GUILTY WI - Caryn Davis for child neglect, Eau Claire, 2010

[Salem]

Okay Everybody - Please remember - we attack the post and not the poster. There are some differences of opinion here and it is good to be able to talk about it but there is no need to hurt each other in the process.

Thanks,

Salem

 

[Salem]

When the police lock a child in a room for their protection or to protect others, it is not called kidnapping or abuse. It's called consequence. Putting her in foster care so they can lock her up if she needs it seems wrong to me too. Gives the state far more control over a child than the parent.

I think there is another way to look at this also. Not just technically as in one room versus another but emotionally. When mom says to the child (I'm speaking in general here) "I can not trust you and you have no respect for me so it appears that we can't live together. However, I love you very much and I need to know that you are safe. So if you don't want to live here, then these are your choices: your dad's, another relative's, juvenille hall or foster care. What you may NOT choose to do is live on your own or on the streets. You pick and we will see what we can work out." In essence, to me anyway, the mom is saying I love you and I care about you and your well being, but we are both miserable and we need to make some changes.

This continues to support the child while putting your foot down about the child's behavior. In my opinion anyway.

I do hope this mother and daughter work things out. And now that it has been brought to the attention of the authorities, mom may be given more resources and this daughter, like many of us who posted here, will come around and learn she loves her mom and the rules aren't so bad after all.

Salem

 

[CHICANA]

I just want to again point out that the police and/or juvenile authorities would never lock a child up in these conditions. Juvenile offenders are provided a mattress, a toilet and sink (indoor plumbing included),bedding (provided that the child isn't a suicide risk), and natural sunlight (a window). That's the bare minimum. A bucket in a laundry room would never be in the realm of a "consequence" for even the most eggregious of offenses a juvenile could commit. I agree that there should be consequences for poor behavior. However, this consequence is beyond extreme. JMO.

I spent the night in detention when I was 16 and I was locked in a room with bars on the window and no bathroom. I had to ask the staff to let me out to use the restroom. I haven't read anything that says she slept in the laundry room without a mattress.

 

[CHICANA]

I think there is another way to look at this also. Not just technically as in one room versus another but emotionally. When mom says to the child (I'm speaking in general here) "I can not trust you and you have no respect for me so it appears that we can't live together. However, I love you very much and I need to know that you are safe. So if you don't want to live here, then these are your choices: your dad's, another relative's, juvenille hall or foster care. What you may NOT choose to do is live on your own or on the streets. You pick and we will see what we can work out." In essence, to me anyway, the mom is saying I love you and I care about you and your well being, but we are both miserable and we need to make some changes.

This continues to support the child while putting your foot down about the child's behavior. In my opinion anyway.

I do hope this mother and daughter work things out. And now that it has been brought to the attention of the authorities, mom may be given more resources and this daughter, like many of us who posted here, will come around and learn she loves her mom and the rules aren't so bad after all.

Salem

Once your child is in the system, you have no control over what happens to them, where they live or when they come home.

 

[Belinda]

Once your child is in the system, you have no control over what happens to them, where they live or when they come home.

I don't think this woman has control of the situation at this point. It should be about what is best for the child, not whether or not the mother has control. Some posts say the child could leave by another door, but not enter the house. Well, great. So the issue has nothing to do with the girl supposedly wanting to run away. She is apparently being given the freedom to do that. She just isn't allowed into her own home. Pitiful.

 

[rockemsockem]

LOL! I shouldn't post when I have been up all night.

 

[Missizzy]

Belinda--I fully understand what you are saying. I've been there too. How I wish there was an easily accessible center for out of control youth. However, residential treatment is rarely an option. It costs between $5,000-12,000/month and very few insurance companies or school districts will pop for that.

The police will come and attempt to calm a situation down but they leave. I can't tell you how many times I've been seriously physically harmed by an out of control teen. Often that was the only thing that was the key to a stay in juvenile detention or to some therapy. I once had a police officer drag a "zip-tied" teen into my living room and leave him--cussing, thrashing, spitting, and attempting to bite. He warned me to be cautious about cutting the ties. I called every resource I could think of and no one could help. And this was a very seriously physically ill child, who had a central line. No resources. I was alone with 9 of the other children and I remember just sitting near him and singing softly until he fell asleep. When he was out, I snipped the ties. Of course, he was gone again in the morning. Oh, it was hard.

