In Defense of Carl Probyn

Discussion in 'Jaycee Lee Dugard' started by mjm076, Jul 31, 2019.

  1. mjm076

    mjm076 New Member

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    In seeing all the nastiness on Youtube toward Carl Probyn I thought I would write up this defense of the man whose name has been dragged through the mud only because of Jaycee's book (this is not to say I blame Jaycee):

    People making nasty comments about Carl Probyn, including on interviews done with him just after her rescue, and prior to her book, are basing their thoughts solely based on Jaycee's book. However, those making the nasty comments are forgetting a number of things:

    1) When Jaycee wrote "A Stolen Life" she was, and she admits this somewhat herself, still psychologically an eleven year-old girl. Her psychological growth was stunted by this nightmare that happened to her so she still sees Carl Probyn as she did as an eleven year-old. This is also why she still saw Carl as she did when she asked whether her mom Terry Probyn was still with him

    2) It's easy to forget that even if a child perceives something, it doesn't necessarily mean it's true. Yes, Jaycee may have perceived Carl as being mean or not liking her but that doesn't mean it's true. Carl has never spoken badly of Jaycee in any of his interviews, describing her as mellow etc.Yes he may have done things that in retrospect might seem cruel or mean (not letting her go to the Movies because she didn't brush her teeth or making her watch herself eat in the mirror) but what Parent hasn't done something that would look bad in retrospect. All parents make mistakes. I sure he made some mistakes with Shayna as well before he and Terry Probyn split up.

    3) Carl was involved with the search for at least the first five to six years. He was by Terry Probyn's side doing interviews, participating in TV re-enactments etc. The only reason Carl and Terry split was because Carl felt that there was a good chance Jaycee was dead and felt Terry needed to move forward and focus on Shayna, which is a fair thing to think (Dr. Phil told another mother of a missing minor the same thing on his show) Carl never hated Jaycee and never wanted her to be abducted. One of the great tragedies of this case is that the relationship between Jaycee and Carl never was able to grow and become a healthy father-daughter relationship which I'm sure would have happened!

    4) Jaycee was a highly sensitive child, as I have perceived from her describing her relationship with Carl Probyn. Yes Carl may have wanted Jaycee to be more responsible but is that so horrible? In Carl's mind he probably thought Jaycee was very spoiled and babied hence his emphasis on her being more responsible. Remember that Jaycee was part of the millennial generation which is now known for being the Trophy Kids. So while Carl's perceptions of Jaycee in this regard may have been unfair and inaccurate, they make sense as he was probably raised in a different manner than Jaycee or even her mother Terry.

    5) In regards to her being sent away to live with her Aunt Tina for a year, unfortunately this is typical of mixed families. It happened with me when my Dad would have me spend the day with my grandparents while he and his girlfriend would go do something. Again, another mistake Carl made (that Terry I assume was part of as well) but not something unforgivable.

    Please note I do not blame Jaycee for any of this. She was a child when she was abducted and still very much a child when she returned and wrote her book. I do hope Jaycee can mature in her feelings toward Carl but it sounds like that won't happen as Terry Probyn and her family seem to hate Carl and are not encouraging contact between the two which is unfortunate.
     


  2. cocomod

    cocomod Well-Known Member

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    Blending families is tough. What a child may consider to be cruel may just be parenting. Although, parenting a step child is often more difficult than parenting your own; and as you state, some step-parents make more mistakes in the beginning and learn as they go.
     
  3. Swirlz

    Swirlz Well-Known Member

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    She described being sent to eat dinner in the bathroom by herself because he didn't like her table manners. That's sounds abusive to me.
     
  4. mjm076

    mjm076 New Member

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    I'm iffy as to whether abuse is the right word. Was it an unorthodox form of parenting, yes! But today, some would argue that even making a child eat all their vegetables and not letting them leave the table until they do so is "abusive", yet this was a common parenting technique once upon a time. Besides, this is not something he made her do on a regular basis. She describes this as happening only once.

    I truly believe that if Jaycee hadn't been abducted her and Carl would eventually have come to a healthier relationship.

    Again, Carl was hard on her, and I understand that Jaycee probably took his criticisms to heart due to her sensitivity. But I don't think the demonization of Carl that has happened since 2011 has been fair.
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2019
    cocomod likes this.

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