Reese Witherspoon: "I Wouldn't Want My Kids To Miss Out On Being Teased Or Bullied"

[southcitymom]

PERFECT!! I completely agree. I hope when the time comes I able to separate the instances when I should let my child figure it out and encourage them to stand up for themselves, and when I need to step in. I don't think I'd ever be too lax about stepping in, but I think all parents feel heartbreak for their children, even when what they are going thru is really just the normal youngster's angst.

You are right that it's a fine line we walk as parents. I watched my parents go through it with my youngest sister, who was a social outcast during much of lower and middle school.

I have not had to deal with too much of this yet with my kids - I hope wisdom will guide me through it when the time comes!

 

[southcitymom]

What would Reese Witherspoon know about bullying and teasing? She is a former cheerleader, debutante, grad of an all-girls school.

Perhaps you were saying this tongue-in-cheek, but as a person who has lots of experience with the inner circles of cheerleaders, debutantes and all-girl schools, let me just say that those circles can be brutal.

 

[Trino]

If RW's kids came home day after day in tears, I'll be she would change her tune. Good-natured teasing is not today's concept of teasing/bullying.

 

[Paladin]

I taught school for years and have not encountered a popular kid that was teased/bullied. Cheerleaders can often make snide remarks, but IMO that's not teasing nor is it bullying.

I've seen kids teased and harrassed. Teasing is often a daily taunting, commenting on clothing, appearance, answers given in class. Bullying takes teasing to a physical level.

Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it doesn't happen to them. There is open teasing, but there is also that other kind of teasing where kids will take jabs at other kids when they know an adult isn't watching/listening.

Also, let's not bundle all popular kids as the teasers either. There's usually a reason they are called popular, and more times than not they're popular because they're outgoing and friendly.

 

[Ticamom]

IMO.

I don't think she meant it in a bad way. I took her remarks to mean that she wants them to experience things they would normally experience, because those things can build character. I'm sure she means some of the normal joking kind of teasing. I know I was teased, and I think everyone is.

I think she seems to be a good mom and I think her remarks are taken out of context.

I totally agree with this statement, IdahoMom. She wants them to grow up as normally as possible, but I am sure she didn't mean it the way it sounded.

 

[White Rain]

What would Reese Witherspoon know about bullying and teasing? She is a former cheerleader, debutante, grad of an all-girls school.

There's a big difference from good-natured teasing because someone is your friend and teasing by an individual or group who has nothing to do with you. Bullying IMO is enhanced teasing by a hate-oriented group. No kid should be subjected to comments or physical confrontations that hurt them.

This is what I meant as well Trino but didn't say. I was running outta time while posting! Thank you for expressing it better than I chose to.
I have NO problem with light-hearted teasing...but some kids get hurt even by that.
I don't think Reese really meant this the way it sounded...at least I hope she didn't.

 

[luthersmama]

I was bullied big time from 1st grade on up through 7th. I hated it. I felt like nobody would help me. Once, in about 4th grade, I was getting bullied on the school bus. I finally said something to the bus driver and the next day he totally reamed the boys who had been bullying me. Hmmm.

Then I was bullied by a girl in 7th grade. I retaliated. What I did wasn't a good thing and I got called on it, but the bullying ended.

I would be a totally different person today if I hadn't been through all that. Would I be nicer? Don't know. Happier? I doubt it. I know I have better coping skills because of it.

When my kids have been bullied, I gave them "weapons". Cognitive therapy tricks, mostly. And when necessary I have had a word with the teachers.

I think that what Reese was saying was that you have to be exposed to a certain amount of crap to learn how to deal with it. Parents can be an ally and a backstop, but kids have to learn that the world can be nasty.

 

[CarpeDiem]

luthersmama, what are the cognitive therapy tricks? I have four, and each has encountered a bully now and then. More when mine got to Jr. High.

I've always heard, and believe, that parent's should be the soft place for the kids to fall. I think in these situations where they aren't coping, they don't have a soft place anywhere.

 

[luthersmama]

luthersmama, what are the cognitive therapy tricks? I have four, and each has encountered a bully now and then. More when mine got to Jr. High.

I've always heard, and believe, that parent's should be the soft place for the kids to fall. I think in these situations where they aren't coping, they don't have a soft place anywhere.

The kid being bullied has to have help understanding that they will never be able to control what somebody else is thinking. At the same time, they have to understand that what a bully is thinking about them doesn't matter. A bully saying "You're stupid" or "You're ugly" or whatever doesn't mean that it is true. The most important thing is to learn that, by thinking about the bully 24/7, you are letting him hurt you. When he is not in your presence, he should not be in your mind. What you think controls how you feel. Someone who isn't even in the same room cannot make you feel bad unless you let them.

I told my daughters that when somebody (almost always a boy) was picking on them, they should envision him as a disgusting insect. My choice of insect was a Tomato Hornworm. A huge, ugly, green caterpillar that eats tomato plants. Fortunately, they have a natural enemy - a wasp that lays its eggs inside the caterpillar. The hatching wasp larvae devour the caterpillar from the inside out. Totally gross.

But, my girls seemed to be empowered by the visualization. The boys' swagger lost its power over them. Seeing the bullies as bloated green parasites helped them change their thinking and neutralized the effects of the bullying. They were more able to put them out of their mind and minimalize the time spent dealing with them.

