Desiree says Terri had “Extreme hatred for Kyron"

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revampz said:
when I read the posts in this thread I had an aha moment. I am now convinced that terri did hate Kyron, told everyone, asked Desiree to take him back, she was hating him more every day and with her relationship with Kaine going downhill I reckon she fixed the problem.....

before I get slammed, I do not agree with her, there were other ways to go about it of course....

I want to know why Desiree did not take him back if she had suspicions???????? why does she not have her other son as well. I think we are now getting to Terris motive and I think she was getting back at Kaine and Desiree..... her anger and hatred has consumed her, she does not want to be the primary caregiver for a child that is not her bio child, dad obviously doesnt want to give up custody, she has asked mum, mum has ignored her, so in her deluded very very angry mind, she has fixed the problem...

woah..I have been in this position and it consumes you...I have reluctantly told of my situation on here. I am not proud of it but I did not like my stepdaughter either. I was going out with my husband who told me he had a daughter who was 10, he hadnt lived with her since she was 8 months old and had not seen for 7 years. The mum had four kids to 4 dads and just went from man to man and caused major problems for each man when they split (restraining orders etc) so none of the dads were involved in the kids lives.....we had been together for 6 mths when he got a phone call that her mum had killed herself. Because he did not know her and was not married, the families decided that the 4 kids would be kept together and live with one of the dads and his family....mu husband would get to know her in school holidays and after she finished school could live with us. I agreed to this. BUT 1 year later after we had a baby, my husbands mother intervened and without asking me, she was sent to live with us at the age of 12. She was a stranger to my husband, I had a one year old and was pregnant with my 2nd. She was the rudest child I had ever encountered. He worked alot and has no family where we live, only me, so I ended up being primary carer as well as my family.....I tried, I really did but none of us could take to her...after years of moving and lots of men in her life, she was a survivor and looked out for herself. After a year or two we noticed the stealing and the constant lying. We gave this child everything but she would not stop the stealing or the manipulating. she got done at least 3 times for shoplifting and just took what she wanted from everyone without giving a rats....the crunch came for me when she stole from my parents, these people are quite wealthy and gave her so much, not only material goods but love and time as well. By this stage I had turned against her so much because it seemed I was doing a lot of giving and she was destroying my nice life. My husband and I were fighting constantly, we didnt get a break from her as his family were on the bottom of australia, we are on the top, he seemed to be working all the time. My family get togethers were getting ruined as she seemed to be always caught for stealing and the atmosphere was getting colder, everyone was hiding their bags etc......eventually my mother snapped and said she couldnt stand this kid, right in front of my husband. I was a mess and was telling EVERYONE, his family, my friends, my family that there were major problems, we were going to counsellors etc and I was getting more and more angry as through all this, this child kept stealing and lying....I saw right through her and did not trust her one bit. One day she stole from one of her friends at school and got caught by her dad, when he asked her (in tears) why, she replied that she didnt think she would get caught. That was the end, he bundled her on the first plane to her brothers, but now his mum and dad look after her. Our life is so much better and we love each other, before we were so so so close to a divorce (I saw this as my only option to get away from her)

I feel so guilty about all of this as she can be a lovely girl, she is just VERY good at getting what it is she wants and needs, even if it means lying, manipulating and stealing (her mother was very much like this apparently)...We are in constant contact and I am sure she is upto her old tricks, but his mum turns a blind eye, so she's happy and we are happy.

I have talked to alot of stepmums and I have heard some horror stories, one lady got divorced because her husbands 13 year old daughter kicked her in the belly when she was pregnant and she miscarried.

Go a site called steporg.com and read the forums, it is a site where stepparents vent....Ithink alot of you will be horrified, but the truth is alot of step families dont work, very sad I know....hence the increase in abuse by stepdads and boyfriends and the murder of children by the boyfriend or stepdad. I know it is very very wrong and with the breakdown of the nuclear family there is more and more of it.

I certainly do not agree with what Terri has done at all, in fact I am kind of surprised as she had Kyron from such a young age and was a very big part of the development of his personality, normally the problem is with taking on older children whos principles and personalities have developed.

It does show that she has some form of personality disorder to take this kind of action...
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Hi ReVampz! I always enjoy your posts.. When you do post in this forum here and there your posts are one of those that I do always read..

First off I want to thank you for sharing the above about your life and situation.. IMO this is the reality of the way things really go in RL.. Tho, many choose to not see the reality rather only see the fairy tale facade that so many attempt to portray their situation and homelife to be.{as did Terri Horman, when the reality was much darker, much much more dysfunctional than many choose to see}.. Families true lives have varying degrees of dysfunction and/or dysfunctional family members that cause much strain on the household and its family members..{just as Aedrys also gave a real acct of her situation}tho yours of course differs from hers..they both however are the reality of blended families..

