I feel so much for you Bellelsle
Going through your young years, in such a messy environment, not really being loved and treasured by your own mother.
You are so lucky to have a supportive and understanding husband.
I would think similarly in this case, we may later hear, Shan'ann had the support of her parents, brother and friends.
I certainly hope so.
Thank you for the kind and insightful post,
@tmar . I feel fortunate that I was able to make sense of what I was subjected to, I can see how easy it would be to go through life believing this was normal behavior. I think that my mother loves me in her own way, but it's not in the unconditional way that I love my own family. Her love has more to do with how our relationship makes her feel, and not much to do with altruism or empathy. I'm making an excuse for her, and when it comes down to it, you are correct, I was not shown the type of love by my mother that most people would consider to be "love". I am lucky, but it took a few tries to find him. I also work very hard to be mindful of my words and actions toward my kids, I never want to them to feel like they can't reach me emotionally.
I wonder what Shan'ann's mom really feels about the way CW's mother treated Shan'ann. She raised a strong, independent daughter with a kind heart, I'm sure she sees through the BS.
And to the poster who said that CW might have been, in a way, replicating his relationship with his mom by marrying SW...I said earlier that he was confusing Drive (SW) with Control (mommy). But I do agree with you, this was the type of scenario he was comfortable in, he needed to be led. I also think that he secretly loved the fact that they moved so far from his parents, and to be able to let SW take the flack for it was fine by him. Mom obviously blames SW for CW pushing back even in small ways, any independent thought that he had would have been blamed on SW...I mean, don't we wonder how the parents are reacting to the male lover?! Clearly this would have been his own preference, nothing to do with SW's urging. I am sure the parents will remain in complete denial even if it turns out to be true. No way would Christopher do of his own free will anything that mommy would disapprove of.
So many mind games going on in that family, IMHO Shan'ann probably wanted to heal them at one point, she had a generous soul. You can't heal narcissistic, entwined, enmeshed families, even for an insider it's nearly impossible. They either need to want do it themselves or you have to cut ties. Shan'ann tried, unfortunately part of that damaged group came with her to CO but never really left NC behind.