I met my abuser through mutual friends - 6 different friends had him in their circles. Not one of them had any idea about him - they all thought he was great. Please don't assume that people are what they say they are in person either. Most don't understand themselves or know who or what they are yet, unless they have failed relationships behind them. They are charming, charismatic, smart, funny, and share your interests. They are master manipulators. Unfortunately, it is more likely the man you are interested in is engaging in unsavory behaviors than not. But most are not murderers. They ruin your life in other ways and most women don't realize it until it gets beyond the point of no return. The reason women are murdered by men they love is toxic masculinity, the patriarchy, and the entitlement and privilege that men are raised with, at home and in the culture at large. It is so beyond anything women can understand. Women live to help and please. men live to be pleased and to be catered to. Their outrage at not being treated the way they believe they deserve is what causes this violence. That and their lack of empathy and lack of ability to love, lack of executive function, and proclivity toward risk taking and low impulse control. And their grandiosity - they are better and smarter than everyone else. What they believe is what is right and no one knows any better. not accountable to anyone - even the law.
Emotional self-regulation and basic psychological development (and lack thereof) as children creates most of these issues. Toxic masculinity. Boys don't cry. Be a "good" boy. Don't be "bad". Parents who can't help their children identify their feelings and learn to manage them, and to distinguish feelings from actions. Parents who ignore or deny their children's feelings. Parents who punish kids for "acting out", like expressing normal, healthy emotions. That's when kids start splitting others into all good and all bad, and projecting bad behaviors onto others - unable to see themselves as responsible. If kids aren't able to mentalize - to understand the mental states of themselves and others - a form of intellectual empathy, or to see themselves as separate from others and to accept themselves (including their *bad* feelings) as worthy and valuable, it's going to end up damaging other people.
I'm so sorry you had to go through being abused, dear. Truly I am. I have also raised 2 sons who are fully developed emotionally. They are entitled to my unconditional love.
I have read through your post several times and for the life of me, I can't understand what you are trying to say. My post was more about outright mental illness than the superiority(?), entitlement (?) toxic masculinity (?), lack of empathy (?) and just general guy-type bashing. What I DO understand though is if one of my sons showed any ONE of these traits, he wouldn't have been under my roof very long.
IMHO and nothing more.