GUILTY NY - Stephen McKay, 3, beaten to death, Crown Point, 2 Aug 2005

[Linda7NJ]

That link worked thank you. What a terrible thing to happen. Everyone they spoke to says that is not in his character to hurt the child. Very sad. That poor family. I apologize to those whom I offended. I do not know your backgrounds and what you have gone through. I am trying to take each case differently and watch how I post to people. Thanks to the help of a couple of you on here. I am a very outspoken person who posts first and thinks later. I am not an evil person and hope that none of you think that. Have a good evening.:blowkiss:

I am sure no one thinks that!:blowkiss: Big HUG to you!

 

[Tom'sGirl]

That link worked thank you. What a terrible thing to happen. Everyone they spoke to says that is not in his character to hurt the child. Very sad. That poor family. I apologize to those whom I offended. I do not know your backgrounds and what you have gone through. I am trying to take each case differently and watch how I post to people. Thanks to the help of a couple of you on here. I am a very outspoken person who posts first and thinks later. I am not an evil person and hope that none of you think that. Have a good evening.:blowkiss:

MM, you certainly didn't offend anyone, you were responding to a blanket statement that I too was also offended by.

If the the world were perfect, no child, or other would be molested or murdered...........BUT THE WORLD ISN'T PERFECT, and either are people.

Many with the worst judgement DON'T encounter horrible ordeals, and some with the best judgement and intentions DO endure them.

Post first, and think later all you want kid..........others do all the time!

 

[PrayersForMaura]

http://www.pressrepublican.com/Archive/14_days/080520051.htm

Try this link.

FWIW, from the article, it appears the mother did not know the boyfriend all that long...

Thanks for the link.

These paragraphs hit me hard about the mother:
"
McDonald had worked for the past two months at the Wal-Mart in Ticonderoga.

Sharon Weber, a spokeswoman from Wal-Mart headquarters in Arkansas, said McDonald was a "wonderful cashier, always smiling."

The tragedy was difficult news for co-workers, Weber said.

"She's a member of our family, and it's very sad for everyone at the store," Weber said. "Our thoughts and prayers are with her and her family as they go through this time."
"

This mother is going to have to live with this everyday for the rest of her life.
I sure feel pity for her and not any blame.



Hindsight is definitely 20/20

PS ... it's the boyfriend's fault ... he's the one who murdered the child.

 

[PrayersForMaura]

Does it say anywhere how long the woman dated the man? I didn't notice it anywhere and the link is invalid.

It was longer than 2 months. They moved in together two months ago:

"Varmette and McDonald have been seeing each other for a short while and had moved in together just two months ago."

 

[GreenEyes727]

I actually have very conservative views on dating and marriage. What I hesitate to do is ASSUME that someone is being irresponsible when something bad happens. Just look at Laci. Sometimes things aren't what they seem and there are no warning signs unless you're playing monday morning quarterback.

Here Here!

 

[GreenEyes727]

That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying they should get to know the man BEFORE THEY EVER BRING HIM AROUND THEIR CHILD.

If parents don't put their children in situations where they can be hurt, they won't be hurt. I'm not saying everything is preventable, but having your child murdered in his or her own home because they allow men they've only known for a few months live in or watch their children, then that situation is preventable - 100% preventable.

We live in such crazy times. I feel bad whenever I see a child that I don't know and I am afraid to say hi because I don't know if that child considers me a danger (stranger-danger) and that just sucks. It sucks for the child. It sucks that there is this percentage of animals in the world that ruin our world. It sucks that if a child needed help, he or she might be afraid to ask someone because they are a stranger. I could go on and on.

On another note, I cannot believe how harshly people are treating Melissa. Hello, let's take into consideration that she just had a tragic death of a family member - a baby. If you don't agree with her . . . then either say it kindly or don't say it.

 

[GreenEyes727]

MM, you certainly didn't offend anyone, you were responding to a blanket statement that I too was also offended by.

If the the world were perfect, no child, or other would be molested or murdered...........BUT THE WORLD ISN'T PERFECT, and either are people.

Many with the worst judgement DON'T encounter horrible ordeals, and some with the best judgement and intentions DO endure them.

Post first, and think later all you want kid..........others do all the time!

What a great post . . . and so, so true.

 

[gangsta]

It is very unnescesary to put "mommy's boyfriend". I guess a single mom is suppose to not date until their child is 18 and out of the home. Do you actually think that if these women had ANY idea at all that their child were in danger with a murderer they would date them???

I think single moms or fathers have an onus to know who the are exposing their children to in their OWN home. Too many times the new 'person' is responsible for the harm or death of a non biological child and YES the other is fully aware of the abuse. I think there is in fact women so pathetic to let a man do that to her own child as if she does not let him he will leave. It is such a tragedy that children are born to such weak people and I think both need to be charged. I am so tired of children being the 'blunt' end of other people's crap.

