Another teen abandoned in Nebraksa

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Linda7NJ said:
I have to chime in here because I've been in this situation and now know of many many more parents in the same boat. had this law been in effect when i was desperate i would have been on the first flight to Omaha!

if you seriously think it's always the parents inability to find resources, you would be dead wrong.

i adopted a 11 yr old and 4 months later he sodomized my 4 yr old at knife point while i showered. NOT a single agency would help. i dropped him off at a crisis hospital and refused to pick him up. dyfs said they don't get involved with kid on kid crimes and threatened to charge me cause i refused to pick him up and bring him home.

long story short....until you have walked in these parents shoes.......don't judge them.

i now advise parents on a daily basis of this loophole in the law. so expect to see lots more of this.
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Linda,
You are so right, of course!!
I have been in situations where I wanted to beg so-called parents to walk away from their abused and neglected children. Children who were evaluated and fell through the overloaded system's cracks. Children who had " other relatives" who vouched for the parents and vowed to take the kids, when we KNEW the children would still be in jeopardy and might not ever see another DFCS worker...

I have rocked a baby who was dropped by his drunk parent and then RUN OVER by them in their car. We kept the diaper with the tire tracks on it as evidence until it was too putrid to even keep locked up. The police termed it an accident and we knew we were letting a tiny baby go back into a very dangerous situation. Why he wasn't killed or maimed the first time is a mystery, I just know that the parents admitted to running over him after he was admitted and the tire tracks were visible on his tiny diapered bottom.

God help us ALL if we lack the ability to see that no matter what the reason- if parents say " HERE, take this child', then WE as a civilized society have an obligation, a responsibility and an HONOR to that child to take him or her and NOT ASK QUESTIONS which would discourage the parents from turning the child over, regardless of age, regardless of economic status, regardless of " the emotions at the time". Just do it!

I feel that the Nebraska law is so right, and has been absolutely slaughtered by people with righteous indignation to the point that older children ( that is, non- newborns) will never have this opportunity for a safe haven in any other state.

This is an issue which makes me cry, above almost all others before us in this country today.

My best to you Linda, and to your child, for surviving, and for being a loving and understanding person about the Nebraska law. I am so sorry that you had a dangerous foster child and no one to help you. You did the best thing you could do.
:blowkiss:
Maria
 
This one is a hard one for me, I think this law will be abused until changed but I would rather that than the senseless murder of children and or teenagers. Sometimes there is nowhere to turn and its a last resort. I feel sad for the children but maybe its better than the life they would be living or ending.
 
:mad:Righteous indignation???Hmm. Of course in situations where children are being abused, they should have a safe haven, but that is what social services is for to begin with. Make our social services system better so children are not in this kind of danger. I feel that this law is being abused and enables people to take the easy way out, at the expense of our countries children. What about the children? They go through their lives thinking their parents love them, and then one day mom drops them off and does not want them anymore? Who pays for the therapy that child has to go though? Certainly not the person responsible for doing it to that child, because they have been absolved of responsibility. So anyone who just wakes up one day and decides that they do not want the responsibility for a 14 year old can just drop them off? I guess if someone is going to do that, they should never have had children to begin with, so this goes to a bigger issue of teaching birth control etc. If someone gives birth to a baby and they know they do not want the responsibility, there are many, many options available. If a person has made a conscious choice to take care of and raise a child, they should be responsible enough to see it through. My point is that if you are going to have a law like this, there needs to be some responsible steps taken. I DO feel an infant is a separate situation, and the laws should be different for infants. If you have an older child, and want to safe haven them, you should have to show just cause why you are doing so, so that not every Tom, Dick, and Harry starts arbitrarily dropping their teenagers off. Of course the mom here with the child who abused her 4 yr old has just cause, and it should be an open and shut case. That is what the law should be for, not for a parent of nine kids (who chose to have nine kids), who did not seek his own families help in keeping them together.

SeekingJana said:
Linda,
You are so right, of course!!
I have been in situations where I wanted to beg so-called parents to walk away from their abused and neglected children. Children who were evaluated and fell through the overloaded system's cracks. Children who had " other relatives" who vouched for the parents and vowed to take the kids, when we KNEW the children would still be in jeopardy and might not ever see another DFCS worker...

I have rocked a baby who was dropped by his drunk parent and then RUN OVER by them in their car. We kept the diaper with the tire tracks on it as evidence until it was too putrid to even keep locked up. The police termed it an accident and we knew we were letting a tiny baby go back into a very dangerous situation. Why he wasn't killed or maimed the first time is a mystery, I just know that the parents admitted to running over him after he was admitted and the tire tracks were visible on his tiny diapered bottom.

God help us ALL if we lack the ability to see that no matter what the reason- if parents say " HERE, take this child', then WE as a civilized society have an obligation, a responsibility and an HONOR to that child to take him or her and NOT ASK QUESTIONS which would discourage the parents from turning the child over, regardless of age, regardless of economic status, regardless of " the emotions at the time". Just do it!

