There are many reasons for a victim to decide not to tesify. It is hard to get up on the stand and talk about such terror. In some ways it can make them 'relive' it, because the questioning can be so detailed they have to really dig down and try to remember the event that they have tried so hard to forget. And they feel so vulnerable, and to have to get on the stand and talk about a time that they were their most vulnerable. It is a very personal crime, they spend a lot of time thinking 'why did it happen to me", many people don't realize that they are only a link in a chain, that if they don't take the stand and testify the perp might get off and do it again to someone else. Smart blonde never feel bad because you didn't testify. You did what you had to do to cope. For some people coping means a chance to confront their perp, some people it is necessary for them to feel they are protecting others. For some, they need more time to emotionally heal before they can talk about it. Your talking about it now means you have healed, and your words now can help others in the same situation. PS I forgot to say how sorry I am that you had this terrible experience. And how happy I am that you have recovered from it and I must say you appear to have put it into perspective.