GUILTY NY - Stephen McKay, 3, beaten to death, Crown Point, 2 Aug 2005

[Jeana (DP)]

I actually have very conservative views on dating and marriage. What I hesitate to do is ASSUME that someone is being irresponsible when something bad happens. Just look at Laci. Sometimes things aren't what they seem and there are no warning signs unless you're playing monday morning quarterback.

Yeah, but that's what were here to do!! :blowkiss:

 

[Linda7NJ]

I actually have very conservative views on dating and marriage. What I hesitate to do is ASSUME that someone is being irresponsible when something bad happens. Just look at Laci. Sometimes things aren't what they seem and there are no warning signs unless you're playing monday morning quarterback.

Speaking of the Peterson Case I was FURIOUS when I learned Amber allowed Scott around her young daughter ALONE! And I like Amber, but she certainly acted irresponsibly!

 

[Jeana (DP)]

Speaking of the Peterson Case I was FURIOUS when I learned Amber allowed Scott around her young daughter ALONE! And I like Amber, but she certainly acted irresponsibly!

Me too. :bang:

 

[mysteriew]

I actually have very conservative views on dating and marriage. What I hesitate to do is ASSUME that someone is being irresponsible when something bad happens. Just look at Laci. Sometimes things aren't what they seem and there are no warning signs unless you're playing monday morning quarterback.

:clap:
I agree. While it is true too many mother's meet a guy then leave the kids with him without checking him out, it is also true that they can meet a guy, get to know him, finally introduce him to the kid, watch him around the kid......and still have something terrible happen. No matter how long they have known him.
We have seen to many children murdered by their own parents- fathers and mothers. Parents that neighbors describe as very loving parents. Yet they still murdered. There is no way to tell sometimes...........unfortunately they don't come with tattoos on their foreheads saying I am going to kill someone one day.
A young mother meets a charming, personable man. They date. He meets the family.....and her child. Only then can the mother really see how he is going to be around the child. You can't tell how a man will be with your child until they meet them. (maybe he is really bad with kids, maybe there is a personality thing, and maybe he is a very loving and generous person who truly loves kids and is good with them and for them). I am sorry, I cannot agree that a single mother should go into a nunnery, until her child reaches the age of 18. She could be denying that child a loving step-parent. She is denying that child the right to be a part of her life. She is denying the child a right to meet the people in her life, and to allow the child to develop their own relationships with people under supervision (an important part of their development).

 

[Melissa Marshall]

Of course no one else knows what's in someone's heart or their head. However, plain old common sense tells us that you're going to know someone a heck of a lot better in a few years than you would in a few months. As for your sister's case - there is a thread for that. I didn't mention her or that case on this thread. I'm speaking in general terms, not about a specific case.

I have been on the thread about my cousin and I am voicing it in here as well wether you mentioned it or not. The reason I did mention my cousin is because your post is exactly what happened to her. There are kids whose own parents are murdering them so having known someone for years is not the case either.

 

[Melissa Marshall]

:clap::clap::clap:

:clap:
I agree. While it is true too many mother's meet a guy then leave the kids with him without checking him out, it is also true that they can meet a guy, get to know him, finally introduce him to the kid, watch him around the kid......and still have something terrible happen. No matter how long they have known him.
We have seen to many children murdered by their own parents- fathers and mothers. Parents that neighbors describe as very loving parents. Yet they still murdered. There is no way to tell sometimes...........unfortunately they don't come with tattoos on their foreheads saying I am going to kill someone one day.
A young mother meets a charming, personable man. They date. He meets the family.....and her child. Only then can the mother really see how he is going to be around the child. You can't tell how a man will be with your child until they meet them. (maybe he is really bad with kids, maybe there is a personality thing, and maybe he is a very loving and generous person who truly loves kids and is good with them and for them). I am sorry, I cannot agree that a single mother should go into a nunnery, until her child reaches the age of 18. She could be denying that child a loving step-parent. She is denying that child the right to be a part of her life. She is denying the child a right to meet the people in her life, and to allow the child to develop their own relationships with people under supervision (an important part of their development).