Having said all this, this in no way ignores that biological parents are as capable of harming their own children. But there is something going on with these women who put up with this mess and they are not the ones who pay the ultimate price. Having said that some of these guys are so good at hiding their real selves they could fool just about anybody into thinking they are the best thing, a knight in shining armour. I think too often in the casualness of sex/ relationship these days, there is too much of a rush to bring a man into the home.

I have been a single mom for 19 years and my child has never been physically harmed by another or molested. That is NOT a coincidence and yes I kept men out of my home and life for many years as my family, career was my priority.


ps. sorry to hear about your pain....

 

[GreenEyes727]

I think single moms or fathers have an onus to know who the are exposing their children to in their OWN home. Too many times the new 'person' is responsible for the harm or death of a non biological child and YES the other is fully aware of the abuse. I think there is in fact women so pathetic to let a man do that to her own child as if she does not let him he will leave. It is such a tragedy that children are born to such weak people and I think both need to be charged. I am so tired of children being the 'blunt' end of other people's crap.

Having said all this, this in no way ignores that biological parents are as capable of harming their own children. But there is something going on with these women who put up with this mess and they are not the ones who pay the ultimate price. Having said that some of these guys are so good at hiding their real selves they could fool just about anybody into thinking they are the best thing, a knight in shining armour. I think too often in the casualness of sex/ relationship these days, there is too much of a rush to bring a man into the home.

I have been a single mom for 19 years and my child has never been physically harmed by another or molested. That is NOT a coincidence and yes I kept men out of my home and life for many years as my family, career was my priority.


ps. sorry to hear about your pain....

It is very unfortunate that women put up with abusive men at the expense of their children, that is true. And the fact that some children are hurt/killed by their very own mothers or fathers is true too. I am also realizing that I am somewhat of a naive person, despite my 47 years on this Earth. But I have learned one thing and that is not to judge people because you REALLY AND TRULY never know what they have been through in the lives to bring them to the place where they are when tragedies occur. You will think I'm really a weirdo when I say that I think that Susan Smith really loved her children but just wacked out when she sent her car, along with her children, in that river that day back in 1994. My first clue was the pictures and videos of the boys. They were healthy and smiling and dressed nice and I just didn't see any signs of neglect anywhere. I saw great remorse from her. I still don't understand how she faked not knowing for the amount of days that she did but again, we will never really and truly know where her head was at. I read her mother's book about her . . . "My Daughter, Susan Smith". Her own mother believes in her. That's enough for me. I wouldn't want to be Susan Smith, even if she got away with drowning her own babies and was never brought to trial and found guilty. I wouldn't want to be Susan Smith because she was and is a tortured soul. How about Andrea Yates? In her sick mind, she was saving her babies from the devil by drowning them in the bathtub. The operative word is sick. So women do kill their own children as well as men. Should men beware of who they bring home to meet their kids? Sure. But again, the poster who said that we don't live in a perfect world is right and we can't go through life being paranoid that someone who seems nice is not and stay holed up for 18 years avoiding bad people. As to Melissa Marshall, she is in enough pain and again I say, if you don't have anything kind to say to her, don't say it. As to Kaylee's murderer, I don't know what made him do that to a baby, but I fear that he is not of God's making, unless he truly is mentally ill, as were Susan Smith and Andrea Yates. Anyway, Kaylee is smiling her beautiful smile in Heaven now.

 

[mysteriew]

I
I have been a single mom for 19 years and my child has never been physically harmed by another or molested. That is NOT a coincidence and yes I kept men out of my home and life for many years as my family, career was my priority.


ps. sorry to hear about your pain....

I am so glad you are so protective. I really am. But tell me- do you take your children to see their grandparents? Is your child ever in the house with her grandfather?
Let me tell you a story. When I was a teen- I was molested by my grandfather on at least 3 occasions. My parents were sitting in the living room while it was happening in another room. I found out later that I was the 5th of the 6 grandchildren that he molested. At least I know of 6, there were a lot of grandchildren. I didn't tell. I don't know why, I was embarrassed, I felt guilty, I didn't want to see my father upset- maybe in prison. Do I blame my parents for taking me there? No. For not seeing what was happening? No. Do I suggest that people stop taking their kids to see their grandparents? No. Not every grandparent was like mine. My parents did not knowingly endanger me by taking me to my grandparents. They couldn't control what my gf did. (and they couldn't make me talk about it also not their fault). They were in the home with me, they were available for me to talk to, they didn't knowingly offer me to my gf.

If the parents know what is going to happen, then they deserve the same or more punishment as the perp (or more). But if the parents take reasonable precautions and something occurs- then I am sorry. It is not their fault. Children and parents deserve reasonable lives. They deserve and need to be interacting with other members of society. That is healthy for the children, the parents and society in general. (A parent who has withdrawn from society is more likely to harm the children themselves).

