WA WA - Sky Metalwala, 2, Bellevue, 6 Nov 2011 - # 8

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The majority of bipolar sufferers are not violent. The ones that are, are almost ALWAYS manic and high and/or drunk. They are more dangerous (physically) to themselves than others. They are mean and moody and make you feel like a terrible person but they dont generally hurt people.
 
I'm here and been here from the start. :seeya:

Speculation on your part. Some are suggesting the photos were staged. There is no evidence that they were. None.

He obviously didn't get his daughter now either. He got supervised visits. There is obviously something wrong with him not getting full unsupervised custody.

Depends on what you consider evidence. For example, almost every picture is timed to specifically refute an allegation on SM's part. The dad's declaration stating in great detail exactly what the problems with the mother were, when combined with the timing of the photos, can be considered evidence that she might have staged them.

I suffer from severe panic attacks. They have a pretty significant impact on how I live, the things I can do. Not just the attacks themselves, which are horrid enough, but the fear that doing something might lead to an attack. My thoughts and fears are insane.

Crazy.

Not psycho mind you, I have no dead hookers in the trunk of my car, so I am pretty sure I am not psycho. Just crazy. Crazy is the word used by non-professionals like me to describe a mental illness severe enough that the victim has a real problem. Crazy. Psycho is the word used by folks like me for crazy people who use their cellars for more creative purposes. Or people who kill their kids. It's probably short for something, but who cares.

If you insist on medical terminology then I am sorry to disappoint you, but words like crazy and psycho are here to stay, they are shorthand, the same way that we type initials here rather than people's names.

MOOetc

This made me laugh. Especially the using the cellar for more creative purposes part. I have also suffered from panic attacks, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, etc., since early childhood (to varying degrees and now controlled beautifully). I also refer to myself as "crazy".

So does my massive family in Spain. In fact, they don't call me by my name, they call me "La Loca". Some families and cultures are not as politically correct as others. I don't mind being called crazy (but I will respect if others do :innocent:).

These two wouldn't known a good marriage if it smacked them in the face. It takes more than two people having chemisty it takes work by both.The beginning was shaky at the most ...then it went down hill from there playing out like a Greek tragedy. While these two lived out what could only be characterized as a farce of a marriage two innocent lives have been hung in the*
balance. They(let me make this very clear both of them) spent more effort on their vehicles,shopping trips,cleaning rituals,church,$$$ and*
homes than worring about leaving a 3 month old child in a freezing car for an hour. Sure they all apologize when their caught.Every child deserves to be given the best start in life you can give them. Sky and M deserved to feel safe and were failed miserably.

My rant is from having followed two local missing children cases Kyron's and now Sky's. I am sick of these p*** poor parents and their apologies,ignorance,selfishness,pointing fingers at each other,lack of common sense and excuses.MOO

Well, dad was nowhere to be seen when Sky disappeared, because he had been forced out of his children's lives based on allegations by the mother. Before that, it appears from the docket, news reports and his own statements that he fought like a tiger to protect his kids and prevent something like this from happening. So I'm having a hard time seeing how the finger could possibly be pointed at him.

As others have said, he wrote his declarations before Sky went missing. He's not casting blame now and talking about things he knew then but did nothing about. He has been fighting for over a year to keep his kids safe. But no one listened. I don't see that as pointing fingers. I see it as being a hero for his kids. Now his only "sin" is trying to answer questions posed to him about what he wrote in those declarations.

His job is to find his son not bash his soon to be ex wife on national television telling the viewers he wasn't allowed to use the commode. How does that help find Sky? Seriously. Who cares? I'm actually sick of seeing him. I think it's self serving and does nothing to help find Sky. He should do something productive like organize a search or call SAR organization.

Leave Julia to the experts and LE.

I have never heard him bash Julia. In fact, I have seen a few different interviews during which he deflected questions about her and her family and kept saying, "My only concern is for Sky right now. I want to keep the focus on Sky."

Here's dad going door to door to businesses, handing out flyers. Not a word about Julia: http://redmond.komonews.com/news/911/689318-police-expand-search-missing-boy

Here he is handing out flyers and planning a search. He refuses to talk about the mother, saying he cannot use his small amount of energy on that: http://www.king5.com/news/Father-of-missing-2-year-old-plans-out-Saturday-search-133734163.html

Several of us have expressed the opinion (assuming what we have heard about her mental issues is true) that while Julia might be guilty of harming her child, that she is also a victim of her illness and a system that failed to help her or her family.