 

[Melissa Marshall]

When you have a child, you have to put the child's interests first, not yours. If that means waiting until the child is 18 and out of the house to date, then so be it.

IMO, this wasn't an Ozzie and Harriett lifestyle gone bad. I bet there were red flags all over the place long before this innocent child was beaten to death.

Not all the cases of a beaten child have red flags. Sorry but I disagree.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

There are kids whose own parents are murdering them so having known someone for years is not the case either.

Yes, we've established that. This thread is not about them either.

 

[Melissa Marshall]

Do you have a problem with me in general or are all your comments to people rude?? This thread is about a little boy who was murdered. What's the problem with refrencing other cases?? I already posted my thoughts on the family and my condolences. I will continue to post my opinion and what I think of other cases.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

Do you have a problem with me in general or are all your comments to people rude?? This thread is about a little boy who was murdered. What's the problem with refrencing other cases?? I already posted my thoughts on the family and my condolences. I will continue to post my opinion and what I think of other cases.

They're factual, not rude. I am keeping my personal feelings out of it. I moderate more than one forum here, work and am trying to get two kids their medical/dental check-ups, school supplies and school clothes. No matter how I sugar coat my feelings on this issue, you're not going to agree with my opinion on the topic. I realize that you're going through a horrible time due to your neice's murder. I too had a family member murdered, so I know sort of how you feel. If this topic is too raw for you to discuss during this time, I can understand that. However, I feel that you're going to need to understand that others feel differently than you do about this and allow them to do so.

 

[Melissa Marshall]

They're factual, not rude. I am keeping my personal feelings out of it. I moderate more than one forum here, work and am trying to get two kids their medical/dental check-ups, school supplies and school clothes. No matter how I sugar coat my feelings on this issue, you're not going to agree with my opinion on the topic. I realize that you're going through a horrible time due to your neice's murder. I too had a family member murdered, so I know sort of how you feel. If this topic is too raw for you to discuss during this time, I can understand that. However, I feel that you're going to need to understand that others feel differently than you do about this and allow them to do so.

Well you sound like you have your hands full as do I with 3 kids running around. 2 of mine will be starting school on the 24th of this month. You may view your posts as factual but they are your opinion not fact and they are rude! If you call that sugar coating I would hate for you to be bold and tell us how you really feel!! Your right we will not agree on this issue and I am entitled to voice my opinion wether others like it or not. I am also entitled to voice things about others that I do not agree with. I am not asking you to feel the same way I am. It was my cousin not my neice. I have no problems coming in here and defending Marigrace's and any other single mother's actions.

 

[Linda7NJ]

That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying they should get to know the man BEFORE THEY EVER BRING HIM AROUND THEIR CHILD.

If parents don't put their children in situations where they can be hurt, they won't be hurt. I'm not saying everything is preventable, but having your child murdered in his or her own home because they allow men they've only known for a few months live in or watch their children, then that situation is preventable - 100% preventable.

:clap: :clap: :clap: This is EXACTLY what this thread is about!

 

[Melissa Marshall]

Does it say anywhere how long the woman dated the man? I didn't notice it anywhere and the link is invalid.

 

[csds703]

Well you sound like you have your hands full as do I with 3 kids running around. 2 of mine will be starting school on the 24th of this month. You may view your posts as factual but they are your opinion not fact and they are rude! If you call that sugar coating I would hate for you to be bold and tell us how you really feel!! Your right we will not agree on this issue and I am entitled to voice my opinion wether others like it or not. I am also entitled to voice things about others that I do not agree with. I am not asking you to feel the same way I am. It was my cousin not my neice. I have no problems coming in here and defending Marigrace's and any other single mother's actions.[/QUOTE]

Melissa

You do not need to defend Marigrace because nobody is attacking her here. Stating your opinion and listening to others is why we are here. You can't personalize every case of child abuse. Sometimes it is the mothers bad judgement and sometimes it's just pure bad luck. I'm sure this subject is just too close for comfort right now.

