Your welcome M86, and thanks, I'm doing okay, not great, this is very difficult,
no part of being a family member of a missing person is easy.
And just know that just because a case is private doesn't mean that the public cannot help the case. I am trying desperately to find a South Dakota platform on the net where I can talk to the public and help them understand how they can help her case. Unfortunately, I have talked to hundreds of people from that area but they don't seem to understand the message that I am trying to convey, even though it is extremely simple. The problem is if they don't have much sleuthing experience, they will not know what to look for when talking to others about a missing person.
But I know that a complete stranger, whom would know absolutely nothing about my Sister, could walk around her town and ask about her and could learn a lot about her in a fairly short length of time. I know this because I have had people do just that.
Then, once those people know about her, they can then ask about events, and there are plenty of events in any human's life. Those events, and that knowledge of her can lead to "indicators" of what has happened. How else do you think private investigators do it, they do it the same way that I just described, they start with nothing, and search until they have enough information to piece the puzzle pieces together.
The problem comes in when people are unaware that they are looking at the facts from a biased point of view.
Others have told me what they think has happened or whom they think is responsible by basing their hunches on those very prejudices that they don't seem to notice.
Example; I think John Doe didn't do anything to Jane Doe because Jane liked that person, well that is two assumptions, one, that Jane really liked that person, and two that Jane had good judgment of whom she was friends with. Or I know John Doe and he would never do that, well if anyone had done a background check on John Doe they would have never said that. Or, John Doe had to have been the reason that Jane is missing because he has a criminal background and knew her well, but some people with criminal backgrounds are rehabilitated, and I know family members that don't even know their own family members, so how do you know that he knew her well.
Those are just a few examples of how people process unknown crimes in their minds, it is hard for them to see how the foundation that they base their assumptions on are faulty to begin with since they are based on logical fallacies and biased point of views.
That is why the world has private investigators, they know what to look for and can view things though an unbiased perspective.
So could the public help?, yes they could, they just don't know how to do that. And one of the strangest things that really surprised me was that people really don't want to talk to the family of missing people, they just don't. I have given my email to hundreds of people, and I have even talked on the phone to quite a few as well and they will talk maybe two or three times if I'm lucky and that's about all. Then I will hear that they have plenty to say, since I will bump into people who know them, but they just won't tell the family anything, I just hear it through the gossip mills, because they think the subject content is too graphic, or the information would be too much of a character discredit of someone involved, or that they fear upsetting us emotionally in general.
Thus, the family is forced into hiring outside help and to keep working with the professionals that are assigned to the different aspects of the case. I still call people and will always seek more information, but for the most part, we are working on this pretty much on our own due to those circumstances.
I do relate to your frustration though, I get an ear full of the public's frustration about twice a week through second hand gossip just so I don't forget how they feel, it is hard on us because we can't help them in understanding how this whole process works because they won't talk to us, and that's the problem, they talk among themselves, but not to us.
This is how it feels to be the family of the missing person, we can receive disheartening news from the professionals, we can receive the complaints from the public, we can be solicited by the media, we can have several family members that disagree about the case and can cause tension, and all the while we have to keep trying to work on the case, it is mentally and emotionally completely exhausting. Protection becomes a full time job, protecting information and other family members feelings from getting overloaded.
Also, I even fear sharing this with you M86, because you might read this and decide on your own (instead of asking me how I feel) that you shouldn't talk to me about your frustration anymore since I am going through so much. The truth is, I want others to ask me and to talk to me and allow me the right to decide what I can or cannot handle, instead of them always making those decisions for me.
If I could say one thing to the public it would be; Talk to me!
But I can't,,,,,, cause they think the case is private so they "assume" I can't say anything at all, and they "assume" what I am feeling about things, and decide that I can't handle talking to them.
As I have told you before, I do appreciate your unadorned honesty M86, you can't possibly offend me by asking me questions and sharing your frustrations, it is most understandable for you to want to wonder why these cases are like this and to express your emotions on how it feels to be on the outside without knowing. I feel exactly the same as you, I am on the inside with the knowing, and I feel just as frustrated as you do and I have the same number of questions that you have, it's funny, we both feel the same way, no greener grass over here either. lol
slyon