This is not a pardon, nor does it excuse what she did (assuming she did anything), but a statement of reality. I would say that Julia slipped through the cracks in our mental healthcare system, but we are not talking about a system with a few cracks. We have chasms.

We could fill those chasms, but that costs money, and as a society we have other priorities. We care about American Idol, we care about blowing **** up on the other side of the world, we care about football and granite countertops and whether or not someone is gay. We care more about saving the endangered Snaperdoodle than whether every child has enough to eat.

We don't care about someone losing their home to foreclosure, or someone who's career just got exported to China. We don't care that there are millions of people in this country who's only form of healthcare is prayer. We don't care that there are a million American kids who went to bed tonight hungry, and who will get dropped off at school tomorrow after sleeping in their car. And if it's "only" a mental health issue? Well we damn sure don't care about that.

Our solution to mental health for most is prayer and prison.

And I think we can do better.

You are on a roll today. Wow.

I guess if you believe him, yes I could see how that would help you or others. I have a problem with his honesty. I think his appearances are self serving and only spark more outrage against a woman who may or may not have killed her child.

I think if LE hasn't figured out what happened, we have a huge problem. He should continue to talk to LE and stop appearing on tv with his divorce attorney by his side. Why does he need his attorney there anyway?

Parents snap and kill their children even with no mental illness. OCD may or may not have anything to do with Sky's disappearance. Perhaps she hated SM's guts and took it out on Sky. IDK and nobody knows what her state of mind was at the time.

It does concern me that the LDT test was inconclusive to the bruises question. Not to say he has anything to do with Sky's disappearance but maybe what Julia said about him may be true.

His child custody case, divorce and the CPS dependency cases are on-going. he is right to have his divorce attorney with him. Note that he is not his criminal attorney? And as for the LDT test results, they were not inconclusive as to whether HE caused the bruises. They showed he was not lying when he said he did not cause them. They were only inconclusive as to his possible knowledge as to how they got there. Since he believed Julia caused those bruises to frame him, I can understand that. See paragraph 52 of page 17 of his declaration: http://images.bimedia.net/documents/Decl+of+Solomon+Metalwala.pdf


Yay!

I have not read all of the posts, but I have tried to keep up with this case. My thoughts are this....BOTH of these parents have issues. A court does not put a restraining order against a father for almost an entire year with NO EVIDENCE AT ALL just because his wife said he was a bad father. I truly feel for this family, but I don't think the entire truth has come out about the father. Something is not right here. The mother is obviously mentally ill. I have a good friend whose sister was diagnosed as bi-polar after the birth of her second child and it is very sad what they go through. A lot of the time they don't even know what they are doing. Family, friends and people close to this couple surly are helping the police put the puzzle pieces together.

What concerns me the most is the information in the declaration from December 2010 which states JB thought she might harm Sky and the close bond she has with the daughter. Everyone here figured that out before the declaration was made public. These words were written almost a year ago and the father's greatest fear seems to have come to fruition.....This is all too sad to comprehend. Sky.....where are you?

As a (female) family law attorney who has practiced family law for eight years, I can tell you that restraining orders are issued like hot cakes, even with little evidence, conflicting evidence, etc. Not by all judges and some do not issue them when they should, but it's usually the other way around. Judges fear being the one to fail to issue an order against a guy and then have to hear about a dead woman later on, so they err on the side of the mom/wife/girlfriend, usually. In this case, the judge chose wrong.
 
The majority of bipolar sufferers are not violent. The ones that are, are almost ALWAYS manic and high and/or drunk. They are more dangerous (physically) to themselves than others. They are mean and moody and make you feel like a terrible person but they dont generally hurt people.

I know what you say here is true. What happens, though, is the small percentage of bipolars that come to our attention do so because they HAVE killed someone. We read and watch those cases everyday.

The bipolar I know who was hospitalized following pregnancy and post partum psychosis is the nicest, kindest, most creative person some of the time. During our year in hell, she had to be watched closely so she did not murder her baby in the midst of her illness.
 
Despite her mental state, she has reportedly fought for custody of her children. IMO, she may not be able to recognize that she is incapable of caring for herself or her children. I am not a mental health expert, nor have I evaluated her mental health status.

My point is that her husband has reported that his wife suffers from OCD, bi-polar disorder, and depression. Based on this information, I believe that JB was/is incapable of making rational decisions regarding herself & her children. I believe that JB is mentally ill.

I also care about her missing child.

I also believe that a mentally ill person does not deserve to be called "crazy" or "psycho" or "evil".

