Dear JonBenet,
I have been missing you for six years now, and seeing your face on television and sometimes in the papers. I wish I could talk to you. We had such happy times together - in your pink bedroom, in your garden, all through your house. Although I was a couple of years older than you (your mom being pregnant with Burke when my mom was pregnant with me), I always liked playing with you best. You were funny and smart and liked ice cream as much as I did.
Do you remember how my mom taught us, at the Boulder Salad place, when we were spooning the ice cream into our cones, to tap the cones halfway through to make the ice cream sink so we could get more in? That was the last time we saw each other and it was such a good time. After you were gone, my mother asked if I thought you were missing ice cream. And I said right away, "Mom, there's ice cream in heaven." I hope I was right.
I sure wish you were with me now that we're teenagers. True, you wouldn't be quite 13, but you always seemed older than your years. Even when I knew you, you were never just this little kid running around. You always had plans, some project or other, something to do. I was never bored when I was with you. Now we could be going to the Pearl Street Mall, two blondes together, and beyond hating the blond jokes. (You never got old enough to hate the blond jokes like I did.)
We could hang out on campus and look at what the college girls are wearing. When I was the age you'd be now, there was a big production of The Nutcracker. Sometimes I'd go and watch the rehearsals. You would have been one of the dancers, I bet.
I know you loved Christmas and the Pearl Street Mall is so pretty now with all the lights. There's another mall to go to now, too, as big as a town in itself, with its own streets. I love it when my mom takes me there. You can get everything cool there, like at Abercrombie & Fitch, American Eagle, Polo and Ralph Lauren. At least those are what I like. There's all these new styles. You wouldn't be old enough probably, to start asking your mom if you could have your bellybutton pierced, like I just did. And, of course, she said absolutely not! Maybe you'd say, "Yuck!" Me, too, a couple of years ago. But now it seems OK, even cool. I'm sorry you won't get to feel how your body changes when you get to be a teen. It is really like a miracle.
And, remember how we'd tease your brother all the time?
"Let's go bother Burke," you'd say. And so we would go in his room, where he was playing his Nintendo endlessly and unplug his computer. And then he would say "Heck, I was at the highest level!" And we would run away, go in your bathroom and lock the door, and he would be banging on it and we would be giggling behind it.
I'm so sad that you can't be here to watch your brother grow up and change. Like my brother Matthew was distant for a while and now he's my friend and takes me to his classes at CU sometimes. He's going to be an astrophysicist. I wonder what Burke is doing now.
The last time I saw him we were at Dougie's house and he was so sad and grieving and hardly could talk from missing you. I wanted to hug him, but I couldn't.
That last year you had a pink Christmas tree in your room. There were Christmas trees in every room of your house, all with presents under them, and I was tempted to be jealous because in our house we had only one Christmas tree for everybody.
But I didn't really feel like being jealous because you always shared everything. If there was one cookie left, you would split it and give the biggest half to me. I really loved you for being kind and generous always.
You would have been such a good friend for me now in this kind of difficult time of learning to drive and all that.
Maybe you would have been wanting to go to Boulder High like I do. I'd be telling you about all these neat classes, like my catering class. We learned to make snickerdoodles at first and then we learned how to make a Thanksgiving dinner. And the team sports, I did softball starting last summer and now I'm on the swim team.
You would be great at team sports because you always got along with everybody. You would still be too young for boyfriends (and wouldn't need them!) and we would talk about that stuff. I miss you. You were so funny and always thought of things to do that might tick off the parents.
You would really love the Harry Potter books because they are full of magic. the Harry Potter movies are good, too. And maybe you'd like Eminem's rap music and the movie 8 Mile. And concerts at Chataugua (a local park). And quieter things, like walks at Chataugua at sunrise with the dogs. Some things don't change, like the Boulder Christmas Star, which has been lit for several weeks now, high on the hill that we could see from both our houses. Maybe you are looking at it now from above and at least our eyes can meet there.
I know you loved your life and I loved your life too. And knowing how much you loved yours, I must love mine the more. I will always be thinking of you and hoping that you are having ice cream in heaven. I know you are an angel there and someday i will be with you.
The clouds will be pink like the walls of your room and we will be laughing together and looking forward, and back, and not missing each other anymore.
Love forever,
Your friend, Lindsey