If I'm not mistaken a few months back you posted about your hubby's EX...IIRC she was very much like Terri Horman in many ways and thus too causing much dysfunction, chaos, etc..And then in the ultimate of selfish behaviors she chose to take her own life leaving multiple children essentially "orphans"{as she had isolated all of the children from their fathers..if I'm not mistaken}... Her actions have caused the "ripple effect" throughout many many ppls lives with your homelife and family being a big part of that being afffected.. I understand feeling empathy/sympathy for this 12 yr old{who is a stranger to you all}but when you as a new, unprepared, and I'd assume in somewhat of a shock by the events that quickly unfolded with her suddenly becoming a step daughter to you who had no idea that this was going to the outcome for you and your small family..You with a little one and another on the way.. well, I can only imagine the strain and stress..

As I said understandbly there would be sympathy for this 12 yr old and it sounds as tho you all did the very best with what you were dealing with..
As Aedrys described in her post upthread she was not prepared nor had prior knowledge that the circumstances that she was facing would be the reality of her family and homelife.. Yours too would be even more this case.. With no inkling of an idea that this EX would make choices that would impact you and your little ones.. Therefor there can be no blame IMO.. I believe you were just as much victims of his EX as was your 12 yr old step daughter..

Most of us, as It is apparent that you did, do the best with the situations that we are handed in life and many times there is that or those which you have no control over and can only do so much for and be able to keep your family, your children safe from the negative impact and effects of this sad situation that this woman alone has created..{and she's selfishly gone..leaving EVEYONE ELSE to deal with the disasterous mess she had created}..again so very sad and unfortunate FOR ALL INVOLVED..

AGAIN THANK YOU FOR SHARING, REVAMPZ! It is testimonies such as yours, Aedrys, and others that will continue to shed light on WHAT IS THE REAL TRUTH OF THE MATTER..
 
From reading some of the posts on here i read some really good ones about people with their step children. Having been there myself, i know this is an area in a lot of people's lives that is simply not black and white. So many different situations and dynamics arise in these relationships. It is a very difficult task to take on, to raise someone else's child or children.
Then i also read about Kaine's affadavit as to Terri's drinking, this is all so confusing. Nonetheless even if Kaine is stating about Terri passing out from alchohol on the sofa, i wonder if he is trying everything he can to prevent Terri from getting any rights to baby K? This would be understandable in my opinion in lieu of what has happened to his beloved son Kyron. He must be so full of questions with no answers, and trying to maintain some kind of a life in spite of all the heartache and god knows what else he is going through.
Then for Desiree to find out just how Terri acted toward Kyron must be breaking her heart even more. Even if this was only verbalised in emails to someone, children are very perceptive and don't need words to know how someone feels about them, they definitely pick up on the vibes of people, especially their caregivers.
This is beyond tragic for Kyron's loved ones.
I hope there is some justice soon in all of this.:(
 
These stories from honest posters have a message for all of us, especially those who may become parents and stepparents: the kids come first, and believe me, before you actually have the kids you have no idea how much your life will change. I don't care how much you love that boyfriend or girlfriend-if you don't like his/her kids, don't get married until you have worked out the differences with the kids! Which probably means therapy.

Before I had children, I had a pretty good, easy life. After kids? Stressed out, financially strapped sometimes, tired to the bone. If I hadn't adored my little munchkins I probably would have driven off a cliff! (My ex was mentally ill, so more stress there.)

When I met my now-husband,one of the things we had in common was that we believed our kids were more important than anything else in our lives. We made sure things were pretty serious before we introduced each other to our kids. And, although I was already in love with my husband, it was when I met his little girl that I knew I wanted to marry him. She and I were such a good match that I knew the marriage, the family would be great! 5 years later, my stepdaughter and I are inseparable.

I am a teacher, and see all kinds of kids every day. Although in general I really love all kids, not every kid would I find it easy to live with. And my husband had a girlfriend before me who did not really connect with his daughter. So I don't think it is anything special about my stepdaughter or me that makes our relationship close...I think it just that we are really compatible.

I cannot stress enough how rich a stepmother's life can be if you marry a man whose kid(s) you really adore.

One more thing--my husband is still my stepdaughter's primary parent. He can be strict, and sometimes I intervene. But this is the best dynamic a stepfamily can have--where the primary parent is the birth parent and the stepparent reinforces those rules...and occasionally intervenes when the bio parent needs some perspective. With my teenage son, I am the primary parent and the disciplinarian, and my husband has to tell me chill out sometimes. It doesn't hurt that he has already raised a son to adulthood and I have already raised an adult daughter.

Although I am the stepmother of an 8 year-old stepchild, just like Terri Horman, we went about this things so differently (and so did you posters who shared). And, again, if you know you don't get along with someone's children, get some help navigating this relationship or don't get serious!
 
mmmagique said:
Look a page or two back. Someone already posted a link. (Puf, I believe but I could be mistaken!)
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I must be going crazy, but I read every post on this thread (and just searched again) and am not finding it.
 
My brother became a stepfather at the age of thirty, but he had known his two stepchildren (a boy and a girl) for several years since they were 3 and 4 years old.

I can't imagine him ever doing anything to hurt them, nor did he ever say one word to complain about them. And yes, he went on to have two children of his own, so they had a blended family of four children.

What do his stepchildren call him now? Daddy. He was always there for them when their own biological father wasn't. And now he is the grandfather to their children.

It wasn't always easy, I'm sure, but then it's never been easy with my biological children either. As any teacher will tell you, children go through "negative" phases when they are not exactly lovable. Children can disappoint their biological parents too. Children pitch hissy fits, say rude things, and disobey their biological parents too. But as with all family problems you have to learn to cope with it or the family falls apart.

Personally, I think people have the kind of family life they want to have. It takes major effort to get along with children and stepchildren. JMOO

Parents deserve to be happy, yes, but chldren have that right too. And I'm not a big believer in uprooting children all the time so the parents can be happier. I've seen that backfire on people more times than I can count.

As adults we just have to learn to cope with immature children because that's how the human race keeps going. Hating children or making them disappear is not the answer.

My mother-in-law came from a broken family. Her mother died when they were very small, and when her father remarried he sent his previous children out to be raised by aunts and cousins so they wouldn't "bother" the stepmother. It scarred them all for life and caused all kinds of grief. There's nothing like your own parents rejecting you to turn you into a depressed adult. Just sayin. :twocents:

Every parent, step or biological, has to learn to cope without hating or blaming the child for our own problems. That's part of being an adult and not a child ourselves anymore.
 
ThoughtFox said:
My brother became a stepfather at the age of thirty, but he had known his two stepchildren (a boy and a girl) for several years since they were 3 and 4 years old.

I can't imagine him ever doing anything to hurt them, nor did he ever say one word to complain about them. And yes, he went on to have two children of his own, so they had a blended family of four children.

What do his stepchildren call him now? Daddy. He was always there for them when their own biological father wasn't. And now he is the grandfather to their children.

It wasn't always easy, I'm sure, but then it's never been easy with my biological children either. As any teacher will tell you, children go through "negative" phases when they are not exactly lovable. Children can disappoint their biological parents too. Children pitch hissy fits, say rude things, and disobey their biological parents too. But as with all family problems you have to learn to cope with it or the family falls apart.

Personally, I think people have the kind of family life they want to have. It takes major effort to get along with children and stepchildren. JMOO

Parents deserve to be happy, yes, but chldren have that right too. And I'm not a big believer in uprooting children all the time so the parents can be happier. I've seen that backfire on people more times than I can count.

As adults we just have to learn to cope with immature children because that's how the human race keeps going. Hating children or making them disappear is not the answer.

My mother-in-law came from a broken family. Her mother died when they were very small, and when her father remarried he sent his previous children out to be raised by aunts and cousins so they wouldn't "bother" the stepmother. It scarred them all for life and caused all kinds of grief. There's nothing like your own parents rejecting you to turn you into a depressed adult. Just sayin. :twocents:

Every parent, step or biological, has to learn to cope without hating or blaming the child for our own problems. That's part of being an adult and not a child ourselves anymore.
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You are right on the money...:twocents:
 
We have had several threads sideways with Dede's blog in which she mentioned the dog care, and it is no longer available. So let's move on please. If you go back to the old Dede threads you can read about the dog but it has nothing to do with Desiree saying Terri had extreme hatred for Kyron.
 
I realize that it is too early in the investigation process for us to see these emails - I guess maybe we'll know more when or if there is a trial - but it would really be helpful now that they are out there for discussion to know the exact context. I am not saying that it is ok for her to have said hateful or threatening things towards Kyron, if she did.

I am just wondering why Kaine and Desiree would walk away with two different opinions about the emails if they specifically mentioned harming Kyron. We have Desiree talking publicly as though this were the final straw for her and Kaine still strongly stating that he believes Kyron is alive. I realize that the latter belief could be just hope on his part. But, there has to be a reason why he doesn't view the emails the same way.

Based on Desiree's wording about how she believes that Terri hated her and then transferred that to Kyron, it comes across like the negative things in the email were actually about Desiree and from there she is drawing the conclusion that Terri would harm Kyron based on hatred towards her. Maybe Kaine on the other hand was already aware that Terri didn't ever like Desiree and therefore her comments about her really don't seem that startling to him?
 
Does anyone know why Kaine was so against Desiree getting custody of Kyron? Did he not like Tony nor want another man to be the live-in father figure? Was there fear that Desiree's illness would return and she would become unable to parent? I don't get it.

