If I could speak to Julia, I would tell her that it's never going to get better for her. She will continue to live this chaotic half-life, never knowing when that knock on the door will come. The frenzied panic you try to alleviate with cleaning and ritual, and that is exacerbated by what you did to you son, will never be enough to stop this. The only redemption you can ever have will be from confessing and allowing yourself to be imprisoned. There, in a quiet and clean jail cell, which you will have to yourself, you may find peace. It will be a completely controlled environment, all cement and metal. No dust or dirt. Everything in it's place, everything you do regimented and controlled. Once you confess, you will be able to let go, relax and stop fighting the inevitable. If you fear what others will think of you, the persona you have tried so hard to build of a strong, sane, healthy mom, don't. That was forever tainted the moment Sky's story hit the media. You will never have peace. You will never have a normal life. And those, if any, that still support you, WILL tire of you. They will discover your true self. You cannot keep it from your brother and mother and friends forever. In fact, they most likely already know who you really are and what you have done, but are only standing by you from pity. But, their patience will run out. I promise you that. Please, let go. It will be such a release to be able to give up these lies and truly repent.
All moo...and IF I could speak to Julia