We have to remember that we are also having to "read" this story through the filter of a news source. I abhor child abuse and neglect but I also have seen the very down and dirty and bloody side of parenting. I hate to say this, but maybe now that this nasty situation has come to a head, this family might get some assistance. There are limited child welfare funds, especially for teens. It usually must get this ugly for the system to kick in, sadly.

And Mayelf, how in the heck do you know that we all WEREN'T having coronaries!!!!???? LOL

 

[SFAladyjack]

I spent the night in detention when I was 16 and I was locked in a room with bars on the window and no bathroom. I had to ask the staff to let me out to use the restroom. I haven't read anything that says she slept in the laundry room without a mattress.

Chicana - I just want to say that I sincerely hope that my posts didn't in any way offend you. I think we're just interpreting "tough love" differently.

To address your statement above: 1) You had access to indoor plumbing (even if you had to ask a guard to escort you). The girl here did not. 2) You had natural sunlight - even if there's bars on the windows. 3.) The girl, according to the link in the initial post, "slept on a small mat in front of the washer and dryer". I'm not sure what kind of mat-- floor mat? Kindermat? I dunno. But its not a bed.

I agree with your point that poor behavior deserves consequences. If a 3 yo runs out into the street without looking - he deserves a spanking. Would beating the cr@p out of a kid for the same reason be justified? No. Never. If a 15 yo runs away - she deserves "tough love". Take away her personal items and privileges. Remove her bedroom door from the hinges. Make her earn back trust and privacy with good behavior. But you don't lock her in the laundry room with a mat and a bucket. That's over the line. It's beyond tough love and crosses into abuse.

The point I was making above is that if a child was incarcerated by the State under these conditions, the employees of that facility would be prosecuted for abuse. Why should it be any different for a parent?

JMO.

 

[CHICANA]

Chicana - I just want to say that I sincerely hope that my posts didn't in any way offend you. I think we're just interpreting "tough love" differently.

To address your statement above: 1) You had access to indoor plumbing (even if you had to ask a guard to escort you). The girl here did not. 2) You had natural sunlight - even if there's bars on the windows. 3.) The girl, according to the link in the initial post, "slept on a small mat in front of the washer and dryer". I'm not sure what kind of mat-- floor mat? Kindermat? I dunno. But its not a bed.

I agree with your point that poor behavior deserves consequences. If a 3 yo runs out into the street without looking - he deserves a spanking. Would beating the cr@p out of a kid for the same reason be justified? No. Never. If a 15 yo runs away - she deserves "tough love". Take away her personal items and privileges. Remove her bedroom door from the hinges. Make her earn back trust and privacy with good behavior. But you don't lock her in the laundry room with a mat and a bucket. That's over the line. It's beyond tough love and crosses into abuse.

The point I was making above is that if a child was incarcerated by the State under these conditions, the employees of that facility would be prosecuted for abuse. Why should it be any different for a parent?

JMO.

I'm still not sure that the 15 year old isn't exaggerating the whole thing. Angry 15 year olds lie.

 

[Kat]

I haven't read every single post.

I will say this.

Regardless of what the circumstances are leading up to this.

If this is indeed an accurate report of what happened.

There is never a justification for locking anyone in a room, much less long enough to need the bucket. Much less a child. No matter how troubled that child is...

There just isn't, I'm sorry, but that is my humble opinion.

 

[Rayemonde]

October 2010:

Davis pleaded no contest to neglect this week. She was given the choice between 15 days in jail or 120 hours of community service. Ganther is scheduled to be in court October 28.

http://www.ktiv.com/story/13291257/eau-claire-mother-sentenced-for-locking-teen-in-room

A felony count of causing mental harm to a child was dismissed.

http://www.weau.com/home/headlines/..._laundry_room_104525904.html?device=phone&c=y