Parents pay kids for good grades

[OneLostGrl]

I don't have super strong feelings about this if it works for some parents, but it's not my style. Of course, I'm also a parent that doesn't really care what grades my kids get. I want my kids to focus on and discover what their purpose is. The journey to that knowledge is peppered, I suspect, with all types of grades - good and bad.

I'd rather them be the best behaved kids in their class or the kindest kids in their class or the most resourceful kids in their class than the kids who get straight As. Grades in and of themselves don't mean too much to me, so I would have a hard time rewarding for them.

I also don't attach allowance to chores. I want my kids to help out around the household because that's what families do and because there is intrinsic value in that. I give allowance to teach money management, a separate issue to me.

That said, I am not above bribery as a tool of parenting...I just don't use it in this area.

I agree with a lot of what you said. Although my (bio) son is basically an A-B student he does not get in trouble for bringing home a C or even a D or F as long as he honestly *tried*... give it your all is all we ask of them!

AJ (foster child) is another story and because of the life he lived before he came to us, we deal with school differently with him. We were so very proud that he PASSED this year!


My kids school recognizes and rewards good behavior. They have "Behavior honor roll" and get to be the first in the lunch line... are given "excuses" from homework and are allowed to "skip" a class and replace it with another one of your classes you'd rather attend. (My son LOVES this one - he always chooses Orchestra).

I think it's important to reward kids for good behavior!

 

[Cypros]

Hi southcitymom,


I was always extremely convinced that my children should go to college! I have three (of 4)that did and the youngest just got his AA and heads to university in the fall. The thing is that lately I have been reading a lot of info that says that we are heading into a "service oriented world" where the person who can change your oil or balance your books or open a daycare and care for your children will be the ones who can command any price the market will bear. Seems we have a glut of well educated professionals and a growing shortage of "service" workers. Supply and demand creates a better paying world for those with a skilled service. By the time you pay for your education or pay off loans for 4 to 6 years, what would bave happened if you had just invested that same amount of money wisely instead? Its food for thought definitely. I might do it differently if I had little children now. you have to look ahead and see what the trends are for sure. :twocents:

This is such an important point. Way too many kids are seeking a college education -- so many kids who really have no interesting in the broad education that is defined by a university and so many who will have trouble competing in the oversated market of professionals. America needs to increase the availability and quality of technical schools and encourage young people who want to obtain more directed training without all of the extra gen ed requirements to go there. We also need to place more value on the skills of "service" workers so that young people who are talented or interested in those fields are not made to feel that it is beneath them or not as important as "professional" work.

 

[narlacat]

We should do a swap Cypros

We let 20,000 professionals in last year, seems we have too many tradesmans and not enough professionals.

 

[Beyond Belief]

Personally, I think the whole educational system needs to be revised. Definitely vocational schools need to be in every county. College should just be included in the whole edcuation. Drop the junior, senior years of highschool and move right into the freshman, sophmore years of college. Extend the normal education to 14 years instead of the 12. If they choose to become a grease monkey after graduating, so be it. At least they have the knowledge to go forward in life that they need. There should never be "drop outs". Vocational school would resolve that. In this fast pace, informational era we live in, these young people need all the education they can get, no matter what profession they choose.

 

[Cypros]

We should do a swap Cypros

We let 20,000 professionals in last year, seems we have too many tradesmans and not enough professionals.

Yes, let's!! That would be a good international relations tactic!

 

[Cypros]

Personally, I think the whole educational system needs to be revised. Definitely vocational schools need to be in every county. College should just be included in the whole edcuation. Drop the junior, senior years of highschool and move right into the freshman, sophmore years of college. Extend the normal education to 14 years instead of the 12. If they choose to become a grease monkey after graduating, so be it. At least they have the knowledge to go forward in life that they need. There should never be "drop outs". Vocational school would resolve that. In this fast pace, informational era we live in, these young people need all the education they can get, no matter what profession they choose.

I agree with the need to revise the whole system, but I can't agree with enforced college beginning after 10th grade. The majority of students are not functioning at college level after graduating high school. How could they do it with only a 10th grade education? Plus, at age 18 they are adults and can do what they want. You can't force someone to go to school beyond 18 unless you change the legal definition of an adult.

