NJ - Erik Sturgis, 5, home alone, dies in fire, Sayreville, 4 March 2006

[spclk]

What worse punishment could there possibly be than living with the knowledge that your careless decision led to your only childs death?

 

[michelle]

What worse punishment could there possibly be than living with the knowledge that your careless decision led to your only childs death?

Sitting in jail and having to think about it there.

 

[j2mirish]

What worse punishment could there possibly be than living with the knowledge that your careless decision led to your only childs death?

so we just sideline anyone who has a careless decision that results in the death of an innocent person , or child, because they didnt mean for it to happen?

 

[michelle]

so we just sideline anyone who has a careless decision that results in the death of an innocent person , or child, because they didnt mean for it to happen?

If that was the case I could not imagine what things would be like.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

What worse punishment could there possibly be than living with the knowledge that your careless decision led to your only childs death?

I don't know. That's a good question though. I don't think that allowing him to just say "my bad" and get on with his life works for me though.

 

[natasha-cupcake]

Yes, this is what bothered me the most. It wasn't even his own shift. He definitely should have told the friend no. I can't see any way to simply exonerate this man.

Where I can sympathize is with the horrendous difficulties with finding and affording daycare. I'm in a two-income family, and we still couldn't afford to put our daughter in regular daycare. Luckily, we have a family friend that only charges $5 an hour, and even so, I am lucky enough to be able to work from home 2 days a week or it would still probably be too much. I agree that this man should put his son over his job, but I also think it is insane that people are saying that it would be in the better interest of the child for him to be on welfare and staying home rather than working. It seems to me that there is something really out of whack in our society if parents are better off living off of the tax dollars of others than trying to pull their own weight through working simply because child care is so insanely expensive and hard to find.

This case breaks my heart. The child died a horrendous, and unnecessary death. I am upset on many different levels. I do have some sympathy for the dad, even though I think he probably deserves some level of punishment. How much punishment, I just don't know.

You make an excellent point about being on welfare vs. working. One thing many people might not know is that in many states, including mine, there is no option to "stay home on welfare". People are given temporary cash assistance on welfare but are forced to find jobs of any kind and at any pay. They are simply not allowed to just "stay home". They may receive supplemental assistance such as food stamps, some rental assistance and medical care, but no one is fully state supported on welfare alone. Again, this is true in my state and many, many others. I know because my poor brother has sole custody of his two children. His alcoholic ex-wife provides no financial or emotional support whatsoever. He lost his job because he had to take so much time off to attend to his children's needs. Daycare assistance from the state was essentially non-existant. The state provides daycare money to "welfare" parents under a lottery system and an enormously large percentage of people who qualify for daycare assistance cannot actually recieve it due to severe underfunding by state and federal means. I think we'd all be shocked to find out how many children are left home alone or under the care of older siblings while mom works her evening shift at McDonalds.

I don't think many of us have any idea of just how sh*tty the lives of low income people are.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

Aid to Families With Dependent Children provides assistance for people to help with child care costs. We haven't heard (at least I don't think so) that this guy couldn't afford a babysitter. I think what we've heard is that he couldn't "find one." So, I think we may be getting off track. There are plenty of daycares all over the place, so I'm not sure how hard the guy honestly looked for one to watch his boy.

 

[natasha-cupcake]

Aid to Families With Dependent Children provides assistance for people to help with child care costs. We haven't heard (at least I don't think so) that this guy couldn't afford a babysitter. I think what we've heard is that he couldn't "find one." So, I think we may be getting off track. There are plenty of daycares all over the place, so I'm not sure how hard the guy honestly looked for one to watch his boy.

You are right about the information we have on this case. It isn't clear that funding was an issue and we don't truly know how intensively this man looked for daycare or sitters. That's why I think the child endangerment charges are appropriate. Let the court decide whether or not he had exhausted all efforts and let the appropriate mercy or punishment prevail.

My point was that in general, low income people are not guaranteed daycare funding. In many cases, as in my brother's case, the AFDC provision for daycare assistance may never materalize due to underfunding. My brother was put on a waiting list and in the three years that he actually qualified for the daycare assistance, he never moved up on the list enough to receive a penny of the money he was "entitled" to. Lucky for him, my brother was able to start a home based consulting company and after a few years, didn't need any assistance. However, he was blessed with brains, an education and a supportive family. I feel for those who don't have any of those things to fall back on.

 

[bugs]

Did we ever hear if it was a last minute phone call for the Dad to come in to work? That could have restricted his time to find a sitter. I know it was said he was covering a friend. So, wonder if the friend called or the employer?

 

[Jeana (DP)]

Did we ever hear if it was a last minute phone call for the Dad to come in to work? That could have restricted his time to find a sitter. I know it was said he was covering a friend. So, wonder if the friend called or the employer?

I don't know bugs, but its a good question.

 

[j2mirish]

Did we ever hear if it was a last minute phone call for the Dad to come in to work? That could have restricted his time to find a sitter. I know it was said he was covering a friend. So, wonder if the friend called or the employer?

either way- he had the perfect reason not to be able to accept the shift- NO ONE to watch his 5 year old

 

[SewingDeb]

either way- he had the perfect reason not to be able to accept the shift- NO ONE to watch his 5 year old

Exactly.

5 years old is too young to be left at home alone---ever. The dad could have taken him to work and then phoned everyone he knows to see if someone would watch him. Better yet, he should have been enrolled in a good daycare.

 

[michelle]

either way- he had the perfect reason not to be able to accept the shift- NO ONE to watch his 5 year old

Yea really thats good enough, and if they dont like it, tough! There are other jobs out there.

 

[Marie]

On the issue of childcare for his son - in one of the articles it was mentioned that after Grandpa was deemed unsuitable to care for the child, the agency helped him find proper childcare. He could have asked them again if he was having such trouble. He could have asked a stranger on the street even and that would have been preferable to leaving the boy alone.

And it's so ironicly sad that the things Dad did to keep the boy 'safe' while he was alone probably killed him - such as the deadbolting of the front door.

 

[spclk]

I certainly agree that he made a very poor decision. However, my point was that if he truly loved his son (and it seems he did), there is no punishment that he can be givien that will be worse than living with what he did. I am not saying he should not be held accountable, but nothing can be done to him that would be worse than living with the guilt IMO.

I have been a poor, single parent and luckily I have a wonderful family that always helped. I have never left my daughter (who is 13 now) home alone, but I am not sure what I would have done in this situtation. I truly feel sorry for this dad! You must also remember that he is a dad and they sometimes don't think things through as logically as moms do (no offense dads!). They seem to think that their "boys" should be tough and independent.

Please don't blast me, this is just another way to look at the very sad situation.

 

[michelle]

You must also remember that he is a dad and they sometimes don't think things through as logically as moms do (no offense dads!). They seem to think that their "boys" should be tough and independent.

That is true, My DH thinks our son is tough as nails and I have to remind him he is only 5.

 

[bugs]

I certainly agree that he made a very poor decision. However, my point was that if he truly loved his son (and it seems he did), there is no punishment that he can be givien that will be worse than living with what he did. I am not saying he should not be held accountable, but nothing can be done to him that would be worse than living with the guilt IMO.

I have been a poor, single parent and luckily I have a wonderful family that always helped. I have never left my daughter (who is 13 now) home alone, but I am not sure what I would have done in this situtation. I truly feel sorry for this dad! You must also remember that he is a dad and they sometimes don't think things through as logically as moms do (no offense dads!). They seem to think that their "boys" should be tough and independent.

Please don't blast me, this is just another way to look at the very sad situation.

Great point! I looked back on this thread and I didn't see where any males posted (sorry if I overlooked) but I would love to hear their point of view. We Moms by nature seem to be overprotected of our kids. I know my son can be doing things and I cringe but his Dad is laughing and encouraging him on. Zero fear. I bet the Dad went over and over again what to do, what not to do while he was gone. This is so tough.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

Great point! I looked back on this thread and I didn't see where any males posted (sorry if I overlooked) but I would love to hear their point of view. We Moms by nature seem to be overprotected of our kids. I know my son can be doing things and I cringe but his Dad is laughing and encouraging him on. Zero fear. I bet the Dad went over and over again what to do, what not to do while he was gone. This is so tough.

I think one thing we ALL agree on is that we're glad the decision about what to do isn't our's. Do we know what stage they are regarding decision about prosecution, etc?

 

[bugs]

I think one thing we ALL agree on is that we're glad the decision about what to do isn't our's. Do we know what stage they are regarding decision about prosecution, etc?

Not sure, I did a quick search today and there wasn't anything new. I will keep looking.

 

[Linda7NJ]

I was under the impression the father was working at night and his son was asleep?

I hope the poor kid died in his bed, asleep, from smoke inhalation