SIDEBAR #15- Arias/Alexander forum

[Mama-cita]

My daughter got a T shirt out of my husbands closet where I have stored my dead brothers things. On a shelf was a Duke University T shirt that he gave me for Christmas in 1981. He was murdered in 1982. I have not worn that shirt since his death. My daughter did not know. I have fallen apart seeing it on my daughter after 31 years of cherishing it in a safe place. How do I let this go? It is haunting me and I can't stop crying. A trigger I guess. I didn't want to over react in front of her, but it has bothered me since I saw it. I want my brother back. This is so painful after all this time. I don't want my children to be affected than they are with a PTSD mother. Please tell me what to do...

Zuri I wish I had some advice. I don't. But I have prayers and will offer them up that your brother will help soothe your sweet soul...

 

[Bernina]

Haha... I got locked up once during the Arias trial. I felt so helpless for those 24 hours.

:floorlaugh:

2 for me.......those were very dark, dark times..........reading but not being able to reply :facepalm:

 

[neesaki]

He has to go grad school. A BS in psychology won't get him a job unless he gets his masters.
Glad you picked a career that you like. It's important to like your job- life is easier that way. Smart. :seeya:

Yes, that's very true. I have a BS in psychology and it's basically useless. Even in addition to my RN. That was my choice not to go forward with my masters, though, life just got in the way, lol.

 

[YESorNO]

My son, Shadoe, called into his school for this semester's schedule, found out he already had his associates and was 5 courses away from his bachelors. Looks like he needs something in Urban studies and the other 4 in whatever art medium he chooses. He's continuing his classes online since he moved back here and so he can enter the Spring show (Academy of Art, San Francisco).
He started 5 years ago, no real direction, just finding his passion.
Shadoe has made some great connections in many different art fields. The heads at Comic Con caught wind of his vinyl work about a year ago, they started to show case his work and their new store in Colorado will open with some of his pieces. Shhhhh....he's one of the finalists as "Break-through-Artist" in the Designer Toy Awards....he got the call 2 days ago....shhhh!
Pretty bizarre, my kid, the "toy maker"!!!! His work has made it's way across both oceans and down to Brazil.
His real passion is bronze.........I'm thinking about getting him a mig welder, although I'd love an acetylene so I could put up some pipe fencing :rockon:
Between him and his girlfriend, their flying somewhere every 2 months for a writer's conventions (Leaky Con, Portland) and art showings (San Diego, Nov., and New York, Oct., Comic Con) and somewhere is the Designer Toys deal.
This is Shadoe...........he's the kid in the plaid with the beard......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=p2j0Z55_KPM#at=32

Wow- he's so talented and he should be proud of hisself.
I attended the High School of Music and Art in NYC for oil painting and sculpting, but never really persued my art. It's just a hobby now. I should have, tho'.
Glad he is persuing his passion.

 

[Frigga]

Super cool Bernina! What a talented guy. If he ever does a show my way- let me know. I am a member of LACMA and LOVE to go to art shows!

 

[Zuri]

Zuri I wish I had some advice. I don't. But I have prayers and will offer them up that your brother will help soothe your sweet soul...

I am crying so hard. Do you think it is sign that he wants me to let go? Cause all I am doing is reaching for him in the air to come back to me.

 

[YESorNO]

Are you using windows?

Welcome back, Linda :seeya:
I have windows 7.

 

[Bernina]

And how do I do that? defrag????

YorN,
If you know someone you trust, "Team Viewer". It's an app that allows someone to see your screen and click the necessary programs to correct the issue. It's pretty cool cause you can see the mouse being moved, on your screen, by the other person as they fix your issues from their computer.
http://www.teamviewer.com/en/index.aspx
You and your bud both download the app, have a "chat" open so you can give your "user name and code" for that app to them and viola, just like the Geek Squad, just "Free"!

 

[daisymae]

Awwww give her a huge hug, think of him while your hugging her. Explain to her how very special that shirt is to you and why.

That's what I would do, too. She wouldn't want to upset you and doesn't know that she did. Talk to her and I'm sure she will understand, Zuri.

 

[Frigga]

Zuri! (((((hugs))))). I agree with the thinking to hug her, love her and tell her how you feel. She feels it anyhow (I believe) and could probably benefit from understanding the significance and why it is affecting you so. She feels it... I am sure. I can't even pretend to imagine what you are feeling. I am sending streams of warm air- filled with oxygen, love, more hugs and good vibes. I am so sorry for the profound loss of your beloved brother- there just are no words- only love and wishing things were different for you. You are loved.

 

[Linda7NJ]

I am crying so hard. Do you think it is sign that he wants me to let go? Cause all I am doing is reaching for him in the air to come back to me.

