TX - Wrestling Coach Indicted for Sex Assault on Bus

[Jeana (DP)]

With all due respect Jeana, you can teach your children and hope they will respond the way you've taught them, but you will NEVER know how they will react unless they are in that type of situation (which hopefully they never will be). Many posters here seem to think it is just that simple. I can tell you from experience and from the stories I've heard in my support groups that you can never guess how you will respond. My father was a police officer and I was a teenage who had confidence and respect for herself. I KNEW all the things you were supposed to do. Did you ever have that nightmare when something bad happens to you and you open your mouth to yell, but nothing comes out? That is what I experienced. I was taken advantage of by someone I cared a great deal about. Someone whom I respected, someone who knew my parents and whose parents I knew. My aunt was upstairs sleeping the whole time. I was paralyzed with fear and my mind took me to another place while I prayed for the whole thing to be over.

Please stop questioning these girls reactions. It is unfortunate, yes. But it is certainly not odd or indicative of a problem with themselves or their self-esteem. So many people have this horrible attitude like "well, I am not blaming them, but they could have/should have/would have done this." Well guess what - that IS in a sense blaming them.

I'm merely discussing this case. I'm not blaming the girls. If it appears that I am questioning these girls, I apologize. If we don't talk about these sort of cases, nothing changes. Maybe when we discuss them as we are now, we get better ideas about how to help our children in an effort to give them better advice should the unimaginable happen and they find themselves in this position. I'm sorry if I offended you.

 

[Angels_Not_Forgotten]

I do have to say for there to be only 2 girls on the team, they may have been "outcasted" and therefore thought the best thing to do was to wait until they could speak to an authoritive figure that they felt they could trust. not sure what to think, but Im in 100% total agreement that this coach is creepy to say the least.

 

[Masterj]

I'm merely discussing this case. I'm not blaming the girls. If it appears that I am questioning these girls, I apologize. If we don't talk about these sort of cases, nothing changes. Maybe when we discuss them as we are now, we get better ideas about how to help our children in an effort to give them better advice should the unimaginable happen and they find themselves in this position. I'm sorry if I offended you.

No apologies necessary - you didn't offend me and you certainly weren't the only poster making comments about the girl's reactions. I think cases like this are extremely important to discuss. I just cringe when people question the victims response. It is a bit mind-boggling b/c in one instance people refer to 16 year olds as young adults who know the difference between right and wrong, yet if our child was the victim or he was a child who was violated. It makes my heart hurt b/c us sexual assault survivors go back in forth in our heads constantly - "well I should have done this. No, you did what you needed to do at the time - it is not your fault. well, but maybe if i did do this..." It is just a horrible cycle to live over again and again in your head.

This man was her COACH. An adult she (and her parents) trusted to guide her and serve as a role model. The worst part is that he will probably only get a slap on the wrist b/c he didn't succeed in doing much. Maybe he will be forbidden to work around kids, but all predators seem to get around that.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

No apologies necessary - you didn't offend me and you certainly weren't the only poster making comments about the girl's reactions. I think cases like this are extremely important to discuss. I just cringe when people question the victims response. It is a bit mind-boggling b/c in one instance people refer to 16 year olds as young adults who know the difference between right and wrong, yet if our child was the victim or he was a child who was violated. It makes my heart hurt b/c us sexual assault survivors go back in forth in our heads constantly - "well I should have done this. No, you did what you needed to do at the time - it is not your fault. well, but maybe if i did do this..." It is just a horrible cycle to live over again and again in your head.

This man was her COACH. An adult she (and her parents) trusted to guide her and serve as a role model. The worst part is that he will probably only get a slap on the wrist b/c he didn't succeed in doing much. Maybe he will be forbidden to work around kids, but all predators seem to get around that.

Absolutely. There is no excuse for what this coach did I hope that he receives more than a slap on the wrist though!!

 

[TisHerself]

With all due respect Jeana, you can teach your children and hope they will respond the way you've taught them, but you will NEVER know how they will react unless they are in that type of situation (which hopefully they never will be). Many posters here seem to think it is just that simple. I can tell you from experience and from the stories I've heard in my support groups that you can never guess how you will respond. My father was a police officer and I was a teenage who had confidence and respect for herself. I KNEW all the things you were supposed to do. Did you ever have that nightmare when something bad happens to you and you open your mouth to yell, but nothing comes out? That is what I experienced. I was taken advantage of by someone I cared a great deal about. Someone whom I respected, someone who knew my parents and whose parents I knew. My aunt was upstairs sleeping the whole time. I was paralyzed with fear and my mind took me to another place while I prayed for the whole thing to be over.