I feel that the Nebraska law is so right, and has been absolutely slaughtered by people with righteous indignation to the point that older children ( that is, non- newborns) will never have this opportunity for a safe haven in any other state.

This is an issue which makes me cry, above almost all others before us in this country today.

My best to you Linda, and to your child, for surviving, and for being a loving and understanding person about the Nebraska law. I am so sorry that you had a dangerous foster child and no one to help you. You did the best thing you could do.
:blowkiss:
Maria
Click to expand...
 
I'm not defending the mom, but as times get tougher I think we're going to see a lot more of this. Financial stress just adds to the challenges of raising kids, and when you add a problem teen to the mix, some parents can't handle it. But driving out of state to abandon your kid is nuts. I have a 13 year old daughter, and as much as we butt heads sometimes, I would never think of abandoning her.
 
Julessleuther said:
:mad:Righteous indignation???Hmm. Of course in situations where children are being abused, they should have a safe haven, but that is what social services is for to begin with. Make our social services system better so children are not in this kind of danger. I feel that this law is being abused and enables people to take the easy way out, at the expense of our countries children. What about the children? They go through their lives thinking their parents love them, and then one day mom drops them off and does not want them anymore? Who pays for the therapy that child has to go though? Certainly not the person responsible for doing it to that child, because they have been absolved of responsibility. So anyone who just wakes up one day and decides that they do not want the responsibility for a 14 year old can just drop them off? I guess if someone is going to do that, they should never have had children to begin with, so this goes to a bigger issue of teaching birth control etc. If someone gives birth to a baby and they know they do not want the responsibility, there are many, many options available. If a person has made a conscious choice to take care of and raise a child, they should be responsible enough to see it through. My point is that if you are going to have a law like this, there needs to be some responsible steps taken. I DO feel an infant is a separate situation, and the laws should be different for infants. If you have an older child, and want to safe haven them, you should have to show just cause why you are doing so, so that not every Tom, Dick, and Harry starts arbitrarily dropping their teenagers off. Of course the mom here with the child who abused her 4 yr old has just cause, and it should be an open and shut case. That is what the law should be for, not for a parent of nine kids (who chose to have nine kids), who did not seek his own families help in keeping them together.
Click to expand...
I don't believe these parents just wake up one day and decide they don't want their kids anymore. I believe in most cases it would take some serious long-term detachment in order to just dump your kids off.
And the man who had 9 kids (10 actually, but one was already 18) CHOSE to have 10 kids with the belief that he had a support system (his wife) once she died, he soon saw things falling apart. And I will state once again, that we know absolutely NOTHING about his family which offered to help. How do we know they were truly capable of helping? How do we know that they were not in a worse state of mind than him, they could have all been crackheads as far as we know. We can not judge this man without all of the facts, so as soon as you have them, pm me please.
I could never just offload my kids, but I could never get up on a soapbox and judge those who do so.
 
Julessleuther said:
:mad:Righteous indignation???Hmm. Of course in situations where children are being abused, they should have a safe haven, but that is what social services is for to begin with. Make our social services system better so children are not in this kind of danger. I feel that this law is being abused and enables people to take the easy way out, at the expense of our countries children. What about the children? They go through their lives thinking their parents love them, and then one day mom drops them off and does not want them anymore? Who pays for the therapy that child has to go though? Certainly not the person responsible for doing it to that child, because they have been absolved of responsibility. So anyone who just wakes up one day and decides that they do not want the responsibility for a 14 year old can just drop them off? I guess if someone is going to do that, they should never have had children to begin with, so this goes to a bigger issue of teaching birth control etc. If someone gives birth to a baby and they know they do not want the responsibility, there are many, many options available. If a person has made a conscious choice to take care of and raise a child, they should be responsible enough to see it through. My point is that if you are going to have a law like this, there needs to be some responsible steps taken. I DO feel an infant is a separate situation, and the laws should be different for infants. If you have an older child, and want to safe haven them, you should have to show just cause why you are doing so, so that not every Tom, Dick, and Harry starts arbitrarily dropping their teenagers off. Of course the mom here with the child who abused her 4 yr old has just cause, and it should be an open and shut case. That is what the law should be for, not for a parent of nine kids (who chose to have nine kids), who did not seek his own families help in keeping them together.
Click to expand...

What is important is that people who are desperate are seeing a light, a place to take the children they cannot care for. It's not for any of us to judge why they can't.
And I doubt ANYONE here who has lost a child would agree that losing the child was easy( whether of their own actions through a divorce or through death, as I lost mine).

Also, as far as the children and their emotions go, do you really believe that the children who are abandoned were living HAPPY and PEACEFUL lives up until their parent or parents drove up to the hospital and left them? Come on!!
 
SeekingJana said:
What is important is that people who are desperate are seeing a light, a place to take the children they cannot care for. It's not for any of us to judge why they can't.
And I doubt ANYONE here who has lost a child would agree that losing the child was easy( whether of their own actions through a divorce or through death, as I lost mine).

Also, as far as the children and their emotions go, do you really believe that the children who are abandoned were living HAPPY and PEACEFUL lives up until their parent or parents drove up to the hospital and left them? Come on!!
Click to expand...