To get back to the topic of the thread. What needs to happen is for the kids to actually learn important basic skills and also to learn to think critically, instead of focusing attention on test scores and grades. How many students receive good grades but really don't learn the material? Teachers are often too lenient and even afraid to give students the grades they actually deserve. And plenty of students are masters at manipulating their teachers for grades. IMO, paying students for their grades just feeds into that. And then there are the lax standards for teachers. I have my college students telling me about how they never really learned anything in their high school history or english class because it was taught by one of the coaches who just showed films all the time (But they got that A!!). Now the students are suffering because they didn't gain the foundation knowledge that is assumed when they are in college. This attitude is most common with humanities courses and is reflected in the decline of support for the humanities (the basis of a university education) in American colleges.

 

[Glow]

Personally, I think the whole educational system needs to be revised. Definitely vocational schools need to be in every county. College should just be included in the whole edcuation. Drop the junior, senior years of highschool and move right into the freshman, sophmore years of college. Extend the normal education to 14 years instead of the 12. If they choose to become a grease monkey after graduating, so be it. At least they have the knowledge to go forward in life that they need. There should never be "drop outs". Vocational school would resolve that. In this fast pace, informational era we live in, these young people need all the education they can get, no matter what profession they choose.

Your idea makes a lot of sense. A lot of colleges/ highschools now offer "dual enrollment" which makes better use of the last two high school years by letting them segway into college. It is free to the parents and gives the child a little bit of a leg up.

 

[southcitymom]

Hi southcitymom,


I was always extremely convinced that my children should go to college! I have three (of 4)that did and the youngest just got his AA and heads to university in the fall. The thing is that lately I have been reading a lot of info that says that we are heading into a "service oriented world" where the person who can change your oil or balance your books or open a daycare and care for your children will be the ones who can command any price the market will bear. Seems we have a glut of well educated professionals and a growing shortage of "service" workers. Supply and demand creates a better paying world for those with a skilled service. By the time you pay for your education or pay off loans for 4 to 6 years, what would bave happened if you had just invested that same amount of money wisely instead? Its food for thought definitely. I might do it differently if I had little children now. you have to look ahead and see what the trends are for sure. :twocents:

Great post. I agree that college is not for everyone. I am from a family of three girls. I went to college (where I double majored, most impractically, in English and Religion - it never crossed my mind WHAT I would do with such a major!) and today, after 20 years of working in a number of different fields, I have my own business. My middle sister got her G.E.D and did not attend college. Today, she is a medical biller - she enjoys it and makes a good living. My youngest sister went to 2 years of college, then dropped out and went to massage school. Today, she has her own massage therapy practice. We are all happy doing what we do and we all had different paths in terms of formal schooling. My parents were wise enough to support those different paths. It really depends on the child/person.

Some of the most successful human beings I know have little to no formal schooling. Some of the most unsuccessful people I know have multiple degrees. To me, formal education is no predictor of future satisfaction with your career or life.

 

[cappuccina]

My kids do sports and music lessons; those are priveleges they get to keep if their grades are good...

Kids are spoiled anough without paying them for what they are supposed to be doing...And as for chores, we pay, but only for the "extra" chores....We do NOT pay for them keeping their rooms clean, for example....We DO pay for yardwork, and extra kitchen or laundry help, for example...

I was a straight-A student....never got a cent for my grades...

 

[Jeana (DP)]

Hi southcitymom,


I was always extremely convinced that my children should go to college! I have three (of 4)that did and the youngest just got his AA and heads to university in the fall. The thing is that lately I have been reading a lot of info that says that we are heading into a "service oriented world" where the person who can change your oil or balance your books or open a daycare and care for your children will be the ones who can command any price the market will bear. Seems we have a glut of well educated professionals and a growing shortage of "service" workers. Supply and demand creates a better paying world for those with a skilled service. By the time you pay for your education or pay off loans for 4 to 6 years, what would bave happened if you had just invested that same amount of money wisely instead? Its food for thought definitely. I might do it differently if I had little children now. you have to look ahead and see what the trends are for sure. :twocents:

That may or may not be the case, but if they don't have an education, they don't get the choice. Never fear though. The world will always need check out ladies and Wal-Mart greeters.