Please stop questioning these girls reactions. It is unfortunate, yes. But it is certainly not odd or indicative of a problem with themselves or their self-esteem. So many people have this horrible attitude like "well, I am not blaming them, but they could have/should have/would have done this." Well guess what - that IS in a sense blaming them.

I am sorry that happened to you, I trully am, and I in no way mean to offend you either. The only reason I am questioning what happened here is because I think that girls do need to become more aware on how to speak up.

No it is not in a sense blaming them, there has to be more ways to learn how to put a stop to these predators. So I would like to know why the girl who moved away did not say anything to anyone. OK maybe in this particular incident who knows she was afraid I don't know. But perhaps something can be learned from that, then in the future Heaven forbid it were to happen to someone else they WOULD speak up.

The only way these kind of predators are going to be made less dangerous is for them to know peolpe are going to speak out.

 

[cathieq]

This I do know:
If the creep is someone who is held in high esteem by both the parents and the population at large - it takes a whole lot of gumption for a victim to speak out. Alot of times a victim will keep silent because they're afraid of what their friends will think - How could you? How dare you accuse Mr. So-and-So of doing something like that? And then - Are you crazy? Why didn't you say something?
I'll tell you why - because you're afraid no one will believe you or that they will think you're dirty.

The girls reported the behavior the minute they returned from the trip...The charges became public in early May when a DNA sample was requested. It was investigated by 3 agencies. Sounds like they got solid evidence against him. This guy has his own private gym and has always been held in high regard - he had his own hunting ground.

 

[nightowl]

Let's remember that these kinds of predators choose their prey carefully. These girls did not yell out, fight, or cause a scene because they were not the assertive, self-confident types. It's as simple as that.

Do you think the coach would have molested a highly confident young girl who would have yelled out and embarrassed him in front of the whole team and other adults!?

He chose girls lacking in self-confidence and self-esteem. He likely befriended them long before he did this. Yes, they likely enjoyed the attention that they got from him. Then he took it too far.

I believe their stories 100%.

 

[BillyGoatGruff]

Let's remember that these kinds of predators choose their prey carefully. These girls did not yell out, fight, or cause a scene because they were not the assertive, self-confident types. It's as simple as that.

Do you think the coach would have molested a highly confident young girl who would have yelled out and embarrassed him in front of the whole team and other adults!?

He chose girls lacking in self-confidence and self-esteem. He likely befriended them long before he did this. Yes, they likely enjoyed the attention that they got from him. Then he took it too far.

I believe their stories 100%.

That's exactly how these pervs work, whether they're molesting 16 year old female gymnasts or 14 year old boy scouts.

 

[jttnewguy]

As a former high school and college athlete (albeit a guy), another thing to remember is that the relationship between an athlete and coach is usually one of extreme inequality and yet considerable intimacy.

Athletes are taught to listen to their coach, follow their every command, instantly, without question or hesitation, to sweat for him, suffer through pain for him, give extra effort for him, to do things that other students are not asked to do -- and to consider it a special honor and privilege to even be asked to do so. Furthermore, the coach has considerable emotional and practical power over the athlete -- he controls whether they make the team (which usually confers social status in high school as well as personal self-esteem), how often they play, and in high school, possibly their grades as well. The coach sees the athlete when they are vulnerable, in pain, sweating, exposed, when they feel low or when they feel happy, and coaches are typically trained and experienced in manipulating an athlete's self-esteem in order to motivate them to perform better (that's how all great coaches work -- they play with the self-esteem and emotions of their athletes). The greatest coaches are the ones who understand the psyches of their athletes -- what they fear, what hurts them, what their hopes are -- and how to use those vulnerabilities to motivate them into doing things that other people would never do. A basic part of the athlete's code, drilled into every athlete from day one, is to ignore your own interests, pain, ego, needs, or concerns, for the good of the team and to be, above all, loyal to your coach. And the best athletes are the ones who "play hardest for the coach" and make him happiest and most proud.

