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fstoplife

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My husband and I are looking for his mom. She went missing in early 1984. She lost custody of my husband, his dad raised him. He never saw his mom's side of the family. I am assuming there is bad blood there, but sadly his dad has passed so we don't really know what is going on. His mom's side found him about 12 years ago, after his dad died. We've kept in touch, but they don't know where she went either. According to an aunt she was living in a shelter for battered women. I am not sure where to start looking for her. We've done DNA on two different sites, hoping something would pop, but it hasn't. We want to hope that she is still alive, but it's been so long. What is a good starting point? I am not sure how to look for somebody.

Thanks!
 
@fstoplife , where was she last seen, for certain? That's a good place to start.

Was there ever a Missing Person report filed? Supporting links, usually to LE (Law Enforcement) or main stream media are expected here at WS.

Check here:

Find A Grave - Millions of Cemetery Records

Start the Verified Insider process for this case:

Verification Process for Professional or Insider Posters

If you're brave, and ready, and have some kind of supporting documentation click Report in your post and ask a Moderator to change the thread title to include the place & date that this lady was last seen and her name.

Your husband should be able to request a copy of the court action about his custody. If possible, arrange to go to the courthouse & look at the file page by page. Now there are really scary things recorded in those files, be prepared. You may also be completely stonewalled regarding these juvenile records, even though it is your husband's record & his father has passed.

You've landed in a very determined & dedicated group!
 
Thank you! The family said one was, but I haven't seen it, I am not sure how to even get it! She was last seen December of 1983, and she said February 1984 was when they last spoke to her. We didn't even know about the battered women's shelter until recently, so that was one clue.

Laughing said:
@fstoplife , where was she last seen, for certain? That's a good place to start.

Was there ever a Missing Person report filed? Supporting links, usually to LE (Law Enforcement) or main stream media are expected here at WS.

Check here:

Find A Grave - Millions of Cemetery Records

Start the Verified Insider process for this case:

Verification Process for Professional or Insider Posters

If you're brave, and ready, and have some kind of supporting documentation click Report in your post and ask a Moderator to change the thread title to include the place & date that this lady was last seen and her name.

Your husband should be able to request a copy of the court action about his custody. If possible, arrange to go to the courthouse & look at the file page by page. Now there are really scary things recorded in those files, be prepared. You may also be completely stonewalled regarding these juvenile records, even though it is your husband's record & his father has passed.

You've landed in a very determined & dedicated group!
Click to expand...
 
@fstoplife I agree with laughing :) Try to obtain any missing report that may have been filed and the custody-related court documents if you can. Keep checking those DNA matches! You may find that she had a child after her last contact with the family that tests with a DNA company. Without knowing the particulars, it's hard to help. I would check to see if whatever state she lived in has searchable online archives (records) and/or court case searches. Some states are great about that and may be helpful. Happy to help if we can!
 
Thanks, I've tried searching. We are in NY and I am not sure we can find those things online. I tried checking namus but it doesn't seem to be working. Most of the family things that she has passed, I can't imagine her staying away if she's still alive, but he just needs something.
 
fstoplife said:
Thanks, I've tried searching. We are in NY and I am not sure we can find those things online. I tried checking namus but it doesn't seem to be working. Most of the family things that she has passed, I can't imagine her staying away if she's still alive, but he just needs something.
Click to expand...
fstoplife said:
Thank you! The family said one was, but I haven't seen it, I am not sure how to even get it! She was last seen December of 1983, and she said February 1984 was when they last spoke to her. We didn't even know about the battered women's shelter until recently, so that was one clue.
Click to expand...

Can you ask the family where exactly the missing person report was filed? That will at least give a starting place to seek out a copy of the MP report.
 
Even the county could help. The prosecutor's office should have a Victim Advocate. That person knows their way around that county's records & may be willing to help.

That county's Genealogical Society &/or Historical Society. They often have newspaper archives. Also persistent, curious genealogists adept at combing information from old newspapers. (Don't ask me how I know :rolleyes: ) LosaLatte is better at this than I am!

The divorce decree & custody documents could have information that your husband doesn't remember. If there was a GAL/Guardian Ad Litem appointed for your husband, that person's office may have records as well.