I see your point, but one person's mental illness/delusion/fetish/problem/fixation/addiction/neurosis might be someone else's definition of evil.

:cow:

When it comes to starving your own children, making them sleep on the floor when they have a bed, teaching them to say "I want to kill myself" at the age of four, abandoning a baby by the side of the road, or disappearing your baby son, I don't really care what reason someone might have. It could be mental illness, or it could be regular old selfishness bordering on evil.

I really couldn't care less about the reasons, I only care about the victims. :twocents:

(And that's not just for this case, but for Sandusky or any other case in which children are victims.)
 
Im a little confused.... is every post in every thread followed with a "In my opinion"? Is there a huge problem with people taking offense to things or taking speculation as fact? Help a new girl out. I am sarcastic and have a great imagination. Oh dear, I see this being a problem.
 
Im a little confused.... is every post in every thread followed with a "In my opinion"? Is there a huge problem with people taking offense to things or taking speculation as fact? Help a new girl out. I am sarcastic and have a great imagination. Oh dear, I see this being a problem.

You can always put "Just my Opinion" in your signature, which is what alot of people do. :)
 
I see Solomon as being very naive and soft, the kind who could easily be manipulated. Just because he might come from a male dominated culture doesn't mean that he has the same views of women or acts the way they do in his country of birth. I know quite a few guys who allow their wives to dominate them, my dad being one of them, and they remind me a lot of Solomon. He seems to be the type who is very eager, very willing to please. Just like I can't blame battered wives for staying with their abusers, I also can't blame Solomon for staying with her for such a long time if he really did feel that she was the love of his life. Maybe he had no other gf besides her, maybe he had been with no other woman, and he had a hard time letting go of her after being with her for so long. i think he did state that he only realized how wrong the whole situation was when he had a chance to live separately away from her.

I'm not saying SM was directly responsible for Sky, but do feel there is more to him than we are seeing and a dynamic that may have influenced some of JM's reactions. The BBM me is just an example that still has me pausing to check him off my list all together. I mean, did his family live like he was living? No food in the house, not allowed to sleep in the beds, to eat at home, to pee in the toilet and only allowed in the house during certain hours because the mother said so...and the list goes on. Nope...nope....nope. Not buying that excuse.

I have empathy for the man, but some of the things that happened to him were partially because of his decision of non-action, or ones that were poorly made. Let's not forget that his faith is perceived to be very influential in his life and that is as a fundamental Christian. His catering to her and overseeing the family to a point of nonsensical dysfunction is not what they teach. Just sayin it seems his life was a dichomy. Can't help but think he needed help'/support also....and didn't get it.

IMO
 
Im a little confused.... is every post in every thread followed with a "In my opinion"? Is there a huge problem with people taking offense to things or taking speculation as fact? Help a new girl out. I am sarcastic and have a great imagination. Oh dear, I see this being a problem.

We try to tread carefully here so as not to offend other posters, when it is at all possible. It's a nicer site for that reason, than most. But the IMO thing is something we are kind of urged to do because some opinions or speculation have been mistaken very quickly for fact in the past and those "facts" kept resurfacing for months, if not years in some cases.

Also, sarcasm doesn't usually translate well in print! But some people are really good at using the emoticons to make sure people know they aren't being mean or snarky or whatever.

Anyhow, you seem to be okay. Your posts haven't been out of line (IMO!) :crazy:.
 
We are a community. If these terms makes you uncomfortable or unhappy that is reason enough for me to stop using them, and I would urge everyone else to do likewise.

Nuff said.

^^^^Perfectly stated Chris.
 
Im a little confused.... is every post in every thread followed with a "In my opinion"? Is there a huge problem with people taking offense to things or taking speculation as fact? Help a new girl out. I am sarcastic and have a great imagination. Oh dear, I see this being a problem.

No... We are all adults. If someone here is sensative or offended they will probably tell you or report you. And in any case, I think we all like each other.

One answer to your question, in my opinion:

We are on a very public forum, read by thousands of people, and discussing serious things. We are not talking about the relative merits of Figure Skating versus Football, we are talking about real people and crimes. If you are not careful about what you post and how you post it you might just wind up in court yourself.
 
I'm not saying SM was directly responsible for Sky, but do feel there is more to him than we are seeing and a dynamic that may have influenced some of JM's reactions. The BBM me is just an example that still has me pausing to check him off my list all together. I mean, did his family live like he was living? No food in the house, not allowed to sleep in the beds, to eat at home, to pee in the toilet and only allowed in the house during certain hours because the mother said so...and the list goes on. Nope...nope....nope. Not buying that excuse.