 

[Melissa Marshall]

Well you sound like you have your hands full as do I with 3 kids running around. 2 of mine will be starting school on the 24th of this month. You may view your posts as factual but they are your opinion not fact and they are rude! If you call that sugar coating I would hate for you to be bold and tell us how you really feel!! Your right we will not agree on this issue and I am entitled to voice my opinion wether others like it or not. I am also entitled to voice things about others that I do not agree with. I am not asking you to feel the same way I am. It was my cousin not my neice. I have no problems coming in here and defending Marigrace's and any other single mother's actions.[/QUOTE]

Melissa

You do not need to defend Marigrace because nobody is attacking her here. Stating your opinion and listening to others is why we are here. You can't personalize every case of child abuse. Sometimes it is the mothers bad judgement and sometimes it's just pure bad luck. I'm sure this subject is just too close for comfort right now.

I seem to be pissing people off left and right. I guess you are right and I should not be putting her name in here but I take offense when anyone mentions the mother. I agree that sometimes it is their bad choices that put their children in harms way but without having a stamp on the jackass who murders these children how could they know? There is no way to know that no matter how long your dating them.

 

[csds703]

I seem to be pissing people off left and right. I guess you are right and I should not be putting her name in here but I take offense when anyone mentions the mother. I agree that sometimes it is their bad choices that put their children in harms way but without having a stamp on the jackass who murders these children how could they know? There is no way to know that no matter how long your dating them.

You're not pissing me off.

I want to start by saying I am truly sorry for your loss. Kaylee's death and how she died really effected me. Thankfully, nothing like that has ever happened in my life.
As I have stated before, I don't like to assume that when something as horrendous as the death of a child occurs that is the mothers fault. I was also a single mom. I am now remarried. I consider myself lucky that he is a good guy. My first husband was not.
I'm sure that Marigrace had no clue that this guy could be such a monster. Normal people just don't think that way. I will bet that in the future she will be more paranoid about who she gets involved with.
Alot of the posters on this board have been victims, or the family of victims.
As you now know, that in and of itself causes very strong opinions and reactions.
I'm just saying, don't take their opinions personally.

 

[Melissa Marshall]

You're not pissing me off.

I want to start by saying I am truly sorry for your loss. Kaylee's death and how she died really effected me. Thankfully, nothing like that has ever happened in my life.
As I have stated before, I don't like to assume that when something as horrendous as the death of a child occurs that is the mothers fault. I was also a single mom. I am now remarried. I consider myself lucky that he is a good guy. My first husband was not.
I'm sure that Marigrace had no clue that this guy could be such a monster. Normal people just don't think that way. I will bet that in the future she will be more paranoid about who she gets involved with.
Alot of the posters on this board have been victims, or the family of victims.
As you now know, that in and of itself causes very strong opinions and reactions.
I'm just saying, don't take their opinions personally.

Thank you very much for your post. I am glad that you found a great guy. They are hard to come by. I will keep that in mind and try not to take things personally. Thanks again.

 

[concernedperson]

Thank you very much for your post. I am glad that you found a great guy. They are hard to come by. I will keep that in mind and try not to take things personally. Thanks again.

Honey, you are so raw right now. And I don't blame you as I would be feeling the same way. But others on this forum have experienced similar situations and Jeana is one. The lost of her sister is painful and the lost of resolve in a case is even more painful. So, look at all perspectives.This is a great support group and there are many stories. Bless Kaylee always. And you too, sweetheart. You need to have a hug.

 

[sandraladeda]

http://www.pressrepublican.com/Archive/14_days/080520051.htm

Try this link.

FWIW, from the article, it appears the mother did not know the boyfriend all that long...

 

[Melissa Marshall]

That link worked thank you. What a terrible thing to happen. Everyone they spoke to says that is not in his character to hurt the child. Very sad. That poor family. I apologize to those whom I offended. I do not know your backgrounds and what you have gone through. I am trying to take each case differently and watch how I post to people. Thanks to the help of a couple of you on here. I am a very outspoken person who posts first and thinks later. I am not an evil person and hope that none of you think that. Have a good evening.:blowkiss: