Custody Document: "To Determine Paternity & Parental Relief"

[Tichad3]

Everything Mr Sheffield said was an allegation and all unproven at that.

It is not typical for an abused woman to fail to fight for her children, crystal simply went on and started a new family when she failed to get Haleigh and Jr.

My mother was a DV/SA advocate as well as an abused wife and she'll be the first to say Crystal does not behave like she is a terrified abuse victim.

As for Ron's mother having some pull to work the system- that just makes me laugh, the loosing parent always has an excuse- the judge hates women when he gives custody to the father and visa versa. Or someone has pull in the court.

The facts are Crystal had years to fight for her children and she had a man at her side to protect her from the big bad Ron- but it was not a priority for her. Starting a new family was.

This is the best post I have seen yet! :clap:

 

[kiki the parrot]

And as an advocate myself and one who has personally survived abuse, since which I became involved w ARMS (Abuse Recovery Ministry Services), *I* (among others here) can assure you firsthand that her behavior appears entirely consistent w women who have in fact been verbally, emotionally, (financially etc) and/or physically abused. Because a woman does not still wear visible bruises, or can not be seen cowering years later w now added reinforcements of LE, the media, the public, and her own family gathered around does not mean that even one of us knows the h#[[ this mother could conceivably have endured, but *I* for one will not diminish the possibility because *I* at least can imagine since *I* have been there--where no other outsider was permitted, to witness what nobody else was privy to witness. She didn't have a "man at her side" then nor was LE there to subdue this man's temper, nor the media inside the home to capture on video, nor a social worker to document or record what really went on behind those four walls, nor the public to witness every vengeful statement, every explosive act or angry threat, nor was anyone else on hand to defend or protect her during the years she spent living w this man. We were not living w him nor have we observed him when he knows no one else is watching. Maybe at the time she lost custody battle, up until recent allegations and reports by others surfaced, she'd still believed his abuse was reserved for her alone. And for all we know she may very well have reached out for help--and like me, no one believed her. My ex had everybody in the whole church and in the entire community convinced nothing was out of the ordinary, just all marital "discord," that he never lost his temper nor did his actions ever rise to the level of abuse. Some men, after being charged and going to jail for physically assaulting a woman may like my ex in turn simply dedicate themselves to learning to batter and control in other ways that will avoid leaving marks. Causing economic hardship and even homelessness eg, are common, as long as they maintain the upper hand. If I hadn't put 3,000 miles between us exactly when I did; if I had not secured other resources; if I had not by the grace of God received pro bono legal assistance in another state through organization I mentioned; and were I not a strong woman of faith, I guarantee you I could never have left w my family intact, nor could I honestly tell you whether my family and I would have survived the war that this treacherous man would surely have waged, nor the legal battle that would have ensued--while still being intimidated, at an economic disadvantage, and w/out additional resources. It is dangerous to attempt to minimize, or dismiss entirely w a cursory glance the kind of damage this woman like so many others may have endured nor should we from the outside looking in ever seek to diminish the signs that others here can recognize only too well. Some of us will just have to agree to disagree. JMO

*Does your partner often seem irritated or angry with you, although you never meant to upset them? You feel confused each time?

*Do you frequently feel perplexed and frustrated by their responses because you can't get them to understand your intentions?

*Does your partner act jealous or possessive of you? Do they accuse you of having affairs or paying too much attention to others?

*Does your partner make you feel like you are mostly wrong and they are always right?

*Does your partner seem angry and has "no idea of what you are talking about" when you try to discuss an issue?

*Do you feel like you are always walking on eggshells? Do you feel like you have to be especially careful to avoid conflicts?

*Does your partner call you bad names and put you down?

*Does your partner look at you or act in a way that scares you?

*Does your partner control what you do, who you see or talk to, where you go?

*Does your partner deter you from relationships with your friends or family?

*Does your partner control the money, withhold financial information, take your money, make you ask for money, or refuse to give you money?

*Does your partner define your feelings, opinions, needs, or wants?

*Does your partner tell you you're a bad parent and/or threaten to take away or hurt your children?

*Does your partner act like the abuse is no big deal, or it's all your fault, or even deny doing it?

*Has your partner followed you, shown up uninvited or wouldn't leave when asked? Have they gone through your things, mail, or checked voice or e-mail messages?

*Has your partner destroyed property? (hit, kicked doors, walls, furniture, thrown items, destroyed the phone or pulled the phone cord from the wall, etc.)

*Has your partner threatened to harm, harmed or killed family pets?

*Does you partner intimidate, threaten or harm you with guns, knives, or any other weapons?

