My Letter To Shanann........
I laid awake in bed last night trying to make sense of this horrible tragedy that just cannot and never will make sense. I, like most of us, can not wrap my brain or my heart around the incredible amount of pain this vile person has caused to so many. As I was thinking, I thought of something that hadn't crossed my mind before, that everytime I think of Shanann, Bella, CeCe and Nico and their lives, I think about this horrific time in their lives..... how scared they must have been, the pain that they were in, how they must have felt so betrayed, and I always start to cry. I always feel absolute utter despair. I began to think that if I believe in God and Heaven, which I do, then right now, this very moment, they are in Heaven, at the right hand of Jesus! Perhaps they are dancing and singing and I feel it in my soul that they are filled with incredible joy! I started to think about how I could change this awful loop that keeps playing in my head and replace it with something that affirms and reflects the true lives and personalities of this beautiful momma and her 3 precious babies who have so completely touched the world!
I decided that I wanted to be reminded daily of 1 thing that really exemplifies who Shanann, Bella, CeCe and baby Nico are in this world so that I can become more like them. I believe with my whole heart that the only way we can truly keep their lights shining is to carry on the valuable and life changing lessons they taught us with their lives!
Beautiful Shanann..... you are the true definition of PASSION! Everything you did in this world you did with passion. You loved, cared for, took care of, taught and interacted with your children with passion. You made friendships with passion, you helped everyone you met with passion, you loved your family and friends with passion. You tried new things, took risks and moved across the country to start a new chapter with complete and and unparalleled passion! You, Shanann, are the true definition of PASSION and I can only pray that I can be as passionate about life as the example you left. You have taught me that life is for the living and that it is a precious, precious gift that is to be shared with all those we are lucky enough to share space with in this world! Oh how you shined on this earth beautiful girl! You did exactly what you were called to do and this world is a better place because you were in it! Thanks for a life well lived just doesn't seem near enough for the greatness and passion that you left for us to find!
Sweet, Sweet Bella....... what a GENTLE soul you are! To see you in pictures makes it so easy to see that God made your heart so very special! You loved your momma and your baby sister with a pure and gentle heart. You loved your Grandma Rzucek and Grandpa Rzucek and your Uncle Frankie with that same sweet gentle heart. You loved and lived without expecting anything in return. You were gracious and kind far beyond your years, sweet girl! Those of us who have come to know and love you can feel your pure and gentle love and the eternal mark you have left on the world and I, for one, am better for it. I see your sweet smile when I close my eyes and it warms my heart, I can't help but smile when I think of sharing that same smile with others. Thank you sweet Bella.
Oh precious CeCe, what an adventurous girl you are! When I think about you I smile so big at how everything was a grand and happy and fun adventure for you! You truly enjoyed your big sister and you made her life so much fun! You brought so much adventure and life to your momma and Grandma and Grandpa and Uncle and no mountain was too high for you to climb! When you fell you got right back up and tried it again I will always remember how much fun you brought to this world and how much you enjoyed everything you did! Your little laugh will forever live on in my heart and it reminds me to find the adventure in everything I do and to never, ever forget to laugh! Thank you sweet girl, you are truly one of a kind.
Precious baby Nico, for just a moment I struggled because we didn't get to meet you in this world. It took only seconds before I realized that what i'll always remember about you is JOY! Do you know how much joy you brought to your loving momma when she learned she was carrying you? I can feel it in my heart and I will always remember that you, baby boy, are absolute, unequivocal JOY! Your big sisters were overjoyed when they learned that you were coming! Friends and family were so excited about you and I smile when I think of you chasing your sisters around in Heaven like little boys do! Because of you, I will remember to be joyful for everything God has given me and to let my joy reflect in the way I live every day! Thank you precious boy.
I don't want to remember the four of you in your last moments anymore. You are all so much more than that in my heart! When I think of you, as I do often, I will remember your unending passion and your sweet gentleness, your never ending love of adventure and the sheer joy you brought into this world! I will choose to live out those very same things in my life so that your lives will never be in vain! I will try my best to Shine Like Shanann and Bella and CeCe and Nico because I truly believe that that's why we're here! Thank you for sharing your lives with us. You never knew you would but you did. You wanted to leave your mark on this world and you did that in spades!
As for the things that, I and everyone just can't understand..... maybe I don't need to understand. Maybe it's not for us to understand because we simply weren't made to. God gave us each life and what we choose to do with it is up to us. Shanann, you and your babies used yours for good in spite of the evil that was brought into your lives. That didn't define you and I won't let it define the way i choose to remember you. It will never make sense how and why some choose to use their lives for evil, especially with gifts as special.as so of you, but even here goodness wins because there was you! You did it beautiful Shanann, you did it! Hundreds of thousands of people are forever changed so profoundly by you and your sweet babies! You will live on in our hearts forever and I want to always honor your memory.
The days that lie ahead will surely be difficult and unbearable. Let us never forget that evil is vigilant, it doesn't give up. But neither do good and love!! The more we share it, the greater its impact. What we set our focus on, grows. I want to focus on the examples that you and your lives left for us!