I have empathy for the man, but some of the things that happened to him were partially because of his decision of non-action, or ones that were poorly made. Let's not forget that his faith is perceived to be very influential in his life and that is as a fundamental Christian. His catering to her and overseeing the family to a point of nonsensical dysfunction is not what they teach. Just sayin it seems his life was a dichomy. Can't help but think he needed help'/support also....and didn't get it.

IMO
If she wasn't taking her bipolar medications or her OCD meds, most days were filled with unpredictable chaos for her family. His "nonsensical dysfunction" (as you said) was likely fireman behavior, i.e., he had to run to put out one "fire" after another that she started. Poor man.
 
I'm not saying SM was directly responsible for Sky, but do feel there is more to him than we are seeing and a dynamic that may have influenced some of JM's reactions. The BBM me is just an example that still has me pausing to check him off my list all together. I mean, did his family live like he was living? No food in the house, not allowed to sleep in the beds, to eat at home, to pee in the toilet and only allowed in the house during certain hours because the mother said so...and the list goes on. Nope...nope....nope. Not buying that excuse.

I have empathy for the man, but some of the things that happened to him were partially because of his decision of non-action, or ones that were poorly made. Let's not forget that his faith is perceived to be very influential in his life and that is as a fundamental Christian. His catering to her and overseeing the family to a point of nonsensical dysfunction is not what they teach. Just sayin it seems his life was a dichomy. Can't help but think he needed help'/support also....and didn't get it.

IMO

I really can't see what else he could have done besides what he did do. He worked hard to get Julia help and to provide care for his kids when she appeared not to be able to. When she was released from the hospital and demanded to be allowed to care for the kids again, saying nothing was wrong with her, that's when he finally filed for divorce, in order to try to protect his kids. It's not his fault that she snowed the court system and that he wasn't totally believed.

I believe Solomon. I find his declaration smacks of truth. Having been in this business for several years, you kind of start to be able to pick out the b.s. from the sincerity, and vice versa.

There are still many dads out there who leave the child rearing to the mom and follow her lead. We are the ones with the intense maternal instinct that is honed from the time we are infants, with directed play towards dolls, playhouses, etc., with babysitting jobs, care of siblings and simply being in the world of women where talk of children and babies and childcare is a constant. Dads can have great instincts too but they aren't always as honed as women's (due to societal and economic factors) and
Solomon was the one who worked, not her. So he likely, like many men, left it to her and trusted that she knew best.

When he began to see that things didn't seem quite right, he realized something was wrong, but it probably was not at all the same reaction as his sister or mother would have had, living in that house, seeing the kids being kept in bed crying all day or not fed until a certain time of day, etc.

He states in his declaration that when he and the kids moved in with his mother is when he really began to understand how screwed up things were. I can picture him seeing how his mom cared for the kids and how they responded and thinking, "Oh my gosh. So that's what was wrong." As he talked to them about what Julia would do or wouldn't do, I'm sure he got a lot of feedback that impressed him greatly. That's when he became very proactive.

The fact is, not everyone knows what to do, not everyone is as smart as the next person. I give him a lot of credit for fighting as hard as he has.
 
http://www.kirotv.com/news/news/solomon-metalwala-visits-4-year-old-daughter/nFd9x/

CPS only let him spend time with his daughter at a restaurant, :( but that is better than zero time together.

It's definitely better and after all she has been through I'm glad the state is taking time with this and helping father and daughter rebuild their relationship. If what we have already read and heard is any indication, this child has been getting an earful about daddy for quite a while and is probably pretty uncomfortable with him. It's going to take some time for her to re-establish trust with him and I'm glad to see that process start.
 
I wonder if their financial problems were the result of impulse control issues that likely came with her bipolar disorder.
 
I didn't say he did but I think he tends to exaggerate. *He claims he had to pick up the kids because she would not feed them, etc. *Well, we've seen pictures of the kids with food in their plates. *

Like I said in earlier posts, they don't look like abused kids to me. * *They look happy, well fed, no visible bruises. * *Yes, she probably does suffer from OCD but that doesn't make someone a murderer.

There are always 3 sides to a story. *His, hers and the truth.

I think Julia is totally responsible for Sky's disappearance but to go on TV to answer questions about her "illness" serves no purpose imo. * The focus should be on finding Sky and not Julia.

Respectfully, I very much disagree!