Now, none of this means that the girls were helpless. But there is a considerable emotional and power factor that exists in the athlete-coach relationship that does not exist between other students and teachers, or between teenagers and adults in general, that should not be ignored. If in fact this coach were a predator, he would certainly know which of his girls would be least likely to scream or protest and what buttons to push and what words to use to keep them quiet.

 

[spclk]

Speaking as the parent of a teenage daughter I think that I "WANT TO BELIEVE" that these kids would have spoken up against such behavior. This doesn't mean that I think they are lying, I don't! But it scares the H**L out of me to think that my teenage daughter would not speak up and prevent herself from being abused this way. My mind just can't go there when I put my daughter in the situation these girls were in. All I can say is God help the man who abused her!

 

[GlitchWizard]

Speaking as the parent of a teenage daughter I think that I "WANT TO BELIEVE" that these kids would have spoken up against such behavior. This doesn't mean that I think they are lying, I don't! But it scares the H**L out of me to think that my teenage daughter would not speak up and prevent herself from being abused this way. My mind just can't go there when I put my daughter in the situation these girls were in. All I can say is God help the man who abused her!

I get what you're saying. I also think how you've raised your daughter, what you've said to her, what she knows and believes about the ownership of her own body - those are the things that will protect her when the time comes to do so. It will come. From a teenage boy she's not too keen on, from the best friend of her husband who is drunk at a party one day, or from someone pushed into her at a concert who takes advantage of the situation -

Prepare her now - and she'll be ready when the time comes.

I know beyond a doubt, that there isn't a soul who could touch my daughter on a loaded schoolbus in a way she didn't want - without being completely humiliated by her in front of everyone. Loudly, and most likely even more than deserved. I had too many kids come to my afterschool program that had been abused in their previous programs to not prepare my daughter for that situation.

Perhaps there should be a "Me and My Body" class taught along with Physical Education in school, starting from elementary school and expanding further each year until college so that the kids of parents too shy to approach the subject will be protected as well.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

I agree. We need to be able to talk to our children about this sort of thing. Brining up this thread to our children could be a door opener. Then let them know that unfortunately things like this are very real and that they need to have their guard up at all times, but most of all, they need to know that its not the student's fault and that we, as parents, are ALWAYS there to listen and that they will be believed. That no threat these perps may tell them can come true and that there are things that can be done to help them.

 

[GlitchWizard]

I did bring it up to my daughter. I was just relaying the story and didn't get as far as the guy sitting between the girls before she recoiled and interrupted me saying that wasn't right. I wasn't "leading" with my tone of voice, to the best of my ability.

I know her and I know I have created a monster. The next poor unsuspecting person to sit by her on a bus is going to get it. ha ha

 

[Jeana (DP)]

I did bring it up to my daughter. I was just relaying the story and didn't get as far as the guy sitting between the girls before she recoiled and interrupted me saying that wasn't right. I wasn't "leading" with my tone of voice, to the best of my ability.

I know her and I know I have created a monster. The next poor unsuspecting person to sit by her on a bus is going to get it. ha ha

I think that's fantastic!!!!!! :woohoo: :woohoo:

 

[newkid]

It seems like anyone in a crowded place would just stand up, move, or say something to stop or prevent something like this from happening. I think it's entirely possible that the girls couldn't believe something like that was happening and couldn't think straight.

In college I lived in a ground floor apartment with 3 roommates. One night one of them went into the bathroom and saw that the window had been pushed open and there was a man looking in. She left the bathroom, didn't say anything and hid in her room. Another roommate went in, saw the guy and went and hid in the room whispering with the first roommate. I went back to ask them what was going on and they told me about the guy. I asked why they didn't say anything, do anything or even shut the window. Neither one had an answer.

Two of us went 2 doors down to get the apartment manager and I asked the first roommate to call the police. We came back with the manager to find the first roommate on the phone with her mother. She hadn't called the police.

Got her off the phone and called the police. Of course, by that time, the guy was long gone and there was very little the police could do. It was winter and there were no fingerprints. No one else had seen the guy. I could not believe these two women (in their early 20's) thought the best thing to do was to hide in their room! My only guess is that they weren't thinking straight and were totally thrown off by this experience.

After my long winded story, what I'm trying to say is that, I think it's entirely possible that these two girls are telling the truth. People don't always respond rationally at first.