I agree there is no way they were living perfect lives before this happened. I know some parents dont feel like taking care of their kids and would use this law just to rid themselves of their children but there are ligitimate people who are using this law when they have nowhere else to turn.
 
being from detroit originally myself (and having recently visited) I totally and completely get the desperation thing...

but!

that poor boy :( how must he feel? I have one his age and I cant even dream of abandoning him. by 13 they're almost done being a kid anyways, why give up now....or how can you give up now!!
 
2goldfish said:
being from detroit originally myself (and having recently visited) I totally and completely get the desperation thing...

but!

that poor boy :( how must he feel? I have one his age and I cant even dream of abandoning him. by 13 they're almost done being a kid anyways, why give up now....or how can you give up now!!
Click to expand...


you must remember, you're only hearing one side.
 
You have a point, and have always been a rational voice, so I respect your opinion. By the way, I love your sig!

SeekingJana said:
What is important is that people who are desperate are seeing a light, a place to take the children they cannot care for. It's not for any of us to judge why they can't.
And I doubt ANYONE here who has lost a child would agree that losing the child was easy( whether of their own actions through a divorce or through death, as I lost mine).

Also, as far as the children and their emotions go, do you really believe that the children who are abandoned were living HAPPY and PEACEFUL lives up until their parent or parents drove up to the hospital and left them? Come on!!
Click to expand...
 
Julessleuther said:
You have a point, and have always been a rational voice, so I respect your opinion. By the way, I love your sig!
Click to expand...

Jules, you are very kind, thank you! :)
I keep thinking not of what the adults are doing or why, but of what might happen to the children if they didn't have the opportunity to get to a " safe haven".

I volunteer for a dog breed rescue. This breed of dog is very expensive. People who buy them usually do so after careful research, because they are not that easy to find. What we are now seeing is so appalling, and I am simply talking about little dogs. People are abandoning their pets, even elderly pets and bonded pairs of dogs who have lived all their lives with their owners. They are threatening to shoot their dogs if we don't rescue them immediately. People are desperate in ways that I hope I never truly understand but I think that I love my dogs as much as some people love their children. When I think of being forced to give even one of them up, I feel so sick and desperate. I am asked by the nationwide rescue group every day almost to take in more dogs, to foster or adopt more, and I cannot because our animal population is almost reaching double digits now. Every one of them is a tiny " inside dog" too.

AND, I live in an area which has experienced very little negative economic impact thus far. Housing prices are stable, jobs are doing well overall, and foreclosures are not as high as other cities of a comparable size. This all tells me that desperate people are doing desperate things because they don't see any other option.

I have feared for the children caught up in their parents crises for all my adult life, and wish that every state had a no-fault " safe haven" law for the sake of the childrens' LIVES.
At some point, a " safe haven" child can be helped to understand that their parent or parents chose the only way they could to give the child a chance at life.

Heck, all anyone had to do is bring them to WS and show them the children killed by parents. Year after year. I truly believe that a good, firm working " Safe Haven" law and plentiful facilities in place to receive babies and children would change the look of WS enormously.
 
Nebraska revises safe-haven law.

The rash of drop-offs have included a teenage girl from Iowa and a Michigan boy whose mother drove him to Omaha to leave him at a hospital. To save the lives of unwanted infants, most states let parents and guardians drop off infants up to a month old at hospitals or other safe institutions. – Sapa-AP
Click to expand...

More at link:
http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=3&art_id=vn20081022053232318C279855

I think it's interesting that Nebraska has now revised the law to provide less coverage than other states.
 
:mad::mad:

Wonder where all these unwanted teens will go now? I'll be looking for them in the Missing forum, now that it is perfectly clear that no one wants them I'm sure many will end up running away and on the streets.
I'm gonna go vomit now.
 
Now only children under the age of 3 days? This is ridiculous.
 
If other states would pass a similar law, Nebraska would not have to carry the financial burden of people coming from other states. Still, I don't consider 22 people being dropped off a burden. I'm glad the people will be taken care of. I'd rather have them dropped off than to have them abused, and then have to have CPS and court costs on taking the child away - or worse, have the child remain in an abusive home or be killed. I applaud Nebraska for the law and hope they don't revise it the way they say they will in January.
 
Nebraska's Legislature begins session on 'safe haven' law


http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2008-11-13-safe-haven-rush_N.htm?csp=34
OMAHA — Parents and guardians have brought 16 children to Immanuel Medical Center here, intending to abandon them.
"We've had parents come in tearful and shaking and very upset it had to get to that point, and they didn't know what to do," says nurse Linda Jensen, who manages the emergency department. The kids were 11-18 years old.

more at link
 
I wish they wouldn't change the law; I wish every state had one with no age limit. It is easy enough to say social services will help with problems but you have to be extremely low income to qualify for anything. And they do base it all on income; without looking at how much you are paying for medical bills, rent; etc. I do believe it would be traumatic for an older child to be abandoned but I believe that mental and/or physical abuse has got to be even worse.
 
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