Per Desiree in her interview about the emails, she says that she and Terri seemed to have had an open line of communication at least at one point regarding the possibility that it'd be better for Kyron to live with her. Yet, Kaine says "No"...shuts the conversation down and that is the end of the story? There is a piece of information missing here. :waitasec::twocents:
 
I believe what probably happened is Desiree asked Kaine if Kyron could come live with her for a while, he said no, and Desiree found out through an attorney or friends that unless there was a significant change in circumstances, (a legal term) the courts would not change custody.

She figured Kyron was doing well with his father, and decided that since custody was unlikely to be changed by the courts, and since custody disputes tend to stress out the entire family (especially the children) that she would just leave things as they are for now.
 
mmmagique said:
I believe what probably happened is Desiree asked Kaine if Kyron could come live with her for a while, he said no, and Desiree found out through an attorney or friends that unless there was a significant change in circumstances, (a legal term) the courts would not change custody.

She figured Kyron was doing well with his father, and decided that since custody was unlikely to be changed by the courts, and since custody disputes tend to stress out the entire family (especially the children) that she would just leave things as they are for now.
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mmm...what would be your thoughts as to why he would say no? And she was so adiment up to just a couple of weeks ago trying for the past year to try and get Kyron. Even TH thought she should or tried to help ( please don't ask for a link to that..it's on the Today Show Interview).Why was Desi so eager to get custody/partial of Kyron...that's a very important question.
 
mmmagique said:
I believe what probably happened is Desiree asked Kaine if Kyron could come live with her for a while, he said no, and Desiree found out through an attorney or friends that unless there was a significant change in circumstances, (a legal term) the courts would not change custody.

She figured Kyron was doing well with his father, and decided that since custody was unlikely to be changed by the courts, and since custody disputes tend to stress out the entire family (especially the children) that she would just leave things as they are for now.
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That is a possible scenario. Of course, if the court needed to have a specific significant change in circumstances to change custody, then we know that Kaine had knowledge of things that could greatly impact that decision (such as Terri's alleged drinking and other behaviors). Desiree had absolutely no idea what was really going on there and while Terri did not come out specifically implicating herself, it is now verified by Desiree that she did on at the very least one occasion reach out to Desiree sharing information with her that could help change the custody arrangement. Basically, Kaine held the cards in this situation, no matter how you view it. By situation, I am referring the custody situation and information that could have affected it.

eta: In case it comes up in future response to my post, let me just say that I am not trying to bash Kaine. This just seems like a basic fact to me that he ultimately had the most control over the custody arrangement.
 
Kaine did not want to give up custody, so he wasn't going to give Desiree any information about what was going on in that house. So she would not have any ammunition with which to fight him. She only knew that Kyron wwas sad and going through a bad time.
 
LillyRush said:
Does anyone know why Kaine was so against Desiree getting custody of Kyron? Did he not like Tony nor want another man to be the live-in father figure? Was there fear that Desiree's illness would return and she would become unable to parent? I don't get it.

Per Desiree in her interview about the emails, she says that she and Terri seemed to have had an open line of communication at least at one point regarding the possibility that it'd be better for Kyron to live with her. Yet, Kaine says "No"...shuts the conversation down and that is the end of the story? There is a piece of information missing here. :waitasec::twocents:
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My guess is because Kaine loves his son and parents who love their children often want that child to continue living with them and seeing them every day as they have for the past 6 years.

I'm not sure why it has to be more complicated than that. If any of us was asked to give up custody of one of our children, would we be okay with that and hand our child over? I've never heard any parent I know say they would hand over their 7 year old child if asked, if they didn't absolutely have to.
 
kappy50 said:
mmm...what would be your thoughts as to why he would say no? And she was so adiment up to just a couple of weeks ago trying for the past year to try and get Kyron. Even TH thought she should or tried to help ( please don't ask for a link to that..it's on the Today Show Interview).Why was Desi so eager to get custody/partial of Kyron...that's a very important question.
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Per your first question, imo it's quite simple; most parents want their children with them. I don't think he had anything against Desi, but his boy was doing well in his care (as far as he knew) and unless there are extenuating circumstances, there's no reason to rip a child away from what is his home.

Why was Desi so eager? I haven't seen a lot of evidence that she was, but, as I stated in answer to the other question, most parents want their children with them.
 
Parents just know when their children are going through something bad even when they are miles away. Desiree had to squash some of those worries down and not fight for custody. Am I to believe Terri wasn't pushing for that, too? If she hated Kyron so much she would be harping on Kaine for this to happen, I'd think.

Kaine sounds like he was totally stubborn and controlling in this matter. It's easier to understand Desiree not wanting to go into battle for custody, and her remorse now. Wonder all of what Kaine actually noticed and how he feels now.

For some reason upon waking up this morning, I remembered the blended family in the beginning, so loving and wholesome, and how it has morphed into this mess that was under the carpet all along.
 
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