 

[Cheetah]

I pay $100 for straight "A"s. I want my child to have choices and she needs good grades to get them. If I have to pay for it...so be it. I paid $50 in elementary, and I will probally raise it to $150 in high school.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

I pay $100 for straight "A"s. I want my child to have choices and she needs good grades to get them. If I have to pay for it...so be it. I paid $50 in elementary, and I will probally raise it to $150 in high school.

Feel like adopting me?

 

[Sandy247]

Feel like adopting me?

Haha I was thinking the same thing Jeana! I have in the past paid for good grades. Now that my son is getting older and has chores, he get money for that and we reward other ways for good grades. Like maybe a night out at the movies or my hubby will take him on a fishing trip or something. I think everyone has a different way of rewarding. I don't see money as a bad reward though.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

Haha I was thinking the same thing Jeana! I have in the past paid for good grades. Now that my son is getting older and has chores, he get money for that and we reward other ways for good grades. Like maybe a night out at the movies or my hubby will take him on a fishing trip or something. I think everyone has a different way of rewarding. I don't see money as a bad reward though.

I think that's terrific! Most kids would probably rather spend time with mom and dad anyway!!

 

[Cheetah]

Feel like adopting me?

lol, no sorry can't afford another one!

 

[Cheetah]

Haha I was thinking the same thing Jeana! I have in the past paid for good grades. Now that my son is getting older and has chores, he get money for that and we reward other ways for good grades. Like maybe a night out at the movies or my hubby will take him on a fishing trip or something. I think everyone has a different way of rewarding. I don't see money as a bad reward though.

I'm the opposite. If she does her chores all week, then she gets to pick a weekend activity for both of us with a $40 limit. If she wants to do something that costs more, we do a "free" activity one weekend and save the money, or sometimes we save it for the month and splurge. Our free activities are going the park, library, bike riding, etc...

 

[GlitchWizard]

I raised my daughter on bribes - oh wait "rewards". I didn't use them for grades because she always had excellent ones up until her head injury - now I can't use it for grades because who knows what is not-trying and what is brain injury?

This said - I am still bribing her. When she starts college, we will go see the GYN. If she is still "intact" (virgin) she will get a truck to go to college with. If not, she's walking.

Right or wrong - probably depends how it's implemented. You can spoil a kid in a million ways, or raise them to learn the value of things in a million ways - it's all how you present it.

Someone once told me that the way to tell if you are spoiling a child is if you do something for them you do not feel comfortable doing. That makes sense. If they scream and yell and you give them something to shut them up - that is spoiling. If they make you proud and you buy something for them they don't expect, or cook a favorite meal or something - that is not spoiling.

That's the rule of thumb I follow.

 

[southcitymom]

This said - I am still bribing her. When she starts college, we will go see the GYN. If she is still "intact" (virgin) she will get a truck to go to college with. If not, she's walking.

Is this a valid way to tell if someone is still a virgin? Just wondering.... I know my hymen broke long before I was sexually active.

 

[IdahoMom]

I think it's just fine for parents to reward their children for good grades.

 

[Cheetah]

Is this a valid way to tell if someone is still a virgin? Just wondering.... I know my hymen broke long before I was sexually active.

I was going to say the same exact thing. I had my first "visit" when I was 14 and the Doctor thought I was sexually active....which I wasn't. I'm not sure when mine broke but it was long before I had sex.

I do have a written agreement with my soon to be 13 year old. If she stays away from drugs, alcohol, and tobacco, she gets a car for her 18th birthday. That is the only way she will get a car out of me!

We talk about sex all the time, I try to teach her to respect her body and not let just "anyone" touch it. She has a boy she likes at school and yesterday she told me he kissed her So I asked her if he kissed her on the mouth and she said "Are you crazy, he's not worthy enough to kiss these lips".