*Does your partner shove, slap, pinch, kick, and/or hit you?

*Has your partner convinced or manipulated you to drop a restraining order and/or charges?

*Has your partner threatened to kill you?

Domestic abuse is a generational cycle, often passed down, condoned and excused within a family. It is a pattern of behaviors used to gain and maintain power and control in an intimate relationship. And if she or anyone at any time experiences a pattern of these behaviors, they are or were in an abusive relationship. JMO


arrot:

 

[not_my_kids]

Everything Mr Sheffield said was an allegation and all unproven at that.

It is not typical for an abused woman to fail to fight for her children, crystal simply went on and started a new family when she failed to get Haleigh and Jr.

My mother was a DV/SA advocate as well as an abused wife and she'll be the first to say Crystal does not behave like she is a terrified abuse victim.

As for Ron's mother having some pull to work the system- that just makes me laugh, the loosing parent always has an excuse- the judge hates women when he gives custody to the father and visa versa. Or someone has pull in the court.

The facts are Crystal had years to fight for her children and she had a man at her side to protect her from the big bad Ron- but it was not a priority for her. Starting a new family was.

The letters ITA don't even start to cover it. Excellent post full of excellent points.

 

[not_my_kids]

And if she's so scared of Ron....why is she camped out right next to him?

Especially after all the mudslinging. If Ron had beaten her so badly and terrorized her so badly for all that time, she wouldn't be camping out right next to him, she would not have talked about the "abuse" while still camping out right next to him, and the cockiness that she so readily displays would not have been so evident. Abused women are ashamed of the abuse most of the time, they are not cocky about it and when showing pictures that prove that their abuser is also a child abuser. In my personal experience.

 

[pirate]

Especially after all the mudslinging. If Ron had beaten her so badly and terrorized her so badly for all that time, she wouldn't be camping out right next to him, she would not have talked about the "abuse" while still camping out right next to him, and the cockiness that she so readily displays would not have been so evident. Abused women are ashamed of the abuse most of the time, they are not cocky about it and when showing pictures that prove that their abuser is also a child abuser. In my personal experience.

And if she were not camped out there you would be saying she doesn't love Haleigh as much as Ron because she's not staying there.

I survived abuse- and Crystal was abused by Ron. A CUMMINGS family member confirmed this with me and another local who is posting here also knows that Ron was abusive with her.

Unless you've lived it you cannot imagine how low an abuser can make you feel.

You cannot often prove mental and emotional abuse. There are no visible scars but I can promise you that any mental health professional who looks at Crystal and looks at Ron will confirm that Crystal matches the pathology of a victim and Ron matches the pathology of an abuser.

Ron has established a pattern of choosing girls (I say girls because a woman would not put up with his crap) like Crystal, like Misty (who is still a minor) and the woman who had his third baby who is much like Crystal.

There is so much I want to say but I can't. But I have no doubt that someday things will come out about the things Ron has done to his girlfriends.

 

[kiki the parrot]

And if she were not camped out there you would be saying she doesn't love Haleigh as much as Ron because she's not staying there.

I survived abuse- and Crystal was abused by Ron. A CUMMINGS family member confirmed this with me and another local who is posting here also knows that Ron was abusive with her.

Unless you've lived it you cannot imagine how low an abuser can make you feel.

You cannot often prove mental and emotional abuse. There are no visible scars but I can promise you that any mental health professional who looks at Crystal and looks at Ron will confirm that Crystal matches the pathology of a victim and Ron matches the pathology of an abuser.

Ron has established a pattern of choosing girls (I say girls because a woman would not put up with his crap) like Crystal, like Misty (who is still a minor) and the woman who had his third baby who is much like Crystal.

There is so much I want to say but I can't. But I have no doubt that someday things will come out about the things Ron has done to his girlfriends.

Thank you for being honest and giving us more than an outsider's impression of the face someone is simply showing before the public and presenting to the camera. If we choose to discredit the account of someone who's lived w and known this man intimately, to ignore his arrest record, to dismiss sworn affidavits by family, discount eyewitness accounts of those personally involved, disbelieve reports by other witnesses, as well as discard the reputation he's earned w/in the community, most of us here will be left w nothing other than this man's public persona--that image he's chosen to portray in front of others--and his words, on which to rely. Appearances can be deceiving, and words reveal little of what someone is truly capable, so are a poor basis alone from which to try to measure the character of anyone once behind closed doors. JMO

arrot:

 

[Busylady]

Ron may have abused Crystal we do not know that as fact. I to am an abuse survivor so I am not ignorant to the signs of it. The point is you do not use abuse as an excuse for your actions the rest of your life. Being abused is not an excuse for doing drugs during your preg, it is not an excuse for neglecting to see your children, is not an excuse for not taking them to the dr, is not an excuse for not fighting to protect your children. She did these things when she was not living with Ron.