( and, sorry, Mom's family may know perfectly well where she went but has decided not to tell. Yes, it happens.)

Keep moving forward -- we want to help you & your hubby!
 
I am going to see if I can somehow get the divorce papers. He does remember speaking to someone when he was 4, and we were always curious as to what he could have said that made them give custody to his dad and not his mom, that was before we found out about the shelter. When I look into getting the divorce papers, it says you have to be the spouse, so I am going to give them a call. This is all so overwhelming and I just don't know where to start!

I know that her side has no idea what happened to her, supposedly they did put out missing persons, but how would I find that it was so long ago. I asked an aunt, I am going to message her again. We met the family a few months after his dad passed, which makes me wonder about the timing and if they were waiting, but at this point, she would have to know that the dad is gone, also my husband is very easy to find, his name is very googleable, lol, so we think that if she was looking, that she would easily find him unless she's afraid of his reaction. I am just hoping that she didn't pass and that we can find her. She has a common name, so that is making it harder, the last address we see for her is in 1993, which would be 10 years after she went missing, but we aren't sure if it is accurate or not since we found it on the internet.
 
Your husband is named in the divorce decree (or should be!) so should have no trouble getting a copy.

Maybe you can get more information about a missing report, or file one now?

Best, Laughing
 
Ooh I didn't know he would be on it! I am not sure if this is something you would know, but do they typically include the interview with the kids and the guardian ad litem if they had one?
 
You may try searching familysearch.com or if you have an Ancestry account, try there as well. You may find death information if that is the case. If you don't find it, she still may have passed as some records don't show up in the case of death. I'm hoping she is alive and well and that you get your answers :)
 
Thank you! We did do ancestry DNA and 23andMe, hoping to find a sibling or something, nothing came up. We found his aunts and uncles on that side, but they have no idea where she is either, from what they told us.

I clicked all those links and I can't find anything! I am going to call the courts today and see if he is able to get a copy. I would love to find the missing persons report, but that is something that I am not sure how to get either.
 
fstoplife said:
Ooh I didn't know he would be on it! I am not sure if this is something you would know, but do they typically include the interview with the kids and the guardian ad litem if they had one?
Click to expand...

Since his custody was determined by the court, he at least will have a line of text! Which makes the entire thing his record, he has access to his own record.

Interview, well, not so likely.

Yes, familysearch.com is worth a try.

Keep us posted, please!
 
So I called the town today, they told me they can not give me any divorce records. They told me it was illegal, and since both parties are deceased or missing, we have to either find the attorney or get a court order. So that stinks, but in good news, I spoke to his aunt, and she's sending us all the information that they have about her and her disappearance, so I am just waiting for that.

Today I looked her up under her name which is popular, and her mom's maiden name, I couldn't find anything. I am trying to see that if she did disappear on her own and started a new life, any name that she may use.

A part of me really hopes that she is alive and just stayed away, but another part would be heartbroken for my husband because she didn't come find him. I am so torn, but I hope we find something!
 
Do you have a copy of the marriage license?

It can be worth the trouble to track down the witnesses. You may be able to find a column about the wedding in a local paper, may even list guests? Announcements can be good, too, sometimes the form provided by the newspaper asked for schools attended & place of employment.

Try this for the divorce decree:

Vital Records: Genealogy: New York State Library

Access to more recent records is restricted to immediate family members with proof of identity.

The Bureau of Vital Records requires that requests for genealogical records--records for family history purposes, not needing certification for legal purposes--be submitted by mail, or you may obtain forms and submit genealogical requests at the Department of Health's Satellite Office in Menands (800 North Pearl Street, 2nd Floor).

and a little more reading:

New York Divorce Records for Genealogy Research

My ancestors moved West about 1840, I have no experience with New York divorces, but you should be able to gain some information from Vital Records.

Does your husband have a long-form birth certificate? Sometimes those have interesting tidbits. Working with a person once on their genealogy -- their parent was not their mother's first live birth. In my own family, when my grandfather was born, the form states that there were 2 children at home, but that my great-grandmother had given birth 5 times previously. Today, I know where their headstones are.
 
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