I hope there is some insight into PB's mind in those journals. From what we've been told so far, there seemed to be a lot of mixed emotions about CA in PB's mind. Thinking about PB's parents' reaction to what they considered their son's portrayal as a monster, though, I wonder if what drove PB to the breaking point wasn't actual jealousy, but pressure .... pressure from his
parents to be like Christian. Perhaps PB's parents have held CA up as sort of a standard by which to measure their son. The pressure could've gotten too intense for PB since he was in college, and just couldn't measure up. Sadly, maybe in his mind the only solution was to take CA out of the picture. Maybe it wasn't so much that PB wanted to
be CA; he wanted to be accepted for who he was. Two young men have lost their lives.