People keep saying the Judge made a horrible decision and custody was ripped from her because she was abused and too afraid to stand up to Ron. She is living with a man who has more recent drug charges than Ron, who has more recent DV charges than Ron, who has recent photos of drug use, would the children have been in a better environment if they had gone to Crystal?

The Judge made the decision based on information he received from Ron and Crystal, from DCF, and from domestic violence file. What else was he suppose to do?

 

[Asker]

The fact that Ron had to file to determine paternity is interesting to me (although it's sad).

His name was on the birth certificates so he was the father...whether he really was or not. Had a DNA test been done (don't know if one was or was not) and Ron was found not to be the bio father he would have remained the father of record or legal father for support purposes simply because his name was on the birth certificate.

There is in some states a period of time where paternity can be contested but I've never seen it run longer than 2 years at the most. After that time runs out...you're it.

Young men not married to a baby's mother are now warned to ask for a DNA test before signing on to the birth certificate as was the case with JG and Caylee.

 

[Littleone48]

Ron may have abused Crystal we do not know that as fact. I to am an abuse survivor so I am not ignorant to the signs of it. The point is you do not use abuse as an excuse for your actions the rest of your life. Being abused is not an excuse for doing drugs during your preg, it is not an excuse for neglecting to see your children, is not an excuse for not taking them to the dr, is not an excuse for not fighting to protect your children. She did these things when she was not living with Ron.

People keep saying the Judge made a horrible decision and custody was ripped from her because she was abused and too afraid to stand up to Ron. She is living with a man who has more recent drug charges than Ron, who has more recent DV charges than Ron, who has recent photos of drug use, would the children have been in a better environment if they had gone to Crystal?

The Judge made the decision based on information he received from Ron and Crystal, from DCF, and from domestic violence file. What else was he suppose to do?

Many people on hear keep saying it's because Ron had a job and could offer Health Insurance. I keep saying if these were the only reasons there is a thing called CHILD SUPPORT and Ron would've been required to pay Crystal and also INSURE the children when it was available.

BS the judge gave custody to the right parent BECAUSE he showed the effort of caring for his children!

 

[Asker]

I'm not caught up reading this thread, but any never married father needs to establish paternity in order to have rights. This is normaly done when the mother files for child support, but if the mother chooses not to seek CS then it is up to the father to establish paternity and seek custody and/or visitation if he wishes to have any legal rights to his children.

Cubby- a never married mom too,

You hit on my theory for why Ron was suddenly so gun fired interested in getting custody of the kids. I think he set it all up so HE wouldn't have to pay CS. He's a shrewd one IMO.

 

[Tichad3]

Great posts by Littleone48 and Busylady...I totally agree with the both of you.

 

[Busylady]

Cost more to feed, clothe, and shelter the children then pay CS. So financially he would be better off paying child support than having custody. The fact that Crystal was alledged to be using cocaine and that prompted Ron's filing for custody speaks volumes to me.

You hit on my theory for why Ron was suddenly so gun fired interested in getting custody of the kids. I think he set it all up so HE wouldn't have to pay CS. He's a shrewd one IMO.

 

[kiki the parrot]

Once again, my purpose, and my position is not one of implicating any of the immediate parties directly, nor would I defend any party involved as being a fit parent! Given everything I have heard on all accounts, I'm convinced the children would've at least fared better in the physical custody of their mother (w dad having supervised visits and/or contributing financially) since by comparison obviously anything would be better than the current outcome--risks for which dad's lifestyle, associates and environment seem to have disposed the children. But IMO the children should rightfully have been placed under the temporary jurisdiction of the State or into the guardianship of a more suitable, responsible relative for a length of time sufficient to determine that one or both the parents had demonstrated they'd been not only been drug-free for a more significant period but could provide a safe, stable home environment for both children together. Maybe she was also not prepared or capable of offering this at that time. But because it is the father who was awarded custody, and it's from his care and "supervision" that Haleigh did in fact go "missing," it is HIS lifestyle, HIS associations and HIS environment which need to be legitimately examined and scrutinized w good reason--and w/out feeling the need to "sling mud" back in the other direction. JMO

arrot:

 

[Asker]

Cost more to feed, clothe, and shelter the children then pay CS. So financially he would be better off paying child support than having custody. The fact that Crystal was alledged to be using cocaine and that prompted Ron's filing for custody speaks volumes to me.