 

[concernedperson]

I am so glad you are so protective. I really am. But tell me- do you take your children to see their grandparents? Is your child ever in the house with her grandfather?
Let me tell you a story. When I was a teen- I was molested by my grandfather on at least 3 occasions. My parents were sitting in the living room while it was happening in another room. I found out later that I was the 5th of the 6 grandchildren that he molested. At least I know of 6, there were a lot of grandchildren. I didn't tell. I don't know why, I was embarrassed, I felt guilty, I didn't want to see my father upset- maybe in prison. Do I blame my parents for taking me there? No. For not seeing what was happening? No. Do I suggest that people stop taking their kids to see their grandparents? No. Not every grandparent was like mine. My parents did not knowingly endanger me by taking me to my grandparents. They couldn't control what my gf did. (and they couldn't make me talk about it also not their fault). They were in the home with me, they were available for me to talk to, they didn't knowingly offer me to my gf.

If the parents know what is going to happen, then they deserve the same or more punishment as the perp (or more). But if the parents take reasonable precautions and something occurs- then I am sorry. It is not their fault. Children and parents deserve reasonable lives. They deserve and need to be interacting with other members of society. That is healthy for the children, the parents and society in general. (A parent who has withdrawn from society is more likely to harm the children themselves).

I am so sorry for you. But I am also aware of parental disacknowledgement when they don't want to face it. They usually know more but whisk it away as it is too painful. They typically seem to draw a correlation as to how it didn't affect the person...i.e. the hymen wasn't broken so no further molestation occured. This is part and parcel to the whole package. I would hope newtv posts on this thread and tells us from an MD and psychiatrist what this means.

 

[Mami2babygirlz]

I absolutely hate what has happened to this child no matter who committed this crime... No child should ever have to know that kind of pain and suffering!!!!!!

I would also like to point out a few quotes from the newspapers... tell me if you see ANYTHING wrong with these statements:

On another occasion, McDonald testified, Varmette reprimanded the boy for not doing the exercise right.

“What, if anything, did he (Varmette) say?” Donlon asked.

“If he (Stephen) didn’t continue to do the wall sit correctly, he was going to get a pair of tongs and rip his penis off.”

Then, McDonald said, Varmette went into the kitchen and came out with a pair of grilling tongs, pulled down the boy’s shorts, took the tongs and pinched his groin area.

“Stephen cried and screamed,” McDonald said.

“You saw this?” Donlon asked. “Why didn’t you leave?”

“Because I wanted to try and make us a family,” McDonald said.

Tell me all you mothers in here, if you saw someone REALLY doing this to your child, would you STAY???? I don't know any Mother or person for that matter who would watch something like the mother is describing here and STAY!!!! I also would like to point out that this mother has purgered herself in the newspaper as well.... They stated that in the roll over car accident (in which the 3 year old boy was not in a car seat) they had, she lied and told the officer she was driving to keep her boyfriend out of trouble... She signed SEVERAL traffic tickets, which are considered legal documents, therefore swearing on a legal document that she was driving!!!! obviously, this woman has no issue with LYING TO OFFICERS OF THE LAW...

(All the information stated above can be found in the pressrepublic.com archives)

I also think the prosecution is grabbing at straws here having the neighbor testify to "hearing noises that COULD have been him abusing the boy"... These noises could have been one of a million things... what was the point of that testimony... how many of you mothers live or have lived in an apartment with children... Any one of my neighbors could at any time hear thumping noises coming from my apartment... I have two small kids... it could be walking, running, jumping, tantrums, something falling, etc...

Like I said, this is a tragety for that little boy and those who loved him... My heart goes out to them!!! I just think you should look at the case with BOTH eyes open...

 

[nanandjim]

It is very unnescesary to put "mommy's boyfriend". I guess a single mom is suppose to not date until their child is 18 and out of the home. Do you actually think that if these women had ANY idea at all that their child were in danger with a murderer they would date them???

Jeanna is only pointing out a fact that is true. Time and time again, children are raped, abused and murdered by someone that the mother is dating. Oftentimes, the mother even knows of the abuse and turns a blind eye to it. Heaven forbid, that she be without a man or put her children (who didn't ask to be born) ahead of her own needs.

Now, to answer your post: Single mothers can date. They just should not expose their dates/boyfriends to their children. And, yes, many of these women have lots of ideas that their child/children are in danger. And, yes, they still date them.

Do a little research. You'll see for yourself that what I have said is sad but true.

