GUILTY WI - Caryn Davis for child neglect, Eau Claire, 2010

[CHICANA]

:slapon't make me have to seperate you two. I'm speaking for Miss Patty.

At least you didn't set the sofa on fire like Reenie set mine on fire.

Dang, I didn't do anything like that when I was a kid. You were bad.
I wish I would have, maybe then I would have been prepared for my teen when she started acting like you & Filly. I was unsuspecting & blind.

 

[Lovejac]

:slapon't make me have to seperate you two. I'm speaking for Miss Patty.

At least you didn't set the sofa on fire like Reenie set mine on fire.

DANG!

Nope but we almost set my friends bed sheets on fire. We were sneaking cigarettes in her room and didn't realize it was time for Ms Patty to come home from work. She pulled up and we saw her from the window & freaked, dropped our cigs on Denise's bed Thank God for that glass of sweet tea we had to pour on the bed!!

Hmmm :waitasec: now that I think about it, we should have just put out the cigs in the glass of sweet tea :waitasec:

Hey, I never claimed to be a smart, bad teenager! :blushing:

 

[Lovejac]

I have knowledge of this family and this situation and I can tell you that the child in question believes she can do what ever she wants without consequences. She has been like this ever since she was little.
If you tell her "no" you are doing her wrong. She will lie or do what ever she can to get her way.

It is all most impossible to raise children in a society where you can't discipline your own kids with out fear of being put in prison. Counselors, therapists, police, will all undermine your authority in front of your own child.

Why would a kid listen when they know they can get away with what ever they want? As a parent your hands are tied.

With the drugs, running away, threats to destroy property, what would you do?

Even if she was locked in a room, it is better than running away and getting into more trouble.

Welcome, rockemsockem! And thank you for your valuable input. I was a rotten teenager many moons ago and I know how crafty they can be.

My mom tried EVERYTHING! I ran away and smoked cigarettes and snuck out and drank alcohol, cut school, never did drugs though.

One day a friend at work gave my Mom a book by Dr. James Dobson called "Tough Love" she read it from front to back several times and used his methods. I don't know how it worked but it did. She was consistent and never faltered no matter what I tried.

I really feel bad for what I put my Mom through back then, but we are thick as thieves now! She is my best friend, my angel and my lifesaver.

I pray this mother can get the help she needs for her daughter.

 

[Salem]

Well, I don't think this girl should have been locked up with a pail. I think mom should have done something early on about getting help. There are parenting classes and other resources that will help a parent deal with a difficult child/teen. And if those didn't work, she should have put the child in foster care. If the girl didn't want to live at home and refused to be respectful, let her live somewhere else. Sometimes it is necessary to deal harshly with bad behavior, but I don't think it is ever necessary to lock someone up with a pail.

After a couple of weeks or so in foster care, the girl would have wanted to come home and she probably would have been better behaved. And if not, I think it would be time for some serious counseling, because it sounds like this girl is headed down a road that leads to nothing but trouble.

Just my 2 cents,

Salem

 

[Salem]

Welcome, rockemsockem! And thank you for your valuable input. I was a rotten teenager many moons ago and I know how crafty they can be.

My mom tried EVERYTHING! I ran away and smoked cigarettes and snuck out and drank alcohol, cut school, never did drugs though.

One day a friend at work gave my Mom a book by Dr. James Dobson called "Tough Love" she read it from front to back several times and used his methods. I don't know how it worked but it did. She was consistent and never faltered no matter what I tried.

I really feel bad for what I put my Mom through back then, but we are thick as thieves now! She is my best friend, my angel and my lifesaver.

I pray this mother can get the help she needs for her daughter.

See Lovejac - she didn't have to lock you up with a bucket. I have seen Dobson's book. It's been many, many years, but maybe there should be a few tv specials about it to revive some interest!

I was not a very good teen either :crazy: but there really were issues in my home I didn't know how to deal with, except by making sure everyone knew I didn't want to be there and if I had to be there, I was not going to be good about it :angel: And my mom never locked me up with a bucket either - although she probably wanted to

Salem

 

[rockemsockem]

Everyone is entitled to there opinion, I just don't like it when people jump to conclusions. In this case the mother has tried counseling, therapy, and other avenues and has been turned down for every one. In some instances, she was told in front of her daughter that everything is fine.

The idea that these two should be charged with a crime is ludicrous. Her mother was always too leniant. Citing her own short falls as the reason. Now she is scared for her daughter's well being and locking her in a room is horrible? I think it is worse if she ran off, got drugged up, and had REAL bad things happen.

I certainly don't agree with the statement that if a kid runs away there is something wrong in the home. Not all kids are easy to deal with, or act perfectly. Sometimes you have to protect them from themselves.

I don't want to be misunderstood either, I am not saying her mom is a perfect parent. All I know is that you should walk a mile in her shoes before you think you have any idea what is going on.

 

[Lovejac]

Everyone is entitled to there opinion, I just don't like it when people jump to conclusions. In this case the mother has tried counseling, therapy, and other avenues and has been turned down for every one. In some instances, she was told in front of her daughter that everything is fine.

The idea that these two should be charged with a crime is ludicrous. Her mother was always too leniant. Citing her own short falls as the reason. Now she is scared for her daughter's well being and locking her in a room is horrible? I think it is worse if she ran off, got drugged up, and had REAL bad things happen.

I certainly don't agree with the statement that if a kid runs away there is something wrong in the home. Not all kids are easy to deal with, or act perfectly. Sometimes you have to protect them from themselves.

I don't want to be misunderstood either, I am not saying her mom is a perfect parent. All I know is that you should walk a mile in her shoes before you think you have any idea what is going on.

Lord, how I wish there was a parenting book out there for us!

My mom did her best, but she was leniant as well. She felt bad because she and my father were divorcing.

I ran away and there was nothing wrong at my house except I didn't want to be there and I didn't want to follow rules. So I don't always believe that statement either.

I wish I could give some advice about parenting a rebellious teenage girl, but I have 3 boys and they are ages 4, 4 and 5.

Please suggest that book that helped my Mom with me. And I will be keeping your friend in my prayers.

 

[rockemsockem]

It is a really sad situation that probably will never have a right answer.

I am hoping for the best as well.

 

[Lovejac]

Well, I don't think this girl should have been locked up with a pail. I think mom should have done something early on about getting help. There are parenting classes and other resources that will help a parent deal with a difficult child/teen. And if those didn't work, she should have put the child in foster care. If the girl didn't want to live at home and refused to be respectful, let her live somewhere else. Sometimes it is necessary to deal harshly with bad behavior, but I don't think it is ever necessary to lock someone up with a pail.

After a couple of weeks or so in foster care, the girl would have wanted to come home and she probably would have been better behaved. And if not, I think it would be time for some serious counseling, because it sounds like this girl is headed down a road that leads to nothing but trouble.

Just my 2 cents,

Salem

Wow, Salem. Reading your post just made me remember that my mom threatened foster care as an alternative, also.

THAT scared the hell out of me. Mom said that if I didn't follow her rules, that I couldn't live there. I told her, "I'll just go live with Daddy'" But guess what, Daddy was backing up Mom and told me I couldn't live with him because of my behaviors and if I didn't make it work, foster care was the only other options.

 

[mayelf]

I'm scared to death when my own child reaches teenage years. *cringe* I know how bad my brothers were.. and how bad I was... I'm surprised my parents didn't die from heart attacks or something.

I totally think that the news getting ahold of this story isn't doing good for the mother or the child. I hope things get better for both of them.

 

[Belinda]

My daughter was hell on wheels as a teenager. She is bipolar and a self-injurer. She ran away. There's more but I won't go into it. Suffice it to say, I never, ever locked her in a room with a bucket. Period. The mother should have sought appropriate counselling for her daughter. I'm sorry, I have been there and I just can't give her a pass. It is wrong to lock anyone up. It is damaging psychologically. If the child was that out of control, she should have been placed in a residential facility for treatment. What exactly was locking her up going to achieve?

I ran away a couple of times as a teenager for good reasons. My parents didn't bother to look for me. I lived on the streets for a month and then lived with my grandparents for 1 1/2 years. No one really knows what the situation inside that home is. Only my closest friends knew what went on in my house. My father was a fireman and my mother was a cop. They were respected.

 

[rockemsockem]

I don't tell other people how to raise their kids.

Kids aren't fragile eggs that are going to break if you don't handle them just so.

She has tried several times to get help.

No parent is perfect and they all make mistakes.

 

[Belinda]

Wow, I never said I know all. I can also tell you I don't tell other people how to raise their kids.

Kids aren't fragile eggs that are going to break if you don't handle them just so.

I also like how you ignore the part where she has tried several times to get help.

No parent is perfect and they all make mistakes. All I have said is it is easy to criticize when you have no idea what is going on.

I am sorry that you have had a rough go of it, but, it sounds like you are putting your own baggage into this.

My point is that there is no adequate reason to lock someone in a room with a bucket for a toilet. None. Never. I have been there, so I know how hard it is. I'm not minimizing what the mother has dealt with.

 

[Portabella]

I am not excusing this parent, but I can see where my Mom would have entertained the thought of putting me in a room with a bucket. I was the most rebellious teen I know. I did my share of nights in the backseat of a car in a freezing garage and also did my share of nights on the lawn chair in the backyard. Used to watch her peeking out her bedroom window to watch me out there, not sure if it was out of concern or to see if I was still there as if I left more punishment would ensue the next day.

I am not excusing this Mom, but sometimes we drive on our Mom's so much, for so long and they get to their wits end. They are conflicted feeling a mix of dedication to raising us and literally not knowing what to do to raise us. So, they come up with some off the beaten path ideas to try and get us to "snap out of it". My mom ended up having me arrested, it killed her to do it. I only did two days in jail, then was released but then I ran. I spent two years on the road and let me tell you a bucket and room would have been a Godsend.