Been there and done that on both sides...had custody and then agreed to change custody with my exhusband for a year. It was MUCH cheaper to house (that alone) a child WITH me than to pay CS. When she was with me I could budget the cost of food and clothing. You don't get to budget CS. You don't get to handle the money...it comes right off your check like taxes.

Crystal admitted she was a cocaine user. So? At least she's *honest.* Can't say that about Ron. Just look at his record. Now explain to me how he's not living in prison. Bet his mama had something to do with that.

He's been shacking up with and impregnating 16 and 17 year old girls. That is the definition of a sexual offender in FL...check out the statutes.

I too don't get all of the women who defend Ron so vehemently in light of his record and his relationships with girls and his general appearance.

 

[pirate]

Been there and done that on both sides...had custody and then agreed to change custody with my exhusband for a year. It was MUCH cheaper to house (that alone) a child WITH me than to pay CS. When she was with me I could budget the cost of food and clothing. You don't get to budget CS. You don't get to handle the money...it comes right off your check like taxes.

Crystal admitted she was a cocaine user. So? At least she's *honest.* Can't say that about Ron. Just look at his record. Now explain to me how he's not living in prison. Bet his mama had something to do with that.

He's been shacking up with and impregnating 16 and 17 year old girls. That is the definition of a sexual offender in FL...check out the statutes.

I too don't get all of the women who defend Ron so vehemently in light of his record and his relationships with girls and his general appearance.

You are so right!

 

[cuppy199]

Been there and done that on both sides...had custody and then agreed to change custody with my exhusband for a year. It was MUCH cheaper to house (that alone) a child WITH me than to pay CS. When she was with me I could budget the cost of food and clothing. You don't get to budget CS. You don't get to handle the money...it comes right off your check like taxes.

Crystal admitted she was a cocaine user. So? At least she's *honest.* Can't say that about Ron. Just look at his record. Now explain to me how he's not living in prison. Bet his mama had something to do with that.

He's been shacking up with and impregnating 16 and 17 year old girls. That is the definition of a sexual offender in FL...check out the statutes.

I too don't get all of the women who defend Ron so vehemently in light of his record and his relationships with girls and his general appearance.

Just because its cheaper in case doesnt mean its cheaper for everyone. It diffently isnt cheaper for me. And as far as defending Ron well the only thing I defend about Ron is big huge rumors without facts.

 

[Jholi]

I'll say it again: Seeing posters at this of all sites continue to cast wide nets and propagate harmful myths and judgments about what "real abuse survivors/victims act like" is beyond disturbing.

I'm not saying these things for the sake of this case, but the broader impact these ideas have if left uncorrected. I've counseled and helped too many women into safe houses to sit by and quietly watch them be pushed by anyone, anywhere.

And these messages exacerbate the pain and discourage far too many women from coming out and getting the help they need to extricate themselves and, ultimately, to understand and put the experience into a healthy perspective.

 

[Tichad3]

Just because its cheaper in case doesnt mean its cheaper for everyone. It diffently isnt cheaper for me. And as far as defending Ron well the only thing I defend about Ron is big huge rumors without facts.

This whole rumor thing has got to stop. NO ONE has proved Ron of being ANY of things he is accused of. I don't understand it at all. Everyone is taking rumors and running with them like they are etched in stone.

 

[kiki the parrot]

Been there and done that on both sides...had custody and then agreed to change custody with my exhusband for a year. It was MUCH cheaper to house (that alone) a child WITH me than to pay CS. When she was with me I could budget the cost of food and clothing. You don't get to budget CS. You don't get to handle the money...it comes right off your check like taxes.
Crystal admitted she was a cocaine user. So? At least she's *honest.* Can't say that about Ron. Just look at his record. Now explain to me how he's not living in prison. Bet his mama had something to do with that.

He's been shacking up with and impregnating 16 and 17 year old girls. That is the definition of a sexual offender in FL...check out the statutes.

I too don't get all of the women who defend Ron so vehemently in light of his record and his relationships with girls and his general appearance.

(bold mine) Say that, Asker. SO true, a custodial parent can maintain control of the money and as we know for some it's all about control--including money which is just another means of controlling another person. As I've said, I'd rather trust a person w an admitted past than someone who doesn't even admit to having one. JMO

arrot:

 

[Tichad3]

(bold mine) Say that, Asker. SO true, a custodial parent can maintain control of the money and as we know for some it's all about control--including money which is just another means of controlling another person. As I've said, I'd rather trust a person w an admitted past than someone who doesn't even admit to having one. JMO

arrot:

Without trying to sound snarky, when did Ron deny having a past? I haven't seen that.