 

[mysteriew]

Nanandjim I can agree with you to a point. Personally I believe that any mother who is aware of and does nothing about a boyfriend abusing their child should be punished, maybe even receive punishment exceeding what the boyfriend receives.
Yes, we hear of a lot of boyfriend's and stepfather's who abuse the children. But not all boyfriend's and stepfathers do. Some boyfriends and stepfathers treat the girlfriend's kids better than the biological parents.
To say no single mother should date, because some boyfriend's will abuse their kids is like saying no child should be left with their mother and father. Because sometimes mothers and father's abuse and kill their kids.
I can live with the fact that a single parent should be alert, aware, observant, and proactive in the introduction of the boyfriend to the kids and willing to take action on any problems. In other words, the single parent has to be able to put their kids first- just like any other parent.

 

[2beautifulboys]

I completely agree with you nanandjim, mama2babygirlz and jeana. We continue to read on this site everyday story after story of someone who is living with the mother that ends up killing the beautiful child. I am sorry for everyone's stories of pain and loss that are referenced here, but being a mother is a tough job as I'm sure you will all agree. The number one priority of a mother is the safety and security of their child. Yes, the murderers are the ones truly at fault for the crime, but the mothers in some of these cases are presenting the opportunity by allowing these men that they do not know very well around their children. If you are divorced and want companionship I'm sure it's tough. I'm not divorced so I don't know that story, however I am a mother and I do know the mother story very well and there is no way in hell that I am gonna watch someone treat my 3 year old (I have a 3 and 6 year old) like that and he is gonna live to tell about it. Mother's have a responsibility to their children and bringing men around them is NOT to be taken lightly, but so many women do. Yes these men are evil, I truly believe it, but you don't knowingly open the door to the devil by using poor judgement. Just like you don't sit down on the train tracks for a picnic because there is no train coming right now. Mother's need to put priority on their children and not their need to be with a man. I agree wholeheartedly with the poster that made mention that single mothers can date, that's fine, but you don't bring these men around your children for an incredibly long time and you certainly don't leave your children alone with them for an even longer time period. People have to use common sense to prevent crime. It's like locking your doors when you are in the house or when you leave, there is no reason to invite a criminal opportunity into your house where your beloved children are. I am so sad for this little one, what a beautiful little life that suffered so much. We will miss you little one.

 

[sherri79]

http://www.northcountrygazette.org/articles/2007/031307MaxForMurder.html
ELIZABETHTOWN---Greggary L. Varmette got the maximum prison sentence of 25 years to life for the murder of Stephen McKay, the three-year-old son of his girlfriend.

Varmette, 22, of Crown Point, was convicted of two counts of second degree murder Jan. 22 after a jury deliberated about two hours following an eight-day trial. He was also found guilty of endangering the welfare of a child.

Varmette was sentenced Monday by Judge Jerome Richards to one year for the endangerment charge which was transferred to the life sentence and will be served concurrently.

 

[NewMom2003]

I'm happy to see that this monster has been convicted and sentenced, but I am bothered that it is second degree murder and not first.

Why is that? I just don't understand. Do our courts think a child's life is less valuable than an adults?

 

[sherri79]

I'm happy to see that this monster has been convicted and sentenced, but I am bothered that it is second degree murder and not first.

Why is that? I just don't understand. Do our courts think a child's life is less valuable than an adults?

i think it comes down to could they prove he wanted to kill the child. maybe they thought they could only prove he wanted to beat the living hell out of a baby but not that he wanted it to die. imo its crap. you beat a baby you are trying to kill it but it's the law. go figure.:banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

 

[miimaa]

It is very unnescesary to put "mommy's boyfriend". I guess a single mom is suppose to not date until their child is 18 and out of the home. Do you actually think that if these women had ANY idea at all that their child were in danger with a murderer they would date them???

I have to STRONGLY disagree. There is a difference between "dating" and moving some man into your house with your child. It is your DUTY to protect that child and provide for his wellbeing BEFORE you worry about what is between your legs. Get to know the man - see how he treats your children - ask yourself if the children like him.

Of course a mother wouldn't leave her child with someone she knew would murder him/her. But these mothers aren't thinking about that - they are thinking about themselves. I was a single mother for 20 years - I dated - I had sex - but I never moved a man into my house and let him take care of my son while I worked.

 

[miimaa]

For crying out loud Jeana, look how many couples that are married commit the same type of crime!

It's unfair to say "they didn't take the time necessary to get to know them"...........how long did you get to know your boyfriends when you were young, or your husband?

While parents do kill their children - it seems a lot more children die at the hands of the "mommy's boyfriend". How long did it take to get to know my boyfriends when I was younger???? A while - but I DID NOT leave them alone with my kids (even though I didn't have any then). My husband - took me about a year to get to know him. He was next to me when our son was born, he was there for birthdays, Christmas, etc. He wasn't living in my house for sexual convenience or because he was too lazy to have his own place.