Actually Kay said that Lori used to be a good mother and Lori's friend from Arizona whose daughter was Tylee's best friend found her a great mother. This was published on Feb 24:
"We know Lori, my daughter loves Lori and thinks of her as a second mom, so the kids must be okay wherever they're at," said Echo Itaaehau.
Family friends remember Lori Vallow as a loving mother, hold out hope for JJ and Tylee
Considering that there are multiple testimonies about her being a good mother, my theory is that she changed. People change.
That's sweet of you.
I have absolutely no doubt that LV was NEVER a good mother. It's just that people didn't see it, and the kids had no frame of reference (or ability or experience of something different) to say anything about it or even to realize. Kids can't do that: they need whatever mother they got.
But anyone who keeps ripping her children's lives up for no apparent reason, but just randomly, no, that's not a good mother. And she seems to have taken away everything that might anchor her children and give them a sense of security. "The People of the Lie" by M Scott Peck. People who deliberately do the exact opposite of what their children need...
It's true a cult can change your personality. Anyone who's tried to get a loved one back out of that frame of mind will attest to that.
And people do change. Sometimes even for the better.
But we have a lot of reports of behaviors from long before the cult that stretch the imagination when it comes to thinking "Would this action benefit my children?"
Doesn't seem there are that many good arguments for how the constant instability could have benefited the children ("helps them adapt quickly to changing priorities" is usually good on an adult's resume, but that skill develops more readily with a stable childhood).
More likely is the inclination for people not to talk negatively of people within their immediate circle, and this is a primarily LDS circle where it would likely be considered bad form to talk negatively of your fellow church member or someone who employs you (how many jobs will the nanny line up if she tells the truth, which will sound like she's talking smack?).
You've had that conversation before, haven't you? Where they ask you about BillyBobDownTheStreet and your knee-jerk reaction is "Sure, good enough neighbor" when in reality, his dog pees on your roses and he plays loud techno-pop at 3am that rattles your windows, but only on every other Thursday, so you haven't complained yet, but...
It's kind of the equivalent of "Hi, how are you?" and saying "Just fine, thanks, and you?" when in reality, your pet kangaroo just died, your bunions are absolutely killing you, and you're pretty sure that all-you-can-eat sushi place gave you a tapeworm. A bit much to discuss, but you're far from "fine."
Then when someone asks pointedly, the second time, you say "Oh, are we having THAT conversation? Well, actually...'
As stated, and 100% agreed upon here is the more likely situation where the "public-facing mom" does all the right things to win the LDS mom of the year contest (in a culture that encourages/enforces gender roles in a way where this inclination may be valued considerably more than other roles) and behind closed doors is less conscious of behavior that won't be seen and judged (which is another layer of instability - if anyone was to be dissociative here, it should have been the children from their constantly changing realities, and that really makes me angry).
All that said, I genuinely admire the kindness and hope extended in hoping there's another truth to all we know, which is an overwhelming amount of information, but still very little in the bigger scheme of things. I can't get there right now, maybe ever, but I recognize what it takes to get there. And in the end, it doesn't really matter what I think, other than whether or not it hurts someone else and the degree to which I can live with my thoughts and still be (hopefully) useful to the world.
When I suggested the possibility of menopause-induced schizophrenia a few threads back in explaining what seems like an escalation of extreme behavior, it made me squinch up my face, because that kind of diagnosis activates my empathy, big-time.
Right now, it feels better to just be 100% black and white, no gray area, mad as he!! with few exceptions.
10-day relationship (*before marriage), they could consider him as a very serious candidate for "taking reigns over"