I'm sure he would rather you let go and move on. He loved you right? I'm sure he'd rather you be happy.

It's not really letting go, you could share him with your daughter. All the funny stories, memories of good times.

 

[neesaki]

My daughter got a T shirt out of my husbands closet where I have stored my dead brothers things. On a shelf was a Duke University T shirt that he gave me for Christmas in 1981. He was murdered in 1982. I have not worn that shirt since his death. My daughter did not know. I have fallen apart seeing it on my daughter after 31 years of cherishing it in a safe place. How do I let this go? It is haunting me and I can't stop crying. A trigger I guess. I didn't want to over react in front of her, but it has bothered me since I saw it. I want my brother back. This is so painful after all this time. I don't want my children to be affected than they are with a PTSD mother. Please tell me what to do...

How tragic, Zuri, I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. What age are your children. If they are adults, have you thought of sitting and confiding in them about it. If not them, then with another relative or friend, in other words, let it out. For myself, this kind of thing is worse when I hold it inside. The more I hold it in, the more power it seems to have. Each situation is different of course. Blessings and :hug:

 

[Linda7NJ]

Welcome back, Linda :seeya:
I have windows 7.

I believe you'll find disk defrag under tools.

It's been a long time since I used my lap top...

Edited to add... I'm going to look for the plugger and fire mine up to walk you through it. Hang on.

 

[daisymae]

I am crying so hard. Do you think it is sign that he wants me to let go? Cause all I am doing is reaching for him in the air to come back to me.

He wouldn't want you to hurt over this or for grieving all these years, imo. He would want you to be happy and live your life to it's fullest. You're always going to have him in your heart, Zuri, and he is there in spirit with you.

 

[Bernina]

I am crying so hard. Do you think it is sign that he wants me to let go? Cause all I am doing is reaching for him in the air to come back to me.

Zuri, I think he wants you to embrace his memory. Everything happens for a reason and your daughter may just be the catalyst for him reaching out to comfort you and bring peace to you heart. Your brother doesn't want you to be in pain..........Lot's of hugs, girl.......this is a good thing. You don't ever have to let him go.

 

[YESorNO]

I am crying so hard. Do you think it is sign that he wants me to let go? Cause all I am doing is reaching for him in the air to come back to me.

Dear Zuri- you can never let him go. He'll be always in her heart. Tell your daughter how you feel- I'm sure she will understand how you feel.
When my mother died, I put some of her things in a bag and hid it in my closet. Didn't look at it for years and then one day, I did. The tears came just like the day she died. The tears will always be there, just won't show flowing down your checks as much as time goes by. When I think of my mother, I cry again, not as hard. Tears are good- they wash away the pain. Get it all out and grieve again until the tears are done tonight. You can never get him back- only in your mind and your heart he'll always be there- where he should be. Hope I'm making sense and it helps you.
I'm praying for serenity for you tonight. :seeya:

 

[Linda7NJ]

Welcome back, Linda :seeya:
I have windows 7.

Here's the directions!

Was easier than finding the plugger
It's gonna take a very long time because I just know its never been done!

 

[Zuri]

2 for me.......those were very dark, dark times..........reading but not being able to reply :facepalm:

That's what I would do, too. She wouldn't want to upset you and doesn't know that she did. Talk to her and I'm sure she will understand, Zuri.

The pain, the memories are excruciatingly painful. No one in my life gets it as I share nothing about this. My husband just let's me see my therapist and thinks I am fine because that is the face I project. Sorry for the meltdown.

What I experience is personal, private pain. Thank you for letting me share in a weak moment. :blowkiss::blowkiss::tyou:

 

[Linda7NJ]

The pain, the memories are excruciatingly painful. No one in my life gets it as I share nothing about this. My husband just let's me see my therapist and thinks I am fine because that is the face I project. Sorry for the meltdown.

What I experience is personal, private pain. Thank you for letting me share in a weak moment. :blowkiss::blowkiss::tyou:

How old is your daughter Zuri?

 

[Frigga]

Zuri, please don't ever apologize for melting down here- I am certain we all agree on that! Following these trials and cases is only part of the story here. This... here... what just happened is an equal if not even bigger part. You are here, you were left behind, it isn't fair- it is horrifying- and we understand- all for differing reasons but we understand. Thank you for reaching out, I am so grateful I was here because after I wrote my post to you I laid in bed and spoke out loud to the Universe all of the things I want for you. You matter Zuri, and we want you to know that. I will fall asleep thinking of you tonight my websleuth friend and sister on this planet... I will think of your dear brother too- he is not forgotten~ Frigga