^above^ BBM in RED- again what is stated in the court documents about Julia's illness, her blatant disregard for what several very highly qualified doctors had prescribed for treatment of medication as well as extremely important behavioral therapy.. This causing her illness to literally consume Julia to the point that her OCD rituals were her sole focus and would not allow food to be kept in the home.. Thus Solomon stepped in and saw to it that the children were in fact fed.. It is more than obvious that this ill woman very much had very specific motives for her literal thousands of photos with an extremely large percentage having abundant amounts of food present(and no I don't believe each individual photo was staged).. But quite obvious the ill woman who'd been alleged to have failed to meet the most basic need for her children, food.. Well.. IMO *Of course you will not find evidence in this woman's personal photostream that would dare show a hint of the truth that Solomon had detailed in the court documents.. Instead we her having gone overboard to show there's FOOD EVERYWHERE!! PHOTOS OF NOTHING BUT FOOD!!! AND THE CHILDREN EATING IN A VAST MAJORITY OF THE PHOTOS!! it is obvious to most that it's a direct attempt to negate the statements that can/eventually will be backed up by others(just as SM stated in the docs there were many fam/friends aware of there being no food allowed as well as that SM had to hire an employee that he couldn't afford for THE SIMPLE FACT THAT HE HAD TO IN ORDER TO BE ABLE TO LEAVE THE STORE AND GO FEED HIS KIDS..)

BBM in black- this man has zero control over the questions these nosy reporters choose to ask him..Zero control..Not his fault that idjits like NG do not take a hint when the poor man refuses to answer the nosy questions about particular issues regarding Julia's mental illness.. Many times he doesn't answer them and he certainly is not in control AT ALL IN THE VERY LEAST OF WHAT THE REPORTERS CHOOSE TO ASK HIM.jmo

IMOO he's doing the absolute best he can.. Especially considering the situation imo.And he not only is not guilty of having anything to do with Sky's being gone, but he did his damnedest to attempt to tell the courts the honest truth including that his children left in the custody of Julia were in danger and that something would likely happen!! Sadly we had not only a mentally ill chick as the mother, but a cunning, conniving, and manipulative individual that was only after self gain that he was up against..Congrats to Julia she won! The courts unknowing of which to believe chose unfortunately Julia.. Sadly Sky didn't win!! Sadly Solomon will never see his "little dude", his son, Sky ever again! Yea Julia's a real winner.. NOT!

It's such a very traumatic and sad situation and truly see him as doing the very best that he can. Jmo, tho.
 
<snip>
As a (female) family law attorney who has practiced family law for eight years, I can tell you that restraining orders are issued like hot cakes, even with little evidence, conflicting evidence, etc. Not by all judges and some do not issue them when they should, but it's usually the other way around. Judges fear being the one to fail to issue an order against a guy and then have to hear about a dead woman later on, so they err on the side of the mom/wife/girlfriend, usually. In this case, the judge chose wrong.

Many years ago, I took out a restraining order on my estranged husband. This was at my boyfriend's urging. Husband was doing strange stuff. Sort of hit me but didn't really. Made a small bruise on my hip because he hit my keys and my keys bruised me. I think he pointed his finger in my face. Followed me around a bit. I don't remember what else but very minor stuff. Annoying at most.

So, I went and got a restraining order. I wasn't afraid of him. I didn't think he would really hurt me. During the worst of our fights during our marriage he never harmed me or caused me to think he would. I think he was acting strangely because after we split, I began dating his best friend. I think he was more jealous over the friend than me.

Anyway, went to the courthouse at my boyfriend's urging (looking back, maybe it was all about them and nothing about me). The magistrate asked if I'd been injured. I said I had (remember the bruise). He asked if I was afraid for my safety. I couldn't answer. Boyfriend nudged me until I said yes.

Restraining order issued...

This was over 20 years ago. I hope the process has improved a bit since then.
 
One thing that I think perhaps some who are critical of dad or his story might be missing...

If a wife accuses her husband of hitting her, perhaps even regularly, this is not assumed to mean that every moment of every day is filled with flying fists, or that this brute is incapable of anything else.

Reading dad's statement I always assumed that there were periods of relative normalcy mixed in with mom chewing the scenery, and it was these periods of hope that kept him there.
 
I wonder if their financial problems were the result of impulse control issues that likely came with her bipolar disorder.

Dad goes into this in some detail in his statement. Briefly: they had a successful business. It was hurt by a competetor and then hammered by this recession. Her behavior and demands certainly contributed, but his financial statement indicates that they would be having problems regardless. MMO, etc
 
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