Originally Posted By duckingoff
OK people if your 12 yr old is saying things like "hey i'm single hit me up"; shut down their MS and FB accounts. Password protect the computer and don't pay for an internet plan on their cell phones. :furious:
Why on earth a 12 yr old had access to all that with her mom as her friend on all of it, is beyond me. Red flags all over the place. Yeah I know mom was still grieving, lonely, etc etc. But there are other adults she has on her friend list. Shame on them! OK off my soap box.
Response:
Despite the sad situation at hand, I have to agree with you. But I also think that there were other variables that MOST do not have to deal with and, IMO, played a large part in all of this unfolding...mainly the grief TS was still experiencing because of the death of her son.
Though I wholeheartedly agree with you about the fact that TS was obviously grief stricken/depression.. it also seems that she very much was in not a very good place emotionally/mentally/psychologically and more than likely not reaching out for help for that emotional/menatl/psychological state therefor IMO seemed to be stuck in certain aspects of the grieving process{and I in no way am attempting to put a particular or strict time frame that one needs to move through the grief process..I know that differs for us all}..but when we are responsible for another child that is still in our care it is still us, as a parents responsibility to do one of two things..either reach out for help{and not even for your personal gain but to ensure that remaining child is properly cared for
IN ALL ASPECTS}by seeking counseling, doctor/psychiatrist/psychologists advice on how to best handle the remaining child's needs..
~OR~ .. ENSURING the remaining child is, even if temporarily, having their needs met by another family member{i.e. the father, grandmother, aunt, etc}...It seems as though there is no shortage of blood relatives alone that were more than willing to step in and help once they saw that there was indeed a serious problem concerning JE..
I 100% wholeheartedly agree with duckingoff's post ^above^ about the MS and FB accts of BS and that if ANYTHING SIMILAR IN NATURE IS SEEN ON A 12 YR OLDS MS/FB ACCTS TO IMMEDIATELY SHUT THEM DOWN AND REMOVE ANY AND ALL INTERNET ACCESS FOR THIS 12 YR OLD..
I fortunately have a 12 yr old "son", that tho he has asked for a FB acct I at this time have said No..{and thankfully he is not interseted enough in it to continue to ask or try to get me to change my mind}.. My main reason for this is because at this time there are moments when he cannot be properly monitored and because each child at my son's school does have their own individual Mac laptop with FULL internet access{and yes am aware of blocks, cyber sitting, etc..but 12 yr olds these days I have already found thru some of his friends at school are VERY WELL AWARE AND HAVE THE KNOW-HOW OF HOW TO GET AROUND THESE SAFETY PRECAUTIONS THAT PARENTS TAKE TO PROTECT THEIR CHILD..
So, along with as close as possibly monitoring along with very frequent downloads of his computer usage{a process where we can see every keystroke along with every site even attempted to access}..For now I just do not feel comfortable with having such accts{and that is in no way judgemental towards those that do allow..they may very well be in a position where they can appropriately monitor to where they feel comfortable with allowing such..at this time I feel we are not at that point}...
As far as just what we know about BS using MS/FB accts it IS EVIDENT that appropriate monitoring was not being done.. and way too much freedom and access was allowed this 12 yr old girl.. This was TS responsibility do so and as I said above if she was not at a place emotionally/psychologically that she could provide this dire of important parenting of BS then it was her responsibility to step out of being embarrassed that she could not provide such and do what was in BS very best interest..again, even if temporarily having those needs met for BS by another family member{i.e. dad, grandmother, aunt, etc}