Now enough with my baggage. Maybe just maybe this will get them the therapy or counseling they need to bring them back together as family. Maybe not. Mom may end up fine and daughter may go on her way and have to fall hard before she wakes up, that is if she does not end up on Websleuths on a different thread. I pray this works and this young lady understands that her mom just may have done this out of love and not out of malice. Yup this is my baggage I am bringing into this, but I lived this and so did my poor Mom.

My Mom is now my best buddy, I am old, she is very old...lol. I respect her so much not only for standing by me after my run, but also because I put her through sheer hell and she never gave up on me.

Mom and daughter are in my prayers....

 

[rockemsockem]

If my child was off doing things that were potentially harmful I am not sure what I would do. I would like to think I would do what ever I could to protect them. If you can't trust them when they are out of eye sight what are you to do? You have to sleep some time.

I am not saying I agree with what allegedly happened, every situation is different. You can read all the books, talk to all the counselors, some times things just don't work out no matter what you do.

 

[CHICANA]

My point is that there is no adequate reason to lock someone in a room with a bucket for a toilet. None. Never. I have been there, so I know how hard it is. I'm not minimizing what the mother has dealt with. If an adult was locked in a room in such a manner, it would be called kidnapping. Why would it be okay to lock a child in a room?

When the police lock a child in a room for their protection or to protect others, it is not called kidnapping or abuse. It's called consequence. Putting her in foster care so they can lock her up if she needs it seems wrong to me too. Gives the state far more control over a child than the parent.

 

[SFAladyjack]

My point is that there is no adequate reason to lock someone in a room with a bucket for a toilet. None. Never. I have been there, so I know how hard it is. I'm not minimizing what the mother has dealt with. If an adult was locked in a room in such a manner, it would be called kidnapping. Why would it be okay to lock a child in a room?

Agreed. 100%. Having worked in juvenile justice for 10 years, I want to point out that there's standards and guidelines that juvenile detention centers (meant for the most hardened of delinquents) are required to adhere to -- a bucket in a laundry room doesn't come close. Sorry. I wouldn't keep my dog in conditions like these, much less my daughter.

It's sad that the mom has requested help and hasn't received any, but she needed to keep trying. As a parent, you have to keep trying. That's what defines being a parent. You're the child's advocate. You don't give up. Ever.

 

[SFAladyjack]

When the police lock a child in a room for their protection or to protect others, it is not called kidnapping or abuse. It's called consequence. Putting her in foster care so they can lock her up if she needs it seems wrong to me too. Gives the state far more control over a child than the parent.

I just want to again point out that the police and/or juvenile authorities would never lock a child up in these conditions. Juvenile offenders are provided a mattress, a toilet and sink (indoor plumbing included),bedding (provided that the child isn't a suicide risk), and natural sunlight (a window). That's the bare minimum. A bucket in a laundry room would never be in the realm of a "consequence" for even the most eggregious of offenses a juvenile could commit. I agree that there should be consequences for poor behavior. However, this consequence is beyond extreme. JMO.

 

[Belinda]

SFAladyjack - ITA. I can honestly say that no matter how bad it got with my daughter, it never once occurred to me that I should lock her in any room. That just doesn't compute in my brain. And things got bad, very bad. Yet, what would it have done for her and my relationship with her had I locked her up? How could she then trust me to help her with her problems and to act in her best interests? Trust is crucial when dealing with a troubled child. Now that she is an adult, my daughter still has problems, but is doing well and we are very close. She trusts me completely and knows I would never do her wrong. I don't believe we would have such a relationship now if I had taken such extreme actions before. Being locked in a room with a bucket is something that will probably affect their relationship long after the girl has grown and gone out on her own.

 

[CHICANA]

SFAladyjack - ITA. I can honestly say that no matter how bad it got with my daughter, it never once occurred to me that I should lock her in any room. That just doesn't compute in my brain. And things got bad, very bad. Yet, what would it have done for her and my relationship with her had I locked her up? How could she then trust me to help her with her problems and to act in her best interests? Trust is crucial when dealing with a troubled child. Now that she is an adult, my daughter still has problems, but is doing well and we are very close. She trusts me completely and knows I would never do her wrong. I don't believe we would have such a relationship now if I had taken such extreme actions before. Being locked in a room with a bucket is something that will probably affect their relationship long after the girl has grown and gone out on her own.

Maybe this mom is more worried about the adult her daughter will become than their relationship right now. The fact that mom was arrested has most likely doomed their relationship anyway, especially if the daughter is exaggerating. Someone who knew mom commented on the article and said the kid was not locked in the laundry room, that the laundry room had an outside door and that the door into the main house was locked. More or less, the girl was restricted from part of the house while mom was gone, not that she was stuck in that room.