 

[philamena]

She has to be insane ... I would do just about anything to prevent my child from experiencing the living hell of bullying.

Me too, Golfmom!
I have raised 2 daughters and let me tell you, kids are MEAN. Mean as h**l. Both my daughters have experienced the pain of being teased and bullied...it hurt me as much as it hurt them.
I'm just glad they survived their childhood years without too many painful memories.

I think Reese is a good mom. Maybe she said this without thinking. :waitasec:
Or maybe she meant it in a different way. I don't think she wants her children to be bullied.

 

[Brefie]

I was never bullied too much, being the youngest of 8. Someone would usually warn the would-be bully of our 'clan'.
Some girl in my neighborhood bullied and intimidated me for a while and sure enough my sister ran into her on her way home one time and got in her face with her pointy finger nail and told her if she EVER came near me again, she would be back for her, since obviously it was okay to hit and frighten someone younger than yourself. I was left alone after that.

I am not opposed to these tactics, sure in this instance, my sister was older, but you could just be bigger or stronger or better able to handle yourself.

 

[pedinurse]

I don't know. I have more problem with Reese and Jake doing it on that plane than this stupid comment. Even though I think this was kinda dumb... I mean, who doesn't hurt when thier kids hurt (and kids hurt when they are bullied!!)

 

[deanws]

They must not be teens yet. :-D

LMAO Glitch...I nominate this as post for the day!!!
:crazy:

 

[LinasK]

I'm with you on this, Idaho. Being teased and/or bullied is a normal part of the childhood experience. I don't think there is a single person in the world that hasn't had to cope with both - as children and as adults. It does help you build character. We do have to learn to deal with jackasses if we are going to have a peaceful, productive life.

Now - as grown-ups - it is our duty to know and to react appropriately when it is too much and is crushing a child.

I disagree, because I was bullied/teased for 3 years in Elementary School! 4th, 5th, and 6th grade were hell for me and my mother knew about it and did nothing about it, neither did at least my 5th grade teacher! It went on outside the classrom at recess and lunch time, when the teachers weren't around. The boys started it with name calling and the girls wanted to be popular with the boys, so noone would openly be my friend, even the ones who were my "friends". In 6th grade I was pushed into a fight with a tough girl and they formed a ring around me so I couldn't escape, expecting me to be pummeled. My only defense was to dig my nails into this girls arms. I dug so hard I drew blood. It wasn't character building, it made me ashamed and I ran and hid for the rest of the day. It lowered my self-esteem, not made me who I am!

P.S. since I didn't Multi-quote, the popular boys/girls were NOT popular because they were outgoing and friendly. Quite the opposite, they were mean!!!!!
At least one of instigators grew up and actually initiated saying "hi" to me at my 20th high-school re-union!

 

[txsvicki]

Snobs and mentally ill delinquents are the bullies in most schools. I wouldn't want my kids around people like that if I could prevent it, especially because as an adult, I wouldn't associate or work where people went around bullying others.

 

[Paladin]

P.S. since I didn't Multi-quote, the popular boys/girls were NOT popular because they were outgoing and friendly. Quite the opposite, they were mean!!!!!
At least one of instigators grew up and actually initiated saying "hi" to me at my 20th high-school re-union!

I'm sorry you had a horrible childhood, but that isn't the case everywhere with popular children.

 

[Trino]

It's been YEARS, YEARS, yet I still recall two comments made by classmates, one in grade six, another in grade 11. These comments did not in any way make me a better person.

 

[Paladin]

It's been YEARS, YEARS, yet I still recall two comments made by classmates, one in grade six, another in grade 11. These comments did not in any way make me a better person.

Everyone goes through this crap. I remember comments and events from my childhood but I'm not going to boo-hoo about it.

 

[Rino]

P.S. since I didn't Multi-quote, the popular boys/girls were NOT popular because they were outgoing and friendly. Quite the opposite, they were mean!!!!!
At least one of instigators grew up and actually initiated saying "hi" to me at my 20th high-school re-union!

Right. Although I agree with RW....the better person gets bullied and is not the bully.

 

[michelle]

I disagree, because I was bullied/teased for 3 years in Elementary School! 4th, 5th, and 6th grade were hell for me and my mother knew about it and did nothing about it, neither did at least my 5th grade teacher! It went on outside the classrom at recess and lunch time, when the teachers weren't around. The boys started it with name calling and the girls wanted to be popular with the boys, so noone would openly be my friend, even the ones who were my "friends". In 6th grade I was pushed into a fight with a tough girl and they formed a ring around me so I couldn't escape, expecting me to be pummeled. My only defense was to dig my nails into this girls arms. I dug so hard I drew blood. It wasn't character building, it made me ashamed and I ran and hid for the rest of the day. It lowered my self-esteem, not made me who I am!

P.S. since I didn't Multi-quote, the popular boys/girls were NOT popular because they were outgoing and friendly. Quite the opposite, they were mean!!!!!
At least one of instigators grew up and actually initiated saying "hi" to me at my 20th high-school re-union!

Aww, that sucks. Kids can be so mean. I was popular in school and I can remember the kids who were picked on b/c of clothing, looks, ect...I always felt bad and would NEVER bully them. I felt like I needed to be their friend. I worry about my son being picked on.