Kaine recalls when the marriage began to sour

[redkatrampant]

Well at least now we know. If, as we suspect, have actually been together since sometime before or around Kyron's birth, then they didn't get married until 2006. They didn't move too quickly.

Then he says he thought the marriage was doing 'pretty well' before the baby was born. That is not a love filled, wedded bliss kinda statement.

I don't want to think about what Kyron had to be living with since things took the turn for the worse.

But then again, don't we all have rocky parts in our marriages? I know I have and it will be 22 years in September. My parents and inlaws both have over 40 years and I know they have had rocky parts. Maybe he thought it would work itself out. Maybe he did not see it as that bad at the time. Or maybe he did not want another divorce under his belt and was in denial.

 

[Wrinkles]

Gee...I think all of this talking by Kaine is terrible! "My wife had our baby and then our marriage got rocky." Huh? Sorry folks, but that is not nice....not when your looking for your missing son. Every marriage goes through tough times. Thats normal. Thats what the vows are all about. If he thought Terri was depressed or having difficulties, then he needed to press her to seek some medical or psychological attention.

He didn't say that Terri was depressed or having difficulties. A marriage going rocky doesn't necessarily mean that, it may only mean that someone's selfish streak surfaces in a big way.

 

[cypress]

Also I am sorry, but why would he be nice to her again? I must have missed a post declaring Terri's innocence.

You keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

IMHO, there is nothing to be gained by alienating her. If she's an attention seeker, narcissistic, whatever they believe her to be, then alienating her, humiliating her, obviously turning against her, is not going to give them what they want.

If Terri hates Kaine or Desiree or both or if she's jealous or psychotic or already felt ignored by her husband, then staging press conferences where they accuse her of this mess and then hugging in front of the cameras to drive home the point that she is out of the fold isn't going to help. Continuing to accuse, alienate and publicly badmouth her isn't going to make her want to cooperate, and they want her to cooperate.

To that end, they need to play her game. If the focus is on finding Kyron, then suck it up for the kid and find a way back into her good graces. Say they know it wasn't her fault, it was an accident, they know she loved him, have them give her what she'll believe is an out.

Honestly, I believe it's too late for that now, but it would've made sense to do that in the beginning to get what they wanted from her or to continue to do that as much as they're able.

 

[redkatrampant]

I'm a mom of 2. I can tell you with every child my relationship with my husband changed, things changed. Luckily, we have worked together with those changes b/c we have a strong friendship base. With Kyron, the two of them could get a break and have "mommy and daddy" time. Kyron had another family. With Kitty different story. My best friend has a child who is 15 now. She divorced when he was 2. With that child she got a break because he was with his father some of the time. She is remarried now and has since had 2 more children. She's now a FULL TIME 24/7 Mom, completely different story. She was much happier being a Mom that got breaks. I'm not saying Kyron was with his mom a lot but enough to where TH and KH could get a break and focus on their marriage. JMHO.

I used to say that I went to work to get a break. Now I work from home and homeschool 2 kids. I also have grandchildren that love to come to Namma's. I usually have extra kids. I complain about it at times, but when I am actually home by myself I do not know what to do. Of course my 2 at home are not infants and if I need to go to my room to get some peace I can.
Most of the time when I do get a break from kids my husband is not home. Maybe that was an issue too.

 

[Ms Suzanne]

Maybe possibly this was the time period any affairs may have happened.

 

[gibby207]

But then again, don't we all have rocky parts in our marriages? I know I have and it will be 22 years in September. My parents and inlaws both have over 40 years and I know they have had rocky parts. Maybe he thought it would work itself out. Maybe he did not see it as that bad at the time. Or maybe he did not want another divorce under his belt and was in denial.

Very valid post!! I've been with my DH for 18 years and yes, rocky comes here and there (especially when young children enter the picture). HOWEVER, I wanted to speak to your comment "did not want another divorce under his belt." I can't tell you how many of our friends are now ending their 2nd marriages. Yes, that's right, 2nd. Some more! They held onto their 2nd marriages (every one of them) because they didn't want to "fail" again. It's soooo common to just try to make it work. It's complex, marriage/divorce, and prolly their family dynamics were complex.

Thanks for this post!

 

[gibby207]

A marathon instead of a sprint

I can't take that, Kat... too many of these on WS.

 

[gardeness]

Well, IMO, Kaine and TH looked pretty solid at the PCs together and in the clips at the gym----I can't help but wonder if LE has caused an unnecessary divorce and pain to a toddler (and, I will wonder that until we see the evidence/proof that the LS gave LE).

 

[eyes4crime]

Hmmm. I wonder what would cause that? PPD? I'm not familiar with the effects of PPD and wonder if that could be what happened here?

Postpartum depression, if left untreated, can become severe! With enough time it can turn into a psychotic like depression. I've seen women go through 3 - 4 different antidepressants before the right one is found. I've seen women admitted to the hospital for treatment. Balancing out the hormones can be another aspect to treatment of PPD. The woman's confidence level in taking care of her baby can plummet to zero. moo

However, I see Terri engaged with life - I see her volunteering at Kyron's school, on facebook, going to the gym, and taking good care of the home, baby girl and Kyron. That's the way it appears to me. That engagement with life is usually not part of PPD that is still present at 18months. Maybe she is on medication that isn't working well.

Terri is 40yo and we don't know if pregnancy and delivery went smooth or if high blood pressure set in...could be a ton of circumstances that have a physical dimension. moo

 

[gardeness]

However, I see Terri engaged with life - I see her volunteering at Kyron's school, on facebook, going to the gym, and taking good care of the home, baby girl and Kyron. That's the way it appears to me. That engagement with life is usually not part of PPD that is still present at 18months.
respectfully clipped

This is part of what makes me think TH is innocent of anything--of course, I don't "live" with her (lol), but usually, IMO, actions like this can paint a pretty valid picture of a person. Her instant response to the LS' threats also seem appropriate for an innocent person...

 

[jnTexas]

I truly hope it's not PPD if this woman harmed that sweet little boy I hope she does not get off on an insanity defense!!
My honest opinion is when the little girl was born TH lost the attention she was addicted to.

 

[gardeness]

I don't know...I don't think a mother who is jealous of her daughter would take, and show, so many pics of her on her Facebook. She seemed to dote on her daughter...

 

[redkatrampant]

Postpartum depression, if left untreated, can become severe! With enough time it can turn into a psychotic like depression. I've seen women go through 3 - 4 different antidepressants before the right one is found. I've seen women admitted to the hospital for treatment. Balancing out the hormones can be another aspect to treatment of PPD. The woman's confidence level in taking care of her baby can plummet to zero. moo

However, I see Terri engaged with life - I see her volunteering at Kyron's school, on facebook, going to the gym, and taking good care of the home, baby girl and Kyron. That's the way it appears to me. That engagement with life is usually not part of PPD that is still present at 18months. Maybe she is on medication that isn't working well.

Terri is 40yo and we don't know if pregnancy and delivery went smooth or if high blood pressure set in...could be a ton of circumstances that have a physical dimension. moo

I have commented on this before. While I do not have PPD, I do have a severe form of Bi-Polar. On the one hand it very well could be that she had it and was treated. OR she could have always been bi-polar( or any other mental illness) and it did not show up severely enough to be treated until AFTER the birth of Baby K. I know for me, it did not happen until 2 years after the birth of my second child. I always knew there was something not quite right but it was not until then that it got really bad.
As for the medication, as I have aged and had another child and developed an immunity to some meds, they have had to be changed. There is also the factor that a lot of us Bipolars tend to stop our meds when things are going really well.
As far as her being engaged in life, I have played that charade too. There are people close to me that have or had no idea that I was bi-polar.

 

[just]

Gee...I think all of this talking by Kaine is terrible! "My wife had our baby and then our marriage got rocky." Huh? Sorry folks, but that is not nice....not when your looking for your missing son. Every marriage goes through tough times. Thats normal. Thats what the vows are all about. If he thought Terri was depressed or having difficulties, then he needed to press her to seek some medical or psychological attention.

You know, when you read this stuff it's supposed to get a reaction. That's how the news people sell stuff. I would think exactly the same as you, but I've seen firsthand how they distort things to paint a picture. For one thing, remember the TH investigated by DHS! Well, with a DUI in Oregon with a child in the car, it's an automatic DHS investigation. But they make you think she's a child beater.

The WW was so harsh to Kaine about the presser a week or two ago, and on reading it you go - man that's guy's a jerk! But then, if you close your eyes, and you imagine you go to pick up your child off the bus (or grandchild) and they're missing. You think, okay - don't panic, they didn't get on the bus, or they're with a friend - but shockingly your child is gone. Hours turn to days turn to weeks and you are left wondering where your baby is...tortuous to think that way, isn't it? Now add to the mix that your wife that you entrusted your beautiful boy with is probably to blame - and you saw signs but you ignored them.

There are people like Marc Klaas who carry themselves with such grace that they put most people to shame. I, for one, would be a swearing, yelling, be-otch beyond all words if this was happening to me because sometimes grief just turns sideways to anger. I think we outta give the guy a break or two but I do understand why many of you feel he is brash - I just looked in the mirror and realized I'd be worse!

 

[MsFacetious]

http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/07/kyron_hormans_father_recalls_w.html

He has the weight of the world on his shoulders. Just sad.​

Wow....

That is a great picture. One of the best media shots I have seen in a long time.

When you look at pictures of him with Kyron... he looks like a completely different guy. He just looks lost and defeated now. If someone wanted to destroy him with this... mission accomplished.

 

[gibby207]

I don't know...I don't think a mother who is jealous of her daughter would take, and show, so many pics of her on her Facebook. She seemed to dote on her daughter...

I don't think jealous of her daughter. I think she was jealous of Kaine's other life, his relationship with Kyron, and hoping (envisioning their marriage was rocky) that a baby would fix things. Baby came, and nope! HER interpretation was still there. It doesn't mean it was a valid thought on her part. I mean, Kaine seems to say "hey, I thought everything was fine", which honestly, my husband doesn't clue into things well either. Gotta kinda say point blank what I want. I think she may have had (IMO, guessing, sleuthing) misplaced jealousy where there didn't need to be any, some trapping on her part, and not getting the kind of reaction out of Kaine that she expected. MOO

 

[DairyGirl]

Gee...I think all of this talking by Kaine is terrible! "My wife had our baby and then our marriage got rocky." Huh? Sorry folks, but that is not nice....not when your looking for your missing son. Every marriage goes through tough times. Thats normal. Thats what the vows are all about. If he thought Terri was depressed or having difficulties, then he needed to press her to seek some medical or psychological attention.

Maybe he did? We don't know what went on behind closed doors.

 

[Haeve]

I smell insanity defense.

 

[gibby207]

Wow....

That is a great picture. One of the best media shots I have seen in a long time.

When you look at pictures of him with Kyron... he looks like a completely different guy. He just looks lost and defeated now. If someone wanted to destroy him with this... mission accomplished.

I agree, and I'll take it one step further. To ME, and MOO, that pic combined with the presser today..... (sigh) it seems to me that Kaine may be accepting of the fact that Kyron is no longer alive. But Desiree is hopeful he is. KWIM?

 

[gibby207]

I smell insanity defense.

I certainly think her attorney